


Infernal World

by Wordsinrain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Action/Adventure, Horror, M/M, Romance, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordsinrain/pseuds/Wordsinrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is without Dean and stuck in a country overrun by zombies. He only has Lucifer for company but will the devil help save the humanity he hates or leave it and Sam to rot?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [demon_sloth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/demon_sloth/gifts), [MonoChrome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonoChrome/gifts).



> I totally don't have time to be doing this but I can't help myself. The idea partially came from Entanglednow's The Fourth Wall series, at one point Castiel finds a fanfic about Sam and Lucifer teaming up to rid the world of zombies and partially because I've started watching 'the Walking Dead.' The title is from Paradise Lost, the full quote is, "Farewell happy fields/ Where Joy for ever dwells: hail horrors, hail Infernal world" Satan says this as he is banished to hell.

  
**“For tis not in mere death that men die most.” - Elizabeth Barrett Browning.**

[ ](http://pics.livejournal.com/writerofshadows/pic/0002qh05)

Sam lay on the tattered sofa and stared at the far wall. The plaster had cracked around the ceiling and there was a questionable brown stain arranged in a sort of splat. Sam reached for his phone and his hand was in his pocket before he remembered the phone didn’t exist anymore. It had been smashed in his last fleeing attempt from ‘them’ and there wasn’t a way to buy a new one. Not now. He pulled his hand back from the emptiness without breaking his gaze from the wall.  
He’d have to go out again soon. He needed ammunition, salt and food. In that order. He also needed Dean. But that wasn’t happening either. There was a slight breeze that brushed over him.

‘What is that smell?’ Lucifer asked. Sam didn’t have to turn his head to know Lucifer’s face would be scrunched up in disapproval. It was the same every time he appeared.

‘Rotting meat,’ Sam replied. He had hung it around the door, it deterred ‘them’, they liked it fresh. Wasn’t it funny how with every new evil he faced he lamented the old one? Lilith had made him miss yellow eyes, Lucifer made him like Lilith. Castiel made him desire Lucifer’s simplicity and Castiel was nothing compared to the Leviathan. Now he missed the Leviathan. 

‘Say yes to me Sam and all this will be over,’ Lucifer said.

‘Change the record.’ They’d opened the gates to the pit, got the archangels out to kill the Leviathan. It had worked, so much as locking them back up in purgatory works, but of course it was ‘Let’s start the apocalypse again,’ fun times. Sam’s research led him to the knowledge of how much the angels had detested the Leviathan, it was the only thing that had made sense. The archangels would be fine as long as Sam and Dean didn’t say yes, then they’d pop them back in the pit, simple as. Except humanity had other plans. 

‘This is only happening in America,’ Lucifer said. Sam didn’t know that. He sat up and looked at the devil leaning against the fridge. 

‘Really?’ Sam asked. 

‘It started here,’ Lucifer commented. ‘Your people scurried in panic like little ants, got on their boats, their planes. But everyone else noticed. They didn’t want it in their countries. They bombed it all. Every last fleeing American lying on the bottoms of oceans. This is the humanity you’re always trying to save.’ 

Sam didn’t say anything. He felt his stomach twist in a knot. He wasn’t surprised, it even made sense. If the rest of the world hadn’t bombed them then maybe the whole planet would be this mess. He looked up at Lucifer, still in Nick’s vessel, though he hadn’t explained how that worked, the vessel didn’t even seem to be rotting. Sam hated to admit that he was starting to enjoy Satan’s company, but then again he didn’t have much choice, there was no one else. 

‘Even more reason to save it,’ Sam said. ‘The whole world hasn’t gone to shit. Why would I help end it just because the bit I’m in has.’ 

‘Oh Sammy, so much self-sacrifice in such a selfish body.’ 

Sam rolled his eyes. 

‘If you’re going to keep popping in you could at least bring supplies with you,’ Sam said. It was Lucifer’s turn to not reply. He suspected Lucifer hated the new humanity even worse than he did the last one, though he claimed it made no difference. Filthy, hungry bodies, same as always. Humans have always fed off one another, this is just more visceral. Sam rubbed his temple, he was getting a migraine, and he still needed to go outside. 

‘Do you at least have any news of Dean or Castiel?’ Sam asked finally. 

‘No. I do not. I cannot find your brother or mine, the anti-angel sigils work as well as they always did,’ Lucifer said. 

‘But you can find me,’ Sam said. 

‘That’s because I’ve been in your Sam,’ Lucifer smirked. ‘No amount of witchcraft could hide you from me now.’  
Sam should be scared of that, everything in his memories tells him he should, but he doesn’t have the energy anymore. There is only him and Lucifer now, and that could be all there would be for a long time. Neither of them mentioned that they were in Detroit. Aspirin. He needed some aspirin. He used the last four days ago though. That might trump ammunition. 

Sam stood up feeling his muscles for the first time in hours. He stretched out the languid as best he could. He picked up the .475 Wildey Magnum he had placed on the floor next to the sofa, and the .45 Glock. He always took at least two guns when going out, preferably a shotgun as well, you never knew if a gun might malfunction or you’d run out of that ammo. Running out of ammo had never been a huge concern of their’s in the past, they couldn’t stop much with bullets anyhow. But bullets were the only thing he was aware of that would help him this time. 

‘Going for a stroll?’ Lucifer asked. Sam merely glared at him. He didn’t know what the devil expected. They couldn’t all be angels strolling about the place with no need to feed or live without aspirin. He’d asked Lucifer back when this had all started whether or not his unholyness could be affected. Sam had been met with scorn. Lesser angels could be affected, specifically their vessels could, the angels would just leave. More powerful angels had the strength to ‘shut up’ the body. Sam grabbed his coat, it was May and still cold enough outside to warrant it, the weather never seemed to bother ‘them’ not even the snow had slowed them down. 

‘Are you coming?’ Sam asked. Lucifer frowned and wrinkled his nose as if the whole thing was beneath him. Sam guessed it was, he was the ruler of all hell, going for a walk with his reluctant vessel while he attempted to find supplies to continue to live was a bit…well mundane. Even if there was the chance, a highly likely chance, that there would be a chase and some shooting at some point. He grabbed his shoulder bag, filled mostly with ammo, and moved to the door. With a slight wave to the archangel he headed out into the thick of it. 

For the thick of it though, Detroit was barren. Cars abandoned, homes abandoned, the streets abandoned. It was as if some big machine had come and sucked everyone away. It always, no matter how many times he saw it, reminded him of that day in Missouri. Sam walked to his motorbike. He was going to have to give it up shortly, it had lasted the winter what with him being the only person using gas. But the pumps would run dry eventually. 

Being outside felt foreign. There was a constant threat. It was never as empty as it seemed and the ways in which it wasn't empty is what made it the worst. It wasn't that he was terrified. He wasn't. After the hallucinations, and the death of Bobby and more hallucinations nothing was quite as bad, not even this. But he couldn't settle. Each nerve in his body was in a constant state of readyness. There were little sparks of electricity racing under his skin. His ears picked up every sound, his eyes spotted every bit of rubbish blowing the wind. 

He didn’t bother with a helmet, there hadn’t been one when he’d taken the bike and looking for one would mean spending more time out in the open. More time than he wanted to. He wasn’t going far. Just to the nearest Walmart. Even in the depths of hell it was still the place to get everything you needed in one go. He started up the engine and headed off without thinking, if he paused they’d track the noise, the smell of his body. So he didn’t pause, not for a second, not at junctions, not at red lights, he just He passed the streets people had tried to leave the city by and the cars were left in there jammed state. Alone and empty. Sam tried not to look at them and just focus and where he was going and what he needed. But it was all too much of a skeleton of a city, the fleshy bits stripped clean off the bone.

He parked his bike right outside the doors of the store, he was always tempted to take it inside for speed, but if 'they' were in there the sound would draw them instantly. Ammunition. He was looking for .45 winchester magnums initially, they were best for his magnum but he hated searching for the name. The one real Winchester he wanted to find he couldn't. He grabbed the last four boxes Walmart had. Each box had a number of six round cartridges. He was going to have to change weapons soon if he was going to stay here. There was no ammo for his guns after this. If only Lucifer would start killing them then he wouldn't have to use so much. 

Salt. As much as 'they' had become his current concern, there were still ghosts, and more than ever they decided to come to him. The only human in the near vicinity they could actually haunt. 'They' even became ghosts, sort of. He wondered what had happened to the vampires and the shifters. What were they feeding off now if at all? What would Eve have done if she was still around? Would she have killed 'them' off. Were vampires walking skeletons now? Starving just like 'them'. 

Sam rubbed his temples and stopped by the painkiller section on his way to find salt. He picked up ten boxes of aspirin and five bottles of Tylenol. The more he took now, the longer it would be before he had to come back. But he only had his shoulder bag and he still needed more food. Tins of Beans and Spaghetti were mostly what he was going for...and coffee. Anything else was a luxury and took up too much space. 

He smelt them first. The acrid smell of death. A smell he'd known since before he could even ride a bike. This smell wasn't like the ones he was used to, either out on a job or in autopsy. It was older, like when opening graves for salting ghosts. But instead of that explosive smell that hit you as you opened the coffin and made you wretch, this was subtle. It crept up on you, slithering around your body. Sam had the magnum out and pulled down the safety. He tried to focus on where the smell was coming from, but the putrid smell was too strong to narrow down. If he fired one shot that would alert them to where he was. 

He stood with this back against the shelves. He listened, tried to hear where they were or how many there were, but he got nothing. He sidestepped along the shelves, he needed to get a visual on what was happening. There was a loud crash and for a moment Sam's heart dropped as he thought the sound was him. It wasn't. It had happened further away in the store. Far enough away for him to be able to think calmly. He hurried quickly to the cosmetic aisle, careful not to make a sound. He grabbed a can of hairspray, smashed a bottle of perfume and ran. 'They'd' all migrate to the sound and smell, think it was a nice fleshy woman. 

He didn't look behind to see if they had fallen for the perfume dupe or if they were now ambling after him, he just kept sprinting for the exit with his gun ready and the hairspray in the other hand. He shook the can up as he ran. He dropped it in the entrance and clambered onto his bike. It was only then he looked back and saw the group of them coming toward the exit. He swapped his guns, pulling out his glock . With his gun still out he started up the engine. As he started to ride away he turned and fired at the can. He turned back around not looking to check if he hit it. He heard the explosion and felt the wave of heat even as he sped away. The shockwave knocked his bike and he skidded into one of the empty cars. 

Everything went black for seconds. That was one thing his body had learnt over his past life, if it could fight loosing consciousness it would, because loosing consciousness always landed you in a worse situation than you were in. He scrambled back onto his bike. He knew the explosion wouldn’t keep them busy for very long. Nothing but a bullet in the head would do that. But he knew he could outdo them with speed. So he raced through the streets heading back to his flat. 

It wasn't till he was stepping in through the door of his flat, locking it behind him that he felt the pain in his side and his back. Lucifer was still leaning against the fridge. Sam looked down and saw glass protruding out his side. Spots were speckling his vision. 

'I fucking hate zombies.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets drunk and Lucifer listens.

**‘Man as an individual is a genius. But men in the mass form the headless monster, a great, brutish idiot that goes where prodded.’ - Charlie Chaplin**

* * *

There was no sound when Sam woke, there never was. Even the birds had left. The only sense he had was the smell of rotting meat he'd left around his flat door and even that was dimmed. There was softness beneath him. Dean must have put him to bed. Sam let himself drift back off to sleep.

The second time Sam woke up he remembered what had happened, the Walmart, the zombies. Dean wasn't here. He couldn't feel his wound either. There had been glass in his side hadn't there? He sat up in the bed, the quilt gathered around his waist. He was naked. There was no mark on his side. Not even a bruise, in fact all his bruises and cuts were gone. Even the burn from where he scalded himself on the coffee maker had vanished. A gold gleam caught his eye and he looked to see a full whiskey bottle on the windowsill. What had Crowley healed him? The ghost of Bobby? He reached up to grab the bottle and took a long deep swig, it burned down his throat. God he needed that. He hadn't had a drink in about two months, he had ran out and it just wasn't worth hanging around stores trying to get more.

He took another gulp and pushed the covers off. He put on a pair of clean boxers and jeans before heading into the main room of the flat. Lucifer wasn't there. Sam took another mouth full of whiskey. He was going to get drunk he decided. He hadn't been drunk in a while and it seemed to be something that would be entirely appropriate. He had lost his brother, his world was overrun by zombies he had no clue what to do anything about and the devil stalked him. Lucifer had healed him. Completely, and for some reason he didn't want to fathom it just made him want to drink more. Perhaps because it meant he was in Lucifer's debt, but that wasn't the case, Lucifer wouldn't demand anything from him for this. He was just keeping his vessel pristine. Sam took another drink.

He slouched on the sofa, the ugly looking pea coloured sofa. He spent his days on the sofa, just because it was different from his bed. There was no TV anymore, no radio, and he didn't risk his life to go find any books. But the more it wore on he didn't know what he was playing it safe for anyhow. He kept himself alive by not hunting for whiskey and books but what was that worth? What was his life worth that he just spent it staring at walls and fighting with Lucifer. He drank more. Initially he had waited, waited for Castiel and Dean to find him, they were supposed to meet up here in Detroit, but they never showed. They probably thought he'd moved on or something, but he stayed here waiting for them to show, like a child waiting at the point their parents told them to always run to. He wasn't sure when he had stopped waiting and had started just to exist in this place, the blending weeks, not even bothering to catch the days as they fell.

'You're awake,' Lucifer said. Sam must have started to at least be a little bit drunk, he hadn't even noticed the breeze that accompanied Lucifer's arrival. He looked up and realised Lucifer had walked in through the front door. The front door. The fucking front door. He would've made a joke about the world ending but it already was and Lucifer wanted it to, so really what was the point?

'Obviously,' Sam said. He should thank Lucifer shouldn't he, but he was his vessel and Lucifer would always keep him alive, so he took drink no.7 or was no.10 or no.12? 'Would you let me become one of them? Could you stop it?'

Lucifer was leaning against the fridge again but this time he was rubbing the whiskers that dusted his vessel's chin. 'I could stop it before it took over. I don't think I could once it had destroyed your brain. At that point you're dead. I could bring you back but that body would be lost to you. I could fashion a new one out of your soul I suppose.'

'What so there would be two of me? A zombie and a human?'

'In theory,' Lucifer replied. 'So no. I would not let you become one of them.'

'I suppose keeping me around as your vessel is most important,' Sam replied swigging the drink. Lucifer tilted his head in that irritating way angels do when they just don't get humans. Do they even realise how human the damn gesture is to begin with? Fucking angels.

'Yes,' Lucifer answered. 'Does it matter? As long as you are alive?'

Sam was about to snap that yes it did matter why Lucifer kept him alive, but then he realised it probably shouldn't. After all having the devil on your side, no matter the reason, could only be a good thing in the zombie apocalypse, right? His thoughts were so messy today, like his brain was a jigsaw and he just couldn't get the pieces to fit right.

'Can you stop them? Cure them? Do anything?' Sam asked. He had a sneaky suspicion he had just accidentally called Lucifer powerless but there wasn't any anger in the archangel's eyes. Just the same stoicism. He wanted to see Lucifer angry. He wanted to see what all the hype was about. Lucifer had killed a bunch of demons in front of him, and there was the god fight, but for the most part he had never really seen the wrath of Lucifer.

'They are walking dead humans,' Lucifer said. 'Soulless sacks reduced to only the most primal function. There is no cure as you put it for them. They would just be dead again.'

'But the thing before they died? The thing that turned them?'

'I don't know, I don't know what it is,' Lucifer said. 'It could be anything supernatural, could be science could be Michael scratching his butthole for all I care.'

Ok Sam didn't need that imagery at all.

'Could you find out?' Was Sam sounding like a nagging wife to anyone else? Lucifer raised an eyebrow.

'I admit I find I don't like what happened yesterday,' he replied. 'But other than moving you to a place where this isn't happening there is nothing I want to do. I don't need to end the world you're all doing a fine job on your own. I can sit back grab some popcorn and watch as you tear each other apart with your teeth.'

'Oh shut up,' Sam said. There was silence. Sam realised what he'd said but he didn't look at Lucifer, he stared at the wall, maybe he would let it go, like the powerless insinuation. Maybe? 'I know you hate humans, you really don't need to remind me of it every time we talk you know. We could just talk. Then maybe, just maybe I could pretend you are a friend and that I'm not stuck in this messed up zombie thing alone being stalked by the devil because he wants to use my body to end the world which is already hanging on by it's finger nails.'

Lucifer still didn't say anything and Sam wondered if there was an allotted amount of times he could insult Lucifer before he just said to hell with ending the world and obliterated Sam were he was.

'But its so much fun,' Lucifer grinned. Sam rolled his eyes and lifted the bottle to his lips to realise it was empty. He hadn't drunk this much in a while.

'You're an ass,' Sam said.

'You're drunk,' Lucifer replied.

'It's your fault. You left the whiskey.'

'You didn't have to drink it all in one go.'

'What are you my mother now? You already played Jess for a while. Eve tried the mother card when she visited, it works better on Dean.'

'Did you like it when I played Jess?' Lucifer asked. Sam sat up abruptly and was about to yell at Lucifer except there was no maliciousness in his face. He didn't have his usual smirk that he wore when he pushed peoples buttons. Which he did. All the time. Because he was Lucifer master manipulator extraordinaire. Sam didn't know how to answer the question, he should answer no. But whiskey infused thoughts were more honest and he knew it wasn't entirely true. He didn't even really mind that they had kissed when he was Jess, did that change anything? Did it even matter?

'I liked it when I didn't know it was you,' Sam said. 'Even when you accused me of always running away it was her. I miss her.'

'You loved her.'

'You know I did or you would have never have impersonated her in my dreams.'

'I could pretend to be her again,' Lucifer said. Sam laughed, it was such a silly thought. Lucifer running around in Jess's body just to please him. He knew the archangels were genderless, all the angels were, but he just couldn't imagine seeing Lucifer like that. No Lucifer was always in Nick's vessel in his brain and that's what he should look like, not Jess and not Sam either.

'Don't,' Sam said. 'You once said you would give me everything I wanted if you could.'

'I meant it.'

'Then help me fix this!' Sam shouted.

'There's no need to shout,' Lucifer replied. 'What would you have me do Sam? Massacre them? I could.'

'No,' Sam said. 'If I tried to fix this. If I tried to figure this out. Have my back. When this is over you can go back to convincing me to end the world. Maybe if we don't fix it I'll let you anyway, but I want to try.'

'You want me to have your back?'

'Yes,' Sam said even though he wasn't sure Lucifer knew what it meant to have someone's back. He never had and no one had for him. Even the angels who fell with him, they didn't have his back, they didn't go into the pit with him. They just wandered the earth seeking mortal woman. Sam suddenly felt very sorry for Lucifer. He had an urge to hug him. He stumbled when he got off the sofa and nearly fell into Lucifer. Instead he steadied himself, despite the room spinning around him. It was quite impressive really. Maybe he had drank too much whiskey. He grabbed Lucifer's shoulders, and pulled him into a hug. Lucifer looked so shocked he let him. Sam rubbed his back.

'Er… Sam,' Lucifer said. 'Why are you holding me?' Sam didn't know. Sam didn't know anything. Sam passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head the Winchesters are drinking machines, which is why Sam's not puking from drinking the entire bottle of whiskey. I also find that when drunk I go through a lot of being perfectly fine and then the drunkness punches me in the face which is what I kind of projected on to Sam. This especially happens if I drink a lot in a small space of time. Oh and whiskey does seem to be Sam's beverage of choice in the series, we have that in common.


	3. Chapter 3

**"Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth." -  
Chuck Norris**

* * *

_Possible zombie causes:_  
 _ ~~Death~~ Lucifer assures me death wouldn’t do such a thing as he wouldn’t want to risk me and Dean summoning him again. How rude._  
 _ ~~Croatan virius~~ Lucifer swears it was not his doing._  
 _ ~~Greek spell~~ No witch is powerful enough to make it reach this many people_  
 _ ~~Samhain~~ Unlikely_  
 _ ~~Leviathan food pollution~~ No more leviathan._

Sam looked over his list, conclusion: not likely a supernatural cause. Though he couldn’t rule out the possibly of it, perhaps it was something they hadn’t come across. Looking up ‘lore’ on zombies led Sam to many games sites, two of which he wondered if Dean might be willing to have a go at once they fixed the world again. If he actually found Dean. Then there were the film sites, and the ever popular literature sites. None of them gave him much of any idea where to start. Zombies in most story telling formats came from a virus created, either deliberately or accidentally, by human scientists. Sam was ignoring voodoo zombies as like with the Greek spell it would be something that would only affect a small number of humans. Given the wide spread nature of the whole thing, he was leaning toward man-made virus.  
If it was man-made it would have to be created. Sam pulled up the sheet of lined A4 he’d been working on and pushed it to the side. At the start of the next page on the pad he wrote.

_ Virus causes _  
_Neurological virus – man made_  
 _Virus – could it be natural? A super bug?_  
 _A virus formed by pollution_

Conclusion? Sam should have taken a science degree instead of a law degree. The only real solid fact he had was that it had started in Detroit. That’s why he was there, still waiting for Dean. But Detroit was not much to go on, it was a big city and he had nothing more specific than that. He was reluctant to ask too much help of Lucifer. He couldn’t trust him, and Sam was worried he’d change his mind about helping if he asked too often.

Sam looked to his discarded note on supernatural causes, could he trust Lucifer on that information? He told himself yes because what did Lucifer have to gain about lying about the croatan virus? He guessed Lucifer could help him ‘defeat’ the virus, convince Sam to say yes, and then bring it back? That seemed a convoluted way around things even for Lucifer and besides Lucifer hadn’t asked to help Sam.  
A new bottle of whiskey was sitting on the corner of the table. There was only a quarter left, he was lucky to still have a liver. He stared at the golden liquid and considered finishing off the bottle. But he didn’t. He forced his eyes away and back to the list in front of him. He needed to figure out how and where this began.

He grabbed the newspapers that he had stored before the news had stopped. Though the TV news had lasted longer than paper. Internet had even beat TV. But it hadn’t been long before all communications had fallen apart. The first paper he had picked up in Illinois while on his way back from going to help an old college friend. Dean had stayed at Bobby’s in South Dakota.

* * *

_Four Months Ago - Illinois_

Sam pulled into the gas station, it had a diner attached, and just to prove it was a good decision his stomach rumbled. He got out of the Chevy he had rented and slammed the door. Dust fell off the side. It was a cheap rent. Above the diner in red scrawl was the name, ‘Sal’s Diner.’ Sam hoped Sal cooked better than he named things.

He decided to go into the gas station first to grab a newspaper that he could read over lunch. He didn’t even glance at the headline until he was sat down with a ceasar salad that had a side of bacon. Apparently nothing on the menu came without bacon. He unfolded the newspaper and glanced at the headline _Lawyer ate Client_. Sam raised an eyebrow and took a sip of coffee. _Lawyer in Detroit –Lawfirm prefer to remain unknown – took a bite out of a client during a meeting. The lawyer in question started “ripping at the man’s flesh with his teeth and eating it.” The other Lawyer ran out of the room to get help._

Sam pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed Dean’s number.

‘Sam?’

‘Have you seen today’s headlines?’ Sam asked.

‘Nope, anything interesting?’ Dean answered.

‘Might be a case. Lawyer eats client in Detroit.’

‘That’s news?’

‘Funny, could be a spell,’ Sam suggested.

‘Could just be a psycho,’ Dean said.

‘Worth checking out though.’ Sam took another sip of coffee. ‘Meet you there?’

‘Yeah, got a few thing to finish here first though.’

‘Alright.’

‘Oh and Sam, it’s Detroit, do not say yes to anything. Even if an Angelina Jolie look alike wants her wicked way with you. Say no. Got it?’ Sam rolled his eyes and hung up before answering. As if Lucifer would go that far…though he had posed as Jess so maybe he would. Sam frowned at that image. He continued scanning over the article and the rest of the news but nothing stood out. He’d go fill the Chevy with gas, turn around and head to Detroit.

* * *

_Present - Detroit_

There was nothing new that the newspaper in Sam’s hands could tell him. Turns out when a lawfirm wants to hide itself from cannibalistic inspired journalism it does it exceedingly well. That whole investigation had been a wash. By the time he’d arrived in Detroit half the people were zombies. He’d tried to find the first victim, the first reported zombie, but trying to stay alive and helping get others out had become priority. He’d tried exploring likely lawfirms but they were so over run with zombies it became too difficult.

‘I have news,’ Lucifer said as way of hello. Sam looked up and Lucifer leaned against his favourite spot on the wall. Sam wondered what Lucifer would do if he hung a picture there, or moved the sofa across it.

‘Oh?’ Sam asked.

‘Turns out while none of my angel brethren will speak to me-’

‘Can’t imagine why,’ Sam mumbled.

‘Some demons still will,’ Lucifer finished ignoring Sam’s comment. Sam rolled his eyes, trust Lucifer not to talk to his demons before now. ‘Michael has Castiel and Dean.’

‘What?’ Sam exclaimed. ‘How do they know?’

‘Meg, she is apparently still a loyal satanist but has unfortunate baby angel worship.’ Lucifer answered. Meg did seem awfully found of Castiel these days, even above her normal self-interest. Sam reckoned it was a mother hen response to Castiel imprinting on her like a lost chick.

‘What does Michael want with Dean?’ Sam asked. But he knew the answer, Michael would be after Dean saying yes. Bloody stubborn archangels.

‘The same thing I do with you. Protect you from this mess and perhaps get a yes in the mean time,’ Lucifer shrugged. ‘Either way your brother and his BF are safe.’

Sam rolled his eyes but didn’t correct Lucifer. So Dean was with Michael. He was stuck with an extremely righteous sword wielding archangel. But it could be worse. He could be stuck with the devil.

‘Do you know where?’

‘No, Meg doesn’t either. For a demon she isn’t bad,’ Lucifer said with an approving nod.

‘Why did you bother creating demons if you dislike them so much?’ Sam asked.

‘I was proving a point,’ Lucifer explained. ‘I told Father that humans were evil, selfish, devoid of his love. He wouldn’t listen. I tempted the humans to evil, and it twisted their hearts so much they became my demons. I never wanted them. But I was thrown into the pit by Michael and the demons were sent to hell. The rest had nothing to do with me. Angels claim they’re mine, humans say they’re mine, even demons think they are mine. They are _not_ mine.'

‘So Crowley was right then, you really don’t care about them.’

‘Do they need me to? They seem to be doing fairly well on their own. Besides its their own fault, they chose to be evil. Free Will’s a bitch.’

‘What about people who made deals with demons, or witches tricked them or-'

‘How did the misleadingly titled ‘Apocalypse’ start?’

‘I killed Lilith,’ Sam gritted out.

‘No, how did it start. What was the first seal?’

‘A good man had to shed blood in hell,’ Sam replied.

‘Exactly, and the only way to become a demon is to shed blood in hell. And as the first seal was never released until your brother came along, understand there are no ‘good’ demons. You of all people should have learned that from the little mistake with Ruby.’

He guessed it was a very logical assumption, and one that he probably should have made before. But he knew people made mistakes, some of them didn’t deserve to be punished by being turned into a demon, and even if they did people could rectify it, atone. He set Lucifer free which led to untold amounts of dead people so should he be turned into a demon for that? He reached for the bottle of whiskey.

Lucifer snatched the bottle from his hands. He wasn’t sure when Lucifer had moved but Sam frowned at him.

‘I don’t think you understand how hell works,’ Lucifer said. ‘Other than the aforementioned cross road deals people end up in hell because they deserve to be there. The way to hell is not always paved with good intentions. It is mostly paved with evil intentions that people have convinced themselves are good intentions. You set me free on genuine good intentions. You are in the clear.’

Sam hated when Lucifer read his mind but he let the him have the whiskey. Fine, if Lucifer wanted to play the 'all demons are evil you are so stupid for doubting that' card he could. Dean played it to him enough he was used to it. But Sam refused to believe good and evil was so black and white.

‘And yet you are convinced of my evil nature without question. How hypocritical of you Sammy,’ Lucifer said.

‘Stop reading my mind. And don’t call me Sammy,’ Sam snapped. ‘Also ending the world is a huge big sign of evil don’t you think.’

‘Maybe, but I couldn’t stop trying even if I wanted to, which I don’t. I would be a sitting duck for Michael to come and kill me, and I refuse to bow down to that fate. If I have to die by his hands I will get my revenge first on the rest of you.’

Sam looked to Lucifer and for the first time in the last few months he fully remembered who Lucifer was. His eyes were narrowed and it felt like darkness had descended over the room. It reminded him of when Lucifer had interrupted the meeting of the gods to kill everyone. For all of Lucifer’s ‘I don’t give a fuck,’ attitude there was so much anger behind it all. Sam wanted to know more about what had happened. All he knew was that Lucifer had been cast out of heaven for hating humans, he’d then corrupted Lilith and got locked in the cage. He decided to end the world once got out. Sam couldn’t work out which was the bigger over-reaction, getting locked in a cage for a couple millennia for making a demon, or deciding to end the world because Daddy put you in a time out.

Thunder rumbled around the room and that reminded Sam again that Lucifer could in fact still read his mind, and he probably shouldn’t be thinking about Lucifer and his tantrum. But as Sam looked up at him, he seemed completely uninterested in Sam. Lucifer had walked to the window and was staring out at the sky. Rain was pouring down in sheets and sounded like machine gun fire on the pavements below. Lightning flashed and the thunder quickly followed.

He wondered if the noise of the thunder would attract the zombies, but then again Lucifer’s storms had a habit of being state wide, so perhaps not.

‘I wish it didn’t have to be you,’ Lucifer said.

‘Because any other vessel would have said yes?’ Sam remarked. Lucifer turned to face him again but he didn’t say anything. He tilted his head and stared at Sam. Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

‘I think I’m going to have a shower,’ Sam stated. He’d need to fire up the generator, it was solar powered, but given that he was living in Detroit he always kept it off when he didn’t need it. Sun never lasted long here.

‘Don’t bother,’ Lucifer said. He snapped his fingers and Sam heard the shower turn on. ‘It’ll be hot.’

‘Thank you,’ Sam said. If Lucifer kept doing ‘nice’ things for him like saving his life and giving him hot showers then Sam was in deep danger of liking the devil.

‘You look good naked.’ Lucifer stated. Sam nearly fainted.

‘What?’

‘Your body is good to look at,’ Lucifer said with a shrug. Sam wondered when the angel had been voyeuristic enough to know that, but then he remembered when he woke up in bed naked. He felt oddly violated. ‘I had to make sure I got _all_ your injuries.

‘Erm, thank you,’ Sam said. But the comment was lingering in the air as bad as the rotten meet on the door. Did Sam continue to go have his shower knowing Lucifer liked his body naked? But men could appreciate that other men looked good naked right? An appreciation of physical fitness? Yes? Yes? But Lucifer wasn’t a man, he was genderless. Weren’t angels asexual anyway? The only one he knew to have had sex was Anna and that was because she was fallen…which Lucifer was. Did Lucifer have sex? Dear god.

Sam pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to try and change everything his mind was thinking about.

‘Your thoughts are amusing,’ Lucifer commented. That was it, shower time, Lucifer thinking about him naked be damned. He needed distance for his thoughts before he thought anything more embarrassing, like what Lucifer would look like having sex, and why did that thought only make sense when he was in Nick’s body.

Sam stormed into the small bathroom and closed the door. He had no idea whether Lucifer could hear his thoughts through the wall but he severely hoped not. He hadn’t thought about Lucifer as a sexual being before. He wondered if Lucifer had bothered or if that was too human an act and beneath him. Sam stripped off his clothes and stepped in the shower. He let the water pound over him.

All those thoughts about sex, even Lucifer sex, had made his cock hard. It had been that long since he had been with anyone that his penis was probably just amazed Sam even knew what sex meant. He wasn’t going to pay it any attention, he was in here getting free of angry pervy Lucifer and getting clean at the same time. Nothing else. But the hot water continued to pound down on him and he gripped himself hard.

He moaned as his hand worked over his cock, god it had been too long. He thought of Lucifer and he tried not to, he tried to force his mind away from the archangel and onto any woman, but it didn’t work. His days were filled with Lucifer and that’s what stayed there. He kept pulsing with his hand, he didn’t care anymore. 

He lay his left forearm against the tiles for balance. He bit his lip to keep from making any noise. He came hard. His body was shaking as he stood there panting. Fuck. He had just jerked off to Lucifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to update. Also it's another Sam sits and talks to people chapter. But I promise fun zombie killing action next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**"Greedily she engorged without restraint, And knew not eating death" - Paradise Lost**

* * *

Sam was sitting in the police chief's chair, swivelling around as he waited for the computer to load. He kept thinking of what he would do if Lucifer wasn't here to help. Without Lucifer the computer wouldn't have been an option considering the lack of electricity and all. Sam also wouldn't be in the building free of zombies either. Because clearing the place out had been oddly uneventful. There had only been five zombies and Lucifer killed them in that many seconds. A snap of his fingers and their heads popped like he'd planted C4 in their brains.

Sam had asked Lucifer to do that of course, save him using any bullets that made noise, but he'd expected to have to fight at least one. It was a little disappointing, though Lucifer's skills were not. It sent shivers down Sam's spine thinking of the power locked into Nick's body. Just how powerful would Lucifer be in Sam's body?

Swivelling on the chair was beginning to make him feel dizzy so he grabbed the desk to stop the momentum. He'd asked Lucifer to keep watch outside, it was necessary but he'd be lying if it wasn't also because he wanted to keep Lucifer as far away from his mind as physically possible. He couldn't help thinking about that time, and the subsequent times, in the shower. It was really really hard to avoid someone when you not only needed them to help you fix the zombie apocalypse, but you were the only person they wanted to be around. The last time Lucifer tried to end the world it had never been this bad. Apparently war of attrition was something Lucifer was becoming quite fond of.

The result of the record search pinged up on the screen. Sam leaned forward to read the print. It was the first file the cops had made on the zombie outbreak; before the virus had started spreading at an exponential rate. Finally he was getting a chance to look at the file that might have stopped the whole thing. He scanned over the document, rereading sections that he wanted to commit to memory, he didn't fancy asking Lucifer to make the printer work.

His new technique for getting Lucifer to avoid his thoughts was to start mentally singing all the songs every played in the impala. Eye of the Tiger being the most popular. But Lucifer always grinned when he started so Sam had no doubt Lucifer knew exactly what Sam was doing. At least he didn't know what Sam was hiding. Then again, Sam didn't know what he was trying to hide either. That he wanked off to Lucifer? What did it matter? It's not as if he did it deliberately, sometimes you just couldn't shake a image from your mind when you were busy focusing on other things, that's all it was. It couldn't be anything else. Perhaps a bit of stockholm syndrome. Lucifer _was_ the only intelligent being he'd been around in months, his body had to be reacting to that. Yeah. That's all.

So, the report; the first 'victim' was a Ms. Ryan, but more importantly the first reported attacker was a Mr. Franklin of Gibbs and Franklin PLC. It was a basic corporate law firm with no obvious connections to the supernatural. Looks could be very deceiving, but it was more than likely the outbreak had less to do with the firm and more to do with Mr. Franklin. Still, it would be a good idea to check them out, and the only way he was going to manage that was to go to that law firm.

Mr. Franklin had been contained on scene but not before he managed to bite two police officers. No wonder the investigation hadn't gotten very far. The precinct was in the first wave of victims. Sam rubbed his forehead. The police had questioned the man but he said nothing, only strained against his cuffs trying to bite the detective.

He read over the basic police profile of the man, though no actual profilers had been brought in. Sam suspected the cops had become zombies before making that phone call. It clearly stated Mr. Franklin had recently been divorced and the law firm seemed to be struggling. Those stressers caused the cop to have listed a most likely scenario of a psychotic break. Sam would agree with him if the man hadn't then infected everyone with the same 'psychotic break'.

Nothing in the report indicated why or how he could have caught the virus, if it was a virus, and Sam was working under the assumption it was. There was a slight clatter outside. Sam got up from the chair to have a look out the window. There was a zombie on the street below, a thirty year old man, leaning to one side. He dragged his left ankle that was clearly broken and most of his face was hanging off.

There was only one way to stop a zombie and that was to destroy the head. Whatever the answer was, what ever kept them animated, it was in their brain. But destroying the head left little for autopsy. He wondered why they were still in the city, most people had been eaten or turned, not to mention all the animals, there wasn't food here anymore for them. Why didn't they move on?

The zombie kept ambling it's way down the street until his head exploded without sound. The body stood upright and still for a few seconds before it fell sidewards onto the road. Sam sighed, he should go tell Lucifer what he had found. He went back to the computer and wrote on the back of his hand the addresses of Mr. Franklin and the law firm. He turned off the computer. The last part was a force of habit, as soon as Lucifer stopped giving the computer juice the thing would stop working anyway.

Not waning to risk too much on Lucifer taking care of the zombies he made sure he had his iron crowbar in his hands ready for hitting anything that looked even a little dead.

'Did you find what you were looking for?' Lucifer called as he appeared behind him. Sam jumped and swung the crowbar, Lucifer grabbed it before contact. He raised an eyebrow, 'I thought we were past this?'

'I thought you were a zombie,' Sam defended. Lucifer shrugged and let go of the weapon. Sam let it drop to his side. 'I found some addresses to check out.'

'Is this how slow your investigations usually go?' Lucifer asked. 'What are the addresses?'

Sam showed Lucifer his hand and then he wasn't standing in the precinct anymore. Sam had been transported instantly by Castiel before and his body certainly didn't like it. He staggered forward and reached for the nearest thing to hold him up, which in this case was Lucifer. He held on to Lucifer's arm as he tried to steady his stomach and not barf the coffee he'd had for breakfast over the carpet.

Sam glared at Lucifer as he straightened himself, but Lucifer wasn't looking at him, he was looking around the place they had been zapped into.

'This is a lawfirm,' Lucifer said curiously. Sam let go of Lucifer's arm. There wasn't any zombies ahead of them and none behind. 'I checked before I moved us. I suppose you want me to keep watch.'

Lucifer vanished before Sam had a chance to say anything. Mr. Franklin's office was on the third floor and that was of course the floor Lucifer had materialised him on. They also made no noise, which meant Sam hadn't accumulated a trail of zombies like normal. Why was Lucifer so damn accommodating now? Was it just that Sam had finally asked? That Sam finally conceded to needing the devil's help?

_I can still hear you._

Sam's eyes darted around but he was by himself in the corridor.

_I'm looking for zombies from the roof. Last time I was in the clouds and couldn't hear you there, here I can._

Sam felt relief flood through him as Lucifer admitted to not being able to hear his thoughts at the precinct. Why had Lucifer changed his tactics of placement for this building?

_It's boring in the clouds, I like hearing your thoughts and that song you keep singing, something about tigers._

'It's the eye of the tiger,

It's the thrill of the fight,

Risin' up to the challenge

Of our rival.

And the last known survivor

Stalks his prey in the night,

And he's watching us all with the

Eye of the tiger.'

_Yes that is it. Oddly fitting._

Sam rolled his eyes, Lucifer liked eighties rock. He could just see it now, Dean and Lucifer drinking beer and singing along to the tapes from the impala. Could archangel's get drunk? Either way it was an image that filled Sam with awe and fear.

Sam waited for Lucifer to respond to the image but he didn't say anything, and Sam was wishing again that this mind reading thing could go two ways.

_You wouldn't want to be in my mind Sam._

Sam wanted to argue that he'd had Lucifer's mind inside his body before; but in all honesty he couldn't remember a thing about Lucifer being inside of him.

_I know._

How?

_You wouldn't keep thinking I'm evil if you did. The reason my soul won first against yours is because you were so shocked, it was only violence to Dean that brought you back. I should have foreseen that._

Sam couldn't even remember that moment, though Dean had told him all about it. He'd also told him about Lucifer wanting to stop the fight, but then he killed Castiel and nearly beat Dean to death. The thought of it made him want to be sick. But more than that it made him think of what they were going through now. Were they also trying to figure out the solution?

 _I never wanted to hurt Dean or my brothers._ Lucifer's voice was oddly quiet in his head. Sam didn't know how to respond to him. He focused his attention instead back on the corridor in front of him. He needed to find office 306 which was only a few doors down. Despite Lucifer's assuredness over the lack of zombies he had his crowbar ready as he opened the office. There was no need, the room was clear.

The office was huge, probably about the size of his current flat, damn lawyers.

_I could get you a bigger place if you liked._

Free from zombies?

_I could make it free from zombies. I find I don't like living in squalor, it isn't befitting of an archangel._

Seriously what happened to the archangel who made obscure pop culture references as he talked about destiny? Lucifer was getting far too charming. It was dangerous. Besides it was Sam who was living in the tiny flat, Lucifer didn't have to be there too.

_Do you want to move up in the world or not?_

Sam chose once again to ignore him as he had this horrible suspicion he was becoming a kept man.

_I'll be your sugar daddy. You could tell everyone you're my niece._

'What?' Sam splurted out loud. Did Lucifer realise what he actually meant half the time he spouted off idioms and film references?

_Of course I do, your reaction amuses me._

Okay, Sam needed to focus, he had a job to do. Lucifer had to wait. If only there was a helpful 'this is how I became a zombie' post-it. He headed to the desk first and started looking through the drawers. He found mostly paper and files on clients but he did manage to spot an organiser. He looked through the appointments closest to the outbreak. He had a meeting with a therapist: unsurprising. He had scheduled in going to the gym, which was a slight shock after seeing the picture of the portly man on the police report. What struck Sam's attention the most was the appointment with a Dr. Taylor. If it was the virus theory she might be the answer, if nothing else she would have his medical records. Well she wouldn't. She would be a zombie. Her computer would have the record though. Sam closed the organiser and had another scout round the office. But nothing more stood out at him. He'd go to the doctors and then to Mr. Franklin's home.

_The villagers are here and they've brought pitchforks._

Sam took that to mean a zombie horde was nearby. Sam blinked and he was outside and next to Lucifer. Once again Sam felt suddenly sick and dropped down onto one knee.

'A little warning would be nice,' he complained. He was about to yell at Lucifer when he noticed the mob in question, it was huge, they were all shuffling along together. Sam had never noticed them move like that in a group. Of course he always saw them in groups, but that was when they all followed a noise or smell of fresh meat. 'Why do you think they are doing that?'

'You're asking my opinion?' Lucifer asked. 'They've noticed something tasty and are heading toward it.'. Sam took the magnum out of its holster at his hip. He was ten stories in the air, but he was pretty sure he could still hit a few. Accuracy would be off a fair bit but the mob were so close together missing one would hit another.

Lucifer grinned. They started firing. Lucifer with his finger snaps, and Sam with the magnum. Sam suspected Lucifer could do more but he enjoyed taking them out individually too much. The zombie crowd turned to the building and started making their way toward them. Sam felt an initial feeling of fear shiver down his spine but he realised that it was okay. Lucifer was beside him. This whole apocalypse was going to be okay because Lucifer was beside him. Sam stopped shooting to stare at Lucifer's strong jawline and the stubble that outlined it. He was actually grateful to Lucifer.

Sam laughed and started shooting zombies again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean gets an alcoholic education and Castiel fights with his older brother.

**"Men would be angels, angels would be gods." - Alexander Pope**

* * *

Dean stared at the BBC news on the screen in front of him. His stomach was churning as it showed an aerial view of destroyed American towns and cities. He could even see the zombies from the helicopter view. No rescue attempts of survivors were allowed to go ahead yet as the scientists still hadn't figured out what the hell was going on. They were as likely to bring the virus to allied countries as they were to actually help. And as much as Dean felt sick of the thought of however many people left trying to survive out there, he understood that logic. But Sam was out there, so screw the fucking logic.

He had an angel for fucksake he should be able to get there. But Castiel was grounded. Michael had clipped Castiel's wings, and since no human authority was allowing travel they were stuck. Stuck in the Scottish highlands as that was where Michael had dumped them when this thing had started to spread.

He didn't know why Michael had chosen the highlands in particular, maybe he just liked them, and Dean wouldn't have minded too much if Michael had taken his brother too. But the angel sigils that were carved nicely into his ribs, prevented Michael from actually finding Sam. The only reason Michael had found them in the first place was sheer dumb luck on his part.

_Four Months Ago - Bobby's_

Dean looked to the angel sitting across the table from him, and he couldn't help but reach for his new whiskey flask. Drinking was easier than sorting through the mess that was in front of him. So they'd gotten out of purgatory together, so the archangels had been freed and they'd gotten rid of all the leviathan together, was that just supposed to fix everything? Cas had betrayed them. And staying angry with him despite the latest adventures, seemed easier than admitting that maybe Cas wasn't the only one who had done their fair share of betrayal.

Dean took another drink. What a pair the Winchesters made, both with their own forms of substance abuse. At least Dean's tasted good, he didn't think Demon blood would be all that pleasant to ingest. Probably caused havoc on the digestion.

'Would you like to Monopoly?' broken Cas asked. It was like a cross between Castiel, Ghandi, and a four year old.

'What happened to Sorry?' Dean asked.

'Too late for that game now. You threw it on the floor,' Cas reminded him. Well no one had said patience was a great virtue of Dean's and he'd needed answers. Most of which he still hadn't gotten.

'Why monopoly?' he asked instead of apologising. Cas shrugged.

'We could always play Cluedo, but I don't think you'd like the result,' Cas stated. He had the same look in his eye he had when they had played Sorry. It was a look that told him it was never about playing board games.

'I wanted to say thank you for getting us out of that place,' Dean said. He had a sudden urge to go work on the impala, outside, away from this.

'It wasn't me, it was Michael,' Castiel stated.

'Yes well you let him knew where we were, you knew Sam had freed him,' Dean still wasn't convinced Sam's plan had been the best course of action.

'You felt the power of Lucifer when he had been freed. To free them both, the universe vibrated with their energy.'

The thing was, as Dean had come to realise, the angels now hated Castiel, hated him in a way they had never hated Lucifer. Lucifer was part of the grand plan. Angels were supposed to hate him, instructed to. His evil was foreseen by god and he let it happen, which kind of gave Lucifer an _'I'm still following gods plans,'_ out clause. Cas had made free will real and then abused it. He'd blasphemed beyond comprehension and the angels were furious. At least that is what Sam had told Dean when he asked why they kept on getting dive bombed by angels every other week. So for Castiel to have reached out to the most powerful angel of all to save Dean, it was more than Dean could think about. But every time he thought of saying _I forgive you_ , there was a feeling of someone twisting a corkscrew through his heart. He didn't want to forgive _this Castiel_ , this wasn't _his_ Castiel.

'Michael will punish me,' Castiel said. 'I'm just waiting here while he decides what to do.'

'Punish you?' Dean questioned. Michael was probably in the right; but since Cas had accidentally let out the leviathan and then had his body exploded; lost all his memories before proceeding to take on the world's worst case of PTSD, he'd probably been punished enough. 'How?'

'However he sees fit,' Castiel shrugs. 'It is his way.'

Castiel had magicked up Risk and started laying it out on the table.

'Why?' Dean asked. He was suddenly aware of Castiel's comment that night when they asked for his blood. _Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters_. Dean's stomach twisted painfully.

'He likes rules,' Castiel replied. Dean rolled his eyes. He remembered how much Michael liked rules, about as much as Lucifer liked breaking them.

Dean didn't want Castiel punished. That thought was clearer than any he had had in years. But what could Dean do? Lock Michael back in the cage? Without Lucifer thrown in too it would be suicide for the planet, and those two were never in the same space. He had an Archangel's blade, but he wasn't stupid enough to think he could get a shot on Michael unless he was severely distracted. And once again to only kill Michael would leave the planet open for complete destruction from Lucifer. They had holy oil, but that was only a temporary solution.

'You have sigils on your ribs still?' Dean asked. The amount of times Castiel's body had been ripped apart, put back together, and ripped apart again Dean didn't have a clue what remained.

'Yes,' Castiel said that sickening smile. 'Are you suggesting I hide? I thought you'd want me punished.'

'Not the way angels punish,' Dean grumbled. 'Go play with the monkeys or bees or whatever it was you wanted to frolic with.'

'I did want to do some more frolicking,' Castiel conceded. 'But I'm not going to run. I will take my punishments.'

'Why?'

'Because I should,' Castiel said. 'Why do you care?'

'Why do I?' Dean stuttered. 'How can you ask me that?'

Castiel just looked at him as if he expected Dean to have understood exactly what he was getting at. Which he completely didn't.

'You tried to kill me Dean,' Castiel said slowly. Dean hadn't forgotten that. That feeling of desperation. He didn't want Castiel dead anymore then than he did now or ever had done. But Castiel was crazy and dangerous and Dean had done what a good hunter did when something supernatural was about to wreck the earth.

'It wasn't you,' Dean replied. 'Not really.'

'But you won't forgive me for what I did then. I don't understand,' Castiel answered. Dean flashed back to all the times Castiel had said he didn't understand over the years and he wanted nothing more than to go back to that time.

'I suppose I don't either,' Dean said. It was the best he could manage. 'But you started it all being you and that's hard to forgive.'

'I did it all for you and you walked away,' Castiel said. 'I think I will go play with monkeys. I'll be back when Michael is.'

Castiel vanished before Dean had a chance to question or contradict him. He rubbed his temples and wondered what the hell he was going to do about all of this. He'd forgiven Sam for starting the apocalypse with good intentions at heart, so why couldn't he forgive Castiel the same? Though he really wished people would stop talking whole wars on their shoulders to spare him, it had a habit of ending tits up.

But had it all been for him? Could he trust that? Castiel had been fighting a holy war in the heavens to keep the free will they had started safe on earth. He tried to rescue Sam. Dean wanted to hug him for that. But he shouldn't have turned to Crowley when it had gotten too much, why couldn't Cas have come to him, Dean would have helped gladly. He would have thought of something other than ingesting everything in purgatory. He'd felt so betrayed then he couldn't listen to Castiel's justifications. But now? Was it worth it?

His phone rang. Sam talked of a case in Detroit, Dean said the usual things, but he couldn't meet Sam yet. He had to convince Michael to let Castiel off the hook, had to make sure he was not going to vanish on him again. How did you go about summoning an archangel?

_Present - A lodge not too far from Loch Ness. Kinda west of Drumnadrochit._

The solution to Michael not punishing Castiel was caused by the zombie apocalypse. Michael was trying to fix Castiel's mess in heaven and didn't want to waste time protecting his vessel from zombies. So instead he assigned Castiel to do it. Protect my vessel and I may not send you to hell for the rest of eternity sort of deal.

'Don't worry too much about Sam,' Castiel had advised when they first got dumped there. 'If Michael is protecting you, Lucifer is probably with Sam. He might not even be in America.'

'That doesn't make me feel better Cas,' Dean had informed him. It still didn't. Whether his brother was struggling to survive amongst zombies or if he was getting bitched at by the devil, it was still a nightmare.

Castiel appeared in the room with the sound of fluttering wings. 'Nice of you to show up.'

'Michael was…,' Castiel seemed to struggle with the right words. 'Being a dick.'

Dean nodded. That assessment was unsurprising. Michael didn't have a vessel, or at least didn't care for one at the moment with his celestial fighting. So Castiel had to go to heaven every time he wanted to speak to Michael or Michael wanted to speak to Cas.

'He still refuses to look for Sam,' Castiel stated. 'Or as he put it: to waste resources searching for an abomination who would do better as a mindless cannibal.'

Dean choked on his whiskey.

'His words,' Cas defended raising his hands in defence. 'He also said something about Lucifer deserving a zombie vessel, or that a zombie was just like Lucifer, or something to that effect. He also said he didn't care what humans did with themselves and that it was all part of god's plan.'

Dean wanted to hit his head off something, 'Really? Did you not tell him about the eating each other part?'

'He knows. He said I had no right to judge his actions when I annihilated most of heaven's population under leviathan influence.'

'Fucking angels,' Dean grumbled. Castiel frowned at him but Dean made no attempt to apologise. 'Want to go for a drink?'

Castiel nodded.

Dean had been to the local pub a few times in the last couple of months just to break up the monotony of sitting watching the US being destroyed on BBC news and sending Cas to fight with Michael. Funny though, the more Castiel fought with Michael the more he seemed like his old self. Maybe he was always meant to be more rebel than leader.

They headed out without talking. It was raining outside which Dean had realised was something that was a common occurrence in the highlands. It also didn't mind snowing often either. It was about a half an hour walk to where they wanted to be. The place was called 'the Fiddlers,' which Dean had thought was a strip joint when he'd first arrived until Cas informed him fiddlers were violinists. Go figure. It was a tourist attraction as well but that didn't bother Dean as tourists didn't really exist anymore, people felt safer at home. They had Jack Daniels and Jameson but they had nothing like Johnny Labinski's Kentucky Whiskey. They had looked offended when he had first asked.

It was about evening when they got there and that suited Dean fine, he didn't need the locals thinking he was an alcoholic, whether that was true or not was unimportant. A few of the regulars said hellos to Dean and Castiel as they entered and Dean nodded in response and headed straight for the bar. It was Chloe serving tonight, she was all blonde curls and curves.

'What can I get for you,' she asked one hand resting on the guinness pump.

'Jack Daniels,' he replied. Chloe scoffed.

'After all this time you still make me serve you that stuff,' she shook her head. 'Nope. Not today. I Refuse. We're running out anyway so you need to improve your tastes sooner rather than later.'

Dean knew she was right, she couldn't very well import the stuff from the zombies, though that would be interesting. 'Why now?'

She bit her lip slightly, 'I had family in a town in Arizona, I saw that town on the news today. I don't want to serve crappy bourbon to an American. Let me serve you proper whiskey, and let us be grateful for Scotland.'

Dean just nodded, he saw the same look in her brown eyes he was seeing in everyone's eyes. Everyone knew someone in the US. Everyone had lost people. They weren't here in the pub for drinks, they were here for company with the only people they had left.

'We did these triple taster things before the problems started, I can set you up three good, basic malts. Hm let's see. Glenmorangie, oh Laphroaig, hm and perhaps…ah yes, Glenlivet. All of these are 15 years because I don't trust your tastebuds with anything older just yet.'

Dean scoffed at her. What did he need with expensive whiskey anyway? It did well for cleaning wounds and for cleaning the soul, you didn't need it to be lined with gold or anything.

'Cas?' Dean asked. But Castiel had skulked to the seat in the far corner, staring blankly in front of him. Dean sighed. 'Could you do the same for him?'

'Yeah no problem. Is he okay? I mean, as much as any of us are okay?' Chloe asked. Dean didn't know the answer to that, had Castiel ever been okay? 'I tell you what, this is on the house, but don't tell the other guys, they'll all expect freebies. Just let me know which one you like best.'

Dean took a tray with the tasters over to where Castiel had sat down. 'We're to try these and like them apparently.'

'Why?'

'Well because there's not going to be any american stuff so we might as well start like the scottish variety.'

Dean tried them all in turn, they tasted similar but the Laphroaig felt harsher, smokey almost, while the Glenlivet was by far the smoothest. He liked the Laphroaig the best he thought. He liked that it had bite to it. Castiel preferred the morangie, though he didn't explain why.

One of the local men walked came out of the door to the bathroom and looked at them both.

'Well it's about time you started to drinking the proper stuff.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lot's of notes for this chapter. First of all, there won't be many of these Destielesque chaps, I just thought it would be nice to see what they were up to.
> 
> Also I have been to the place where Dean and Castiel are and it is a ridiculously beautiful place which I hope to fully express in a later chapter. I also really like whiskey, and I drink jack daniels, but my favourite is laphroaig. The pub mentioned is a real pub, but it is more of a restaurant, I tweaked it a little to match with the changing world. Though they actually do those triple tasters and they have well over a hundred different whiskeys.
> 
> x


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have a book of short stories and poems I have self-published on amazon. If anyone is interested feel free to go to my website jfrankland.co.uk for more details.

**"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain**

* * *

Sam walked through the apartment the plush carpet moulding around his feet. The fucking penthouse. How did everyone else end up a zombie, and yet he managed to be in a penthouse? He had a nagging feeling that he had sold his soul to the devil. Which he guessed wasn't far off the truth.

He walked out onto the balcony, they were on the thirteenth floor but Sam could still make out a zombie a street over. He sat on the edge, his long legs pushed through the railings. Lucifer was having a shower. A shower. He wanted to know what it felt like since Sam spent so long in them. He couldn't actually tell Lucifer the reason he spent so long in the shower was that he was trying to avoid him…and wanking.

Well if Lucifer wanted to think that showers were some sort of mystical waterfall imbued with spiritual powers then who was Sam to stop him? It gave Sam some peace anyway. He was starting to realise Lucifer would actually give Sam all he wanted. It was just too bad the things he really wanted were the things Lucifer couldn't grant. Like not ending the world, and giving him Dean and Castiel back. Though if Michael and Lucifer stopped trying to kill each other than maybe they could each let the other one in on where the various vessels were.

Sam leant his forehead against the railing and sighed. He was going to the doctor's office today to see if he could figure anything more out. There was a part of him that really didn't want to, it wanted to stay in the penthouse and not deal with the zombies ever again. Lucifer had the power to stop Sam ever needing to leave; he could probably even get Sam some books to spend the time. But that wouldn't fix the situation and it wouldn't get Dean and Cas back.

What was Dean going to say when Sam admitted to working alongside Lucifer? To letting him 'in'. That's if what Meg said was true and they were still alive. He guessed Lucifer could be lying to him about that, but he didn't question it. It wasn't quite that he trusted the devil, or maybe he did. Trusted him to want to end the world, but also trusted him to watch his back. It was a weird sort of understanding they had fallen into. Sam didn't necessarily think that was a bad thing.

Sam heard footsteps behind him and he turned to look at Lucifer. He stood there mostly still wet with a towel wrapped round his waist. So… that's what he looked like without clothes. Sam was surprised to see subtle muscle definition that had been hiding behind his flannel shirts. It wasn't like his own body, which he kept training so when it came to fighting he had an advantage. Lucifer didn't have that, but there were was definition, there was power that thrummed just beneath his skin. Sam watched water droplets roll down Luicfer's chest and he couldn't help but think of his own sessions in the shower. He couldn't have those thoughts with Lucifer in hearing range so he turned his face away, laying his head against the metal pole again.

'Enjoy?' he asked simply, decidedly focusing on the coldness against his forehead.

'It's fascinating. It makes the muscles in this body feel…' Lucifer stopped. Sam turned to look at him. 'Relaxed?'

Sam nodded, 'Yes that is the feeling. How are you still in that body by the way?'

'Oh, a trick I learnt from Gabriel,' Lucifer answered. 'Once you've been in a vessel its imprint is left on your soul. I could make many Nick bodies from the blueprint he left behind.'

'Could you not then make one of me?'

'I could, but not to the end you're thinking of. It's not the same body. This is not Nick, it is a replica. I need it to be you Sam, the power I derive comes not just it being your body, but your soul too.'

'Oh,' Sam said. 'So Nick's soul?'

'Long gone,' Lucifer replied. 'It had never been in this body. This one is simply a shell.'

'Why did you choose that one?' Sam asked. 'Why choose to be him?'

'I don't know. I couldn't come to you as you without freaking you out. You humans are annoyingly easy to disturb. And I liked Nick.'

'You liked him? You liked a human?'

'I can like a few of you while hating the majority you know.'

Sam shook his head. He didn't fancy pointing out to Lucifer that was how most humans thought of other humans. Though he probably just heard that thought anyway. But in the end most people didn't want to sacrifice the ones they loved just to hurt the ones they hated.

Lucifer scoffed. 'I said I liked Nick, I didn't say I loved him.'

'People still don't tend to hurt the people they like, or if they do it's not deliberate and people often apologise for it.'

'I am not people. But I would like to point out that I never hurt Nick. He willingly accepted me. He had turned against a god who had abandoned him; I sympathised.'

Probably best not to mock the soggy angel, but really, Lucifer, sympathy? But the more he got to know Lucifer the more he understood Lucifer's 'evil'. Sam knew evil. He knew it intimately. He spend his life fighting it, being surrounded by it, breathing it, being it. It was a stale cloak that hung over his existence. He knew it's every crevice: the vengeance, the anger, the envy, the greed, the lust, and the because you can. It was never as simple as they always tried to make it.

Sam even would go so far as to say half the creatures they killed weren't evil. They were dangerous animals at best, unable to help themselves from their basic survival instincts. Vampires didn't drink people to hurt them, to torture them, they did it because they needed to do it to survive. But they preyed on humans and that was why hunters had to stop them.

Ghosts became evil; swallowed up by retribution and hate. That one spark of it in their heart swelled like the tide until it was a tsunami. Demons were evil by nature and shape. They were the twisted humans who'd suffocated under the weight of it and became things that loved pain, loved to hurt, loved to kill. That was true evil, the enjoyment in suffering, the willingness to break others because you can. No matter what he said, or what he had started, Lucifer had never been that sort of evil.

He was capable of acts others could think of as evil (ending the world being a massive one). But it was out of anger, and the need for vengeance that drove the archangel to destruction. Sam didn't want to know that, he wanted Lucifer to be black and white evil like demons. He wasn't even a baseless animal unable to do anything but hurt. He was like the ghosts. Stuck in a spiral of never-ending anger.

Lucifer stood quiet next to him. Sam knew he had heard everything, but he didn't react.

'So, what happened to Nick?' Sam asked changing the subject and still refusing to turn and look at Lucifer in the towel.

'Home invasion. His wife and child were murdered. Nothing was stolen, the man who'd done it saw her at the supermarket and decided to kill her: pure chance. Never got caught.'

'Oh.'

'That is what you are trying to protect, a race that kills itself for sport.'

Sam stood up and faced Lucifer.

'I get it,' Sam said. 'We are serial killers, we are terrorists, we are abusive fathers and useless mothers. We are rapists and pedophiles. But we are also scientists, musicians, writers, artists, and philanthropists. We are the woman who gives up all she has to raise her child. We are the man who fights for his country to give freedom to others. We are the child sharing their candy money with the kid who has nothing. We may be bad but we are also good. Why should one have to suffer for the other. Look at you. Look at your species. What Castiel has done: the great and the horrific. Uriel and even Gabriel. Yourself. You're as fucked up as we are.'

Lucifer stared at him as Sam tried to regain his breath.

'You don't get it,' Lucifer said. 'It's no longer about what you are. It's what I've become. It's what I was born to do.'

Lucifer turned away from Sam and headed back into the penthouse. Sam didn't say anything because that was the same dance they kept on doing. The same vicious circle that ended up with Lucifer saying he had no choice, he wanted vengeance. But his vengeance was going to lead to his own destruction at the hands of Michael, and Sam was starting to not particularly like that outcome, and not just because the world got destroyed in the process.

Sam walked into the penthouse and Lucifer was fully dressed, sat on the sofa that faced the 60" screen.

'But in the end you're going to kill me first,' Sam stated because it was a bout time he mentioned it again. 'You do everything for me, but in the end all you want to do is obliterate my soul. I don't understand it.'

Lucifer didn't say anything but he stared at Sam and it almost hurt. Sam looked away and coughed to try and remove the feeling Lucifer's stare was causing him.

'I need to go to the Doctors surgery today, are you coming?'

'Yes.' Lucifer replied.

'Fine,' Sam grumbled. He knew if Lucifer didn't come it would result in Sam becoming a zombie but he still felt like being grumpy at him.

Sam handed the address he had wrote down to Lucifer. Lucifer closed his eyes for a moment, most likely sensing for zombies, and then he was in a new room. Sam's head was dizzy from the immediate relocation. He was never getting used to that.

Lucifer had zapped them into one of the doctor's rooms. The place was still remarkably tidy considering the apocalypse. He guessed this doctor had been turned at home rather than work.

'Which room are we in?' Sam asked.

'The only one without a zombie in it, we're on the ground floor.'

Sam shrugged it was fair enough. 'Can you turn on this computer?'

'Don't you want to go to the room of Dr. Taylor?'

'Any doctor can access any patients details through the system,' Sam informed Lucifer. As soon as Sam had finished his sentence the computer bleeped to life. Despite their conversations which were getting nowhere fast Lucifer was very handy on jobs.

'Can your mystical powers hack through the password please?' Sam asked. He supposed he could do it himself, but hey, what's devil stalking for if not getting through computer blocks like this.

'It is an abuse of my mystical powers as you call them, I can create storms from nothing; rule the heavens, and level the world and you have me turning on computers and getting through passwords.'

'I also have you killing zombies and providing electricity,' Sam replied. 'Does that help?'

'You didn't need my help with the police computer,' Lucifer said.

'That's because the cop had his password post it noted to the screen.'

'I….' Lucifer coughed. 'I don't know how.'

Sam blinked. Was that serious?

'Yes,' he said and looked at his feet. 'I was locked in a cage for millennia. I know of computers but I have never used a one.'

'So you can level the world and rule the heavens, but you can't get onto a computer?'

Lucifer glared at him. Sam tried really hard not to laugh, he had finally found something Lucifer couldn't do, it was brilliant. But Sam still had to get onto the system. He restarted the computer and entered into DOS command prompt. He went about changing the admin user password to a one he wanted to use. It was primitive and worked on ridiculously unprotected computers, but it got the job done.

It didn't take him too long, and every time Lucifer made a noise Sam jumped thinking it was a zombie. Once he was in the system he searched for Mr. Franklin's computer file. Unfortunately, there were three Mr. Franklin's who went to this doctor's surgery. He thought back to his trip to the law office but the man's first name hadn't stuck in his mind. He looked through all three until he saw the man on antidepressants due to his wife leaving him. He remembered the profile in the police report.

He looked through the medical information for any signs pointing to 'Going to start a zombie plague.' The man had very high cholesterol and was clinically obese. He had various medications: antidepressants,blood pressure tablets and inhalers. He was also scheduled for a glucose test. Dr. Taylor had a note attached to the file.

_Against my advice patient is taking part in a medical trial involving weight loss._

Sam rubbed his forehand. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Even experimental weight loss was not something new to the world of divorced middle aged men. But something here was unnatural. Maybe he was going about this entirely the wrong way, what if Mr. Franklin just walked past a radioactive potato and that was all it took. But surely the outbreak would have been concentrated around the potato and the break out would have been multiple people? However the radiation could develop at different times in people. But still, radiation probably still only caused cancer and radiation poisoning. Why hadn't he achieved a science degree again?

 _Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable must be the truth._ For Doyle's Sherlockian theory to make sense he had to start working on eliminating things, and these were the things he had in front of him. So he had to check the pharmacy for prozac, metolazone, salbutamol and whatever the crazy weight loss thing was.

'Lucifer, can you sense if there is a pharmacy nearby, if there is can you go get all of these drugs and zap them all back to the penthouse,' he said printing out the prescription.

Lucifer wrinkled his nose in that way of his.

'Please?' Sam asked. 'It'd be a massive help. I did introduce you to showers.'

'As you wish,' Lucifer said and for once Sam didn't actually have any idea of whether he was sarcastic or not. But he did vanish seconds later. Sam realised he probably should have suggested Lucifer come back for him when he was done. But he would anyway wouldn't he? Lucifer couldn't expect Sam to go back on his own? Maybe he did, Lucifer didn't always have a concept of how dangerous the zombies could be for Sam.

He sighed and looked back to the note on the medical trial. He expanded the note, to see the trial had taken place at the University of Detroit Mercy, the science department were testing out new weight loss pills. The medication had shown positive results on large mammals and was now into it's human testing faze. Nothing about that seemed particularly unusual, but he was going to have to have a look at those pills as well. They'd probably be at his place. He could also hunt for anything else suspicious if he went there.

He looked up the address on the file. Mr. Franklin's home was only across the street from the doctor's surgery, he could get there. He hadn't brought the crowbar this time, he had a knife in his pocket but he didn't fancy getting close enough to any zombies to use it. He stamped down on the patient's chair but nothing happened. He kept going, his foot hurting more with every strike, but eventually it bent back and he was able to leaver a chair leg off.

Slightly happier with his new weapon Sam put his ear against the door. He listened closely for any sounds of movement. He had a brief moment of doubt. Perhaps he should stay and wait for Lucifer. But did he have any guarantee Lucifer would be coming back? And besides, he had gone out plenty of times on his own before Lucifer had decided to help.

There were no sounds beyond the door, but that didn't mean much in Sam's experience. He could smell death, but most places had that particular odour these days. He opened the door slightly, the latch clicked. Sam peered around the small gap he'd created; he saw nothing. He opened it a little more but no movement caught his eye. He only saw bodies.

He stepped out out of the doctor's room to have a better look around. There were bodies everywhere, but what he noticed most was that all their heads had been exploded. Lucifer had either done it on arrival or before he left. Sam was surprised, he hadn't asked Lucifer to do any of that.

It didn't take long for Sam to get across the street and into Mr. Franklin's, the door had been closed but unlocked and the street had been void of the animated dead. Sam didn't feel better, they were always close by. He hurried up the stairs assuming the guy would keep his medicines in the bathroom cabinet.

The bathroom was a bright white tile not unlike that of a hospital. The mirrored cabinet was slightly open. Inside were all the medicines listed in his file including a bottle of pills with the label of the university on it. He looked closer at the bottle, but there was no extra label, or anything to indicate what the pills actually did. He stuffed the pills in his pocket and went to go look in the bedroom.

The bedroom was a mess, clothes everywhere, the bed unmade. For someone so meticulous in his work life he clearly didn't have the same regard for his home life. Sam sighed, it was times like this he thought hunters really needed to be paid for their work. He started to shift through the man's belongings. Sam wasn't sure what he was looking for, only that something could be here that would explain the mess.

There was nothing unusual. But was that in itself unusual? Sam didn't know anymore. He considered swabbing some of the surfaces, but he wasn't a scientist. It wouldn't lead to any success.

The front door creaked. Sam straightened and listened harder. He didn't hear anything more.

'Lucifer?' he said quietly but there was no response. Sam picked up chair leg and held it firmly in his hand. He placed himself behind the door to the bedroom and waited. As the smell of death got stronger Sam's stomach rolled.

A zombie stumbled through the door and Sam swung with all his might at the dead woman. She crashed into the dresser and fell to the floor. Before she had a chance to get up and start attaching him again Sam stamped repeatedly on her head. He tried not to hear the crunch of the rotten skull beneath his feet.

The pain in his shoulder was sudden. His stomach dropped at the realisation that it was over now. He swung the chair leg back anyway, hitting the thing biting his shoulder. The zombie didn't let go so Sam kept hitting him until the brains ran down his arm and the zombie fell limp to the floor.

There were no others. Sam pressed his hand on the wound on his shoulder. He had an inexplicable urge to laugh, so he did. He laughed like he hadn't done since this whole thing had started. He laughed so hard his stomach hurt.

He lay himself on the bed getting out the pen-knife he'd had in his pocket. No matter what, he'd always known he wouldn't let himself become one of them. But at least he was going out with the knowledge that Dean and Cas were safe. Maybe Lucifer would bring him back against his will, or maybe he'd give up and this was Sam's chance at peace.

He bit his lip. He didn't want to do this alone. A strange part of him wanted Lucifer to be with him in the last moment. Not because Lucifer might well be able to save him but because he'd gotten so used to the archangel being around that it felt weird not to have him there.

He lifted the knife high into the air above his chest and plunged it down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a playlist for this story and I thought some people may be interested in knowing the songs. This is not the full list but the ones that I think are the most applicable.
> 
> Bloodstained Heart - Darren Hayes  
> Miracle - Shinedown  
> Broken Wings - Alter Bridge  
> Zombie - Family Force 5  
> Breaking Inside - Shinedown  
> I Will Not Bow - Breaking Benjamin  
> Remember Everything - Five Finger Death Punch  
> I Like The Way - Darren Hayes  
> Time is Running Out - Muse  
> End of the World - Ingrid Michaelson  
> Evil Angel - Breaking Benjamin  
> The Horror of Our Love - Ludo  
> Isolation - Alter Bridge  
> Toxic - A Static Lullaby  
> Lucky - Bif Naked


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will definitely be no update in November as I will be nanowrimo-ing. If any of you are having a go I'm wordsinrain on there as well come and buddy me.
> 
> And most importantly my heart goes out to everyone on the east cost of America tonight and I hope if any of you beautiful readers are there right now that you remain safe.

**"Deep in my heart I want more than just a man. I want a fallen angel, someone who would rather reign in hell than serve in heaven, a creature of light and darkness, good and evil, love and hate. A creature of life and death." - Anne Stuart**

* * *

Sam opened his eyes. He was lying in a bed again except this time his pants were still on and it was the penthouse. He sat up and he reached for his chest. The area was mostly smooth except for a small ridge of a scar over his heart. He checked his shoulder next and but that was clear of any mark. Lucifer was the only one, who could or would have done this. He was only one with the power to push the virus out of his system.

Lucifer had said all along he wasn't going to let Sam become a zombie and yet Sam still felt surprised that he had saved him again. Was he expecting Sam now to fall at his feet and say yes to being the vessel. Because he wasn't going to.

Sam ached from head to toe. He dragged his muscles around like stones as he tried to get out of the bed. The bed itself was king sized and the room was big enough to fit his entire college apartment in it. The sheets were a dark wine colour and the material was so soft it was painful compared to the rough scratchy stuff he was used to in cheap motels with Dean.

As he stood up dizziness washed over him and he fell to his hands and knees. Come on Sam you've fought demons feeling worse than this. Sam struggled to get himself back to standing. He used the wall for support and walked out of the master bedroom.

'Luci-' Sam barely started calling when a hand wrapped round his throat and pushed him against the wall. It happened so fast he didn't have time to fight back.

'How are dare you!' Lucifer snarled. His hand firmly held Sam in place but there was at least enough room for Sam to breath. It felt like his throat was locked in place by an iron shackle. He should be trying to fight free, even if he wasn't strong enough, he should try. But he knew on some level Lucifer wasn't going to hurt him. 'Why didn't you wait for me?'

Lucifer was angry with him. The thought only barely registered in Sam's brain. It was taking most of his energy just staying conscious. He thought about what had happened, how he wasn't sure Lucifer would remember to come back, how it was only over the road. He thought hard because he knew at that moment it was the best way to show Lucifer.

'You didn't think I would come back?' Lucifer said and let go. He shook his head and stalked to the other side of the room.

'Why are you so upset?' Sam asked still leaning against the wall for support. 'I'm here aren't I, your vessel is fine.'

Lucifer turned to him, his eyes glowing. The sky thundered and rain poured down in sheets. It echoed around the room and a flash of lightning illuminated the area. Okay, Lucifer was still not happy. Sam didn't feel well enough to deal with this.

'You're my true vessel Sam,' Lucifer growled.

'I'm aware of that,' Sam pointed out.

'No I don't think you are. I am a being more powerful than your human brain can fathom, but I am only that in you. I'm a shell of who I am because I am only in a shell. This body is soulless, I told you that, it has limitations. What if I couldn't do it. What if this body hadn't been strong enough?'

Sam frowned. 'I didn't kill myself thinking you would save me. I killed myself to stop becoming a zombie. I was prepared to die.'

'I wasn't prepared to let you,' Lucifer said. Sam stumbled forward and attempted to sit on he sofa but he mostly just fell at it. 'Even now. Your body is weak because it died. I did what I could but it needs more time. I don't like the thought of you dead.'

'Of course you don't, you need me for your vessel.'

'Stop!' There was an explosion and Sam looked out of the window startled. An office block had been reduced to rubble.

'Did you…?' Sam asked and then stopped because yes Lucifer just exploded a building and he should probably listen to the very angry archangel.

'You know the worst part of what happened to me wasn't the years in the cage, it wasn't even being banished from heaven.'

Sam rubbed his head at the sudden change of topic, his head was whirling and the storm outside wasn't easing it any.

'What was?'

'Knowing that my father knew what would happen and he did nothing to stop it. I loved him more than anything, I only wanted to show him why humans weren't good enough for him. But he knew what was going to befall me and he let it go ahead because he wanted humans to have a chance to reject me.'

'He-'

'When your father asked Dean to kill you, and then he told you, what did you think?'

'I felt sick,' Sam admitted. 'I didn't understand what was wrong with me. Why would he want that.' Sam missed off that occasionally he wished that Dean had just killed him then. There wouldn't have been an apocalypse. No need for Castiel to have become god, no Leviathans. Sam knew Lucifer could hear the thoughts, but it mattered that he didn't say them out loud. Or at least that's what he told himself.

'But Dean never did,' Lucifer stated.

'No and he wouldn't.'

'He let you go into the pit.'

'That was my decision, it was the only way I could think to stop you.'

'Even with father long gone and no where to be seen Michael wants to kill me. He is still eager to carry out those orders. That's what the worst part is. My brother.'

Sam sat in silence. He didn't know what to say. What was there to say? Hey your brothers suck ass, sorry mine loved me enough not to want me dead? It was horrible what they did to him. Sam had known that from the beginning, but the more he got to know Lucifer the more he thought that this could've been avoided from the start. God didn't have to banish Lucifer from his home for having a difference of opinion.

Lucifer looked at Sam, 'You've been through similar things to me Sammy. It's why I always liked you. But you're still self-sacrificing as ever. Going out amongst zombies to find the answers so you can save everyone. You're soul is strong and good to the core. I know, I've held it.'

'That's a little creepy.'

'I tried to protect it in the pit,' Lucifer admitted. 'I shielded it.'

Sam couldn't remember what had happened in the pit, even when he was going crazy he couldn't remember why, it was just nightmares and hallucinations.

'The pit is torment. Your soul should've been obliterated,' Lucifer said.

'But you still want to overtake me,' Sam said.

'Up until now, my revenge and the duty of my existence outweighed my desire to keep you. But it was the only thing that outweighed it.'

Sam didn't understand any of what Lucifer was saying and the desire to sleep was slowly winning.

'Until now?' Sam asked.

'Yes. You win,' Lucifer said. 'If I have to die by Michael's hand either way then at least you'll still live.'

Sam passed out.

* * *

Sam was on the sofa when he woke up, but he was in a comfortable position and there was a cup of coffee and some painkillers on the floor next to it. Did he dream that conversation with Lucifer? Had Lucifer been angry that Sam had nearly died because he genuinely didn't want Sam to die? Did Lucifer just agree to not to use Sam as a vessel?

His head started pounding thinking it over so he reached for the pain killers and coffee. At least now he could feel less guilty for wanking over someone who wanted to get rid of his soul. He knew Dean would think it was trap, and maybe it was, but Sam was tired and Lucifer was the only person here.

He noticed the sound of the shower then. Lucifer was obviously revisiting the mystical properties of indoor waterfalls. It reminded him of Lucifer stepping out the shower last time, his surprise at the muscle definition and the droplets of water running down his chest.

Sam was hard. He groaned and took another sip of coffee. He was going to ignore it till it went away. He was not going to sit here and think of having sex with Lucifer. For starters he'd only ever had sex with women and for all Sam knew Lucifer was a millennia old virgin. Or worse what if his spirit had been present at all those orgies in his name?

Sam shifted his position on the sofa and his cock rubbed against his jeans. Fuck. Why didn't this penthouse have two showers? No, he was ignoring this.

He did find himself morbidly curious on Lucifer's sexual endeavours, had he experimented with carnal desire? No. He needed to stop, he needed to think about the zombies and fixing this mess. But he couldn't stop seeing the image of Lucifer in a towel. This was stupid. He wasn't gay. He really liked women. But then again they had a habit of dying on him. Lucifer wouldn't die on him. The 'cock curse' as Dean had put it wouldn't extend to him. No. He couldn't believe he was even considering this. He was not going to try and sleep with Satan. No. No. No.

'Ah you're up,' Lucifer said and Sam nearly dropped the coffee in his hands. How much had Lucifer heard?

'Nothing,' Lucifer answered. 'Though considering how strongly you desire I hadn't heard anything I am curious as to what it was. Penny for you thoughts?'

Lucifer was in just the towel again. Sam hung his head, this was going to end in tears. Probably his.

'What is?'

'Stop that,' Sam complained.

'I can't help it, your thoughts are loud,' Lucifer answered. Sam sat back against the sofa and sighed. He was going to think about coffee. He liked coffee. Coffee was good, good, good. Lucifer didn't say anything and Sam risked looking at him. Lucifer was looking at Sam's legs and Sam glanced down to realise reclining back on the sofa had proudly displayed his erection even through his jeans. Sam quickly sat forward.

Lucifer's eyes didn't move and Sam was beginning to feel hot. He couldn't do this again. He remembered the first time with Ruby, the overwhelming need to have someone, anyone, to distract him from grieving for Dean. He'd known how wrong it was to sleep with a demon and it had barely slowed him down. He wanted her, but more than that he had wanted the guilt.

He missed Dean but he wasn't grieving for him, he believed Lucifer when he said Dean was alive. There was no hidden guilt to project on to anything, the zombies weren't his fault and neither was Dean's disappearance. There was only stark loneliness. Was it really that wrong?

Lucifer was still silent, and Sam wondered what had Lucifer gained from his thoughts. Sam looked at him and he could see through the towel that Lucifer was now also hard.

'Did you mean it?' Sam asked.

'That I don't want to use you as a vessel anymore?'

'Yes. Is this another trap. I fell for a demon before,' Sam said.

'I'm not a demon.'

'No. You're worse,' Sam said honestly. Because Lucifer had the power to hurt him in way Ruby couldn't dream of.

'Yes I meant it,' Lucifer replied. 'There's nothing I can do to convince you that it is the truth. But I also meant it when I said that I never have and I never will lie to you.'

'Have you ever had sex?' Sam asked.

'As angels in the heavens we don't know lust as we don't have bodies in the human sense. But on earth it is different. I know of lust but I've never pursued its outcome.' Lucifer looked pointedly down at his crotch. Sam bit his lip. Was he going to try this?

Sam got to his feet and stalked towards Lucifer, he was aware he was still topless from the attack. Sam ran his thumb over Lucifer's jaw. It was like petting a tiger, one wrong move and Lucifer could eviscerate him. Sam could feel the power simmering beneath the surface. It was intoxicating. Lucifer smirked at Sam's appraisal.

The stubble under his thumb reminded Sam that it was most definitely a male body he was going to play with.

'I could make a new vessel,' Lucifer said quietly.

'No,' Sam said and he meant it. This was Lucifer's body to him, this was what made sense, and although Sam had never been with a man before, this was the body he was hard for.

Lucifer was still before him, waiting for Sam to make the first move. Lucifer knew his thoughts, he knew what he was planning and had plenty of time to run. Or kill him for some sort of satan blasphemy. If the world wasn't over run by zombies he probably would get killed by devil worshippers for defiling their god.

'Your thoughts go to interesting places,' Lucifer commented. 'But I preferred where they were at before.'

Sam took a deep breath and kissed Lucifer. Lucifer's lips were hard and immovable but he didn't back away. As Sam moved his lips Lucifer's softened, as if he was yielding his body to Sam's. It was rougher than any kissing he had done previously and that was a good thing. The world was falling apart around him, he didn't want soft and gentle, he wouldn't the rough and angry archangel.

Sam felt Lucifer's fingers in his hair, pulling them closer together as if he was worried Sam was going to run. Sam left his hand on Lucifer's jaw but his other went to Lucifer's hip and he crushed their bodies together. Sam groaned into Lucifer's mouth at the friction against his cock.

He broke the kiss to move his lips along Lucifer's jaw. The stubble scratched his lips, it was on odd sensation but he liked it. He nibbled the jawline and down the neck. He licked and sucked as well, completely intent on devouring Lucifer.

He stood still letting Sam kiss him and pet him and Sam was okay with it. For this moment he wanted to show Lucifer how good being a human could be. Sam found Lucifer's lips again and this time Lucifer was hungry for him. The kiss was fast and almost desperate.

Sam forced the kiss away again and Lucifer frowned, but he let Sam have his way. This was where Sam was powerful and Lucifer was letting Sam lead. He thought that perhaps if they continued down this path it wouldn't stay that way for long.

Sam bent his neck to nibble along Lucifer's collar bone his hands exploring Lucifer's chest. He brushed a thumb over a nipple and heard Lucifer suck in his breath. Good Sam thought. But he didn't leave it there as he kept running his hands over Lucifer's chest and he moved his kissing there as well. He was enjoying testing out this new experience with him. It was like they were both teenagers stumbling in the dark hoping their parents wouldn't hear.

Sam may not have been with a man before, but he'd wanked himself off enough times, and he knew what he personally liked. So he kept kissing and exploring and listening to Lucifer gasp and groan.

'Sam,' he whispered. It was odd to hear Lucifer sound out his name in a voice both low and filled with need. He liked it.

'Yes?' he asked grinning against Lucifer's ribs.

'Stop being a tease.'

Sam laughed and untied the towel around Lucifer's waist allowing it to fall to the floor. He stared for a moment. Stared because it was a cock, and stared because he actually liked it.

Rather than question any of it any more he gripped Lucifer in his hand and he continued grinning when Lucifer groaned again. Sam went back to kissing Lucifer's neck as he stroked him. Lucifer's hands were in Sam's hair pulling him further onto his neck. He bit Lucifer's neck gently as his hand moved faster, he heard Lucifer's breathing speed up. Sam wanted Lucifer to come. He thought about it so Lucifer would know it. So the image of him spilling into Sam's hand would be planted in his brain.

'Sam,' Lucifer said again, his voice horse. Sam felt the pressure of his own cock straining his pants, but he didn't care, he wanted Lucifer to experience this. So he kept thinking of him coming and kept thinking of all the other ways he was going to make it happen.

Lucifer yelled out as he climaxed in Sam's hand.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There aren't words for how sorry I am this story has been getting ignored. It wasn't deliberate but I've had a lot of personal stuff going on that hasn't allowed time for fanfiction. I promise you this story will not be forgotten ever [Well unless I cop it]. The updates may be few and far between but they will come.

**"To mourn a mischief that is past and gone is the next way to draw new mischief on". - Othello (Act I, Scene III).**

Sam was officially a coward. In fact that might have been a generous title. He could not and would not face Lucifer. He had been in the shower for two hours or there abouts. His skin had wrinkled around his finger tips and still he had no intention of moving. He didn’t know what to think of any of it, and if he didn’t know what to think how could he then talk to Lucifer. That was the thing about the cranky archangel, he could completely blindside your emotions and opinions if you didn’t watch him carefully. He’d give you electricity, and put you in a nice apartment and kill zombies with you. He’d then save your life and proclaim to not end the world for you and turn you on and make you completely forget that he is the DEVIL.  


Sam lay his forehead against the cold tiles. What was he doing? Lucifer was lying to him, he had to be. But he kind of loved hearing those lies. He wasn’t all that sure he wanted to hear the truth. If this was it for humanity was it really that bad to spend the rest of his years (or months) believing Lucifer cared about him. If it was true it was absurdly flattering. The angel had been around for millenia; he’d seen an infinite amount of humanity and humans that Sam’s brain couldn’t even process. How could he then look at Sam and change his mind?  


And if Sam did believe Lucifer what exactly did that mean? What did jerking him off mean? Were they now a couple? Had Sam inadvertently ended up in a gay relationship with the ruler of hell? Is that what had happened? That was too absurd, he actually laughed. But did they intend to keep doing these things? Did Sam? There were so many questions his head was hurting and that was without even beginning to think about the zombie issue. Perhaps he should just focus on zombies and hope the rest of it sorted itself out in time. That was wishful thinking and he knew it. But he let the thought go for now.  
There was a knock on the bathroom door. Lucifer knocked. Ha, god was Sam going crazy. He certainly felt like it.  
‘What?’ he shouted.  


‘I wanted to make sure you were alive and hadn’t been Hitchcocked,’ Lucifer said opening the door. Sam was on the verge of being offended or embarrassed or any of the emotions you’re supposed to be when someone barges into the bathroom when in you’re in the shower but he couldn’t be bothered. The glass of the shower was sufficiently covered in droplets that he doubted Lucifer could see much anyway. Lucifer was a only a blurry blob to him.  


‘I’m fine,’ Sam said. Even he didn’t think he sounded convincing. ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’  


He waited for Lucifer to argue or say something else attached to pop culture but he just walked out instead. Sam frowned. He supposed he really should leave…and do something worthwhile. Like discover the cause of the zombie Apocalypse and fix it, like the good hunter he was supposed to be. He turned the shower off but stood there as the chill took over without moving. He thought about Lucifer’s face afterward, the look of disbelief and…happiness. It had stopped Sam in his tracks. He’d never seen a look like that on anyone nevermind on Lucifer. No one had looked at him like he was a wonder. It had scared Sam, and he didn’t know why. But he’d legged it to the shower.  


Goosebumps raised along his arms, he stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. What did Lucifer think? Sam had claimed he was going to shower to clean up, and Lucifer had nodded wordlessly. But now? After Sam hid for hours? The towel was rough and course against his skin. It was good, it felt normal. Even though he’d finished himself off in the shower he knew this wasn’t the end of it, his body wouldn’t let it be.  


No he wasn’t going to think about this anymore, he needed to sort out the zombie problem and he needed to do it soon. He stepped out of the bathroom into the main room of the apartment fully expecting to see Lucifer, but the angel wasn’t there. It worried him how empty it made the place feel. The area was too nice, too clean and too empty. He sighed, he supposed this is what he wanted, space to think on the zombies. But he really hoped Lucifer hadn’t changed his mind and was now going about ending the world.  


Once he had sorted his clothes out he laid the various pills out in front of him. He rubbed his hand along his chin. The bright coloured capsules providing no answer. He didn’t know what to do with them. How was he supposed to test if the answer to the zombie virus was in one of these little pills?  


He could try them. But then he’d end up one of them and then where would they be. What he wouldn’t do to have Dean with him. Dean had always made fun of Sam for being a nerd but in the end what made Sam so smart was firing things off Dean. How was he going to prove that these tablets were either?  


There was a crash of thunder and a rush of rain that woke Sam from his ponderings. His thoughts went immediately to Lucifer, which was stupid because Detroit had this kind of weather all the time. He shook his head at his own stupidity and went back to looking at the pills. He wondered if Lucifer would be able to sense something in them. Maybe that was wishful thinking.  


Sam felt the floor rumbling beneath his feet. An earthquake? The room around him shook and the pills rolled onto the floor. The room filled with a large flash of light. Sam covered his eyes with his hand but the damage was done. As he tried to open them bright colours swirled along his vision like he was looking at the world through a kaleidescope.  


There was a figure lying on the floor in a heap. He didn’t need to be a mind reader to know it was Lucifer. Sam moved slowly toward him as if approaching a sleeping tiger.  


‘Lucifer?’  


There was no sound from him. Sam frowned; Lucifer’s back was turned to him.  


‘Lucifer?’  


This time there was a groan from the heap. Sam walked around him but his face was still shielded by his arm. Sam took in a deep breath and moved Lucifer’s arm. His face was beaten. Beaten in a way he didn’t think angel’s could be, it looked too human. But there was a black eye and a split lip. There was even bruising along around Lucifer’s neck and he was covered in sweat.  


Sam hefted Lucifer up, throwing him over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. Lucifer was surprisingly light, but he supposed that was Nick’s body that was doing that. He didn’t know what he was doing, but despite everything Lucifer was, the angel had helped him these past few weeks and he wasn’t going to shun that now. So he carried Lucifer to his room and dumped him on the bed.  


Lucifer groaned again and he opened his eyes. The whites of his eyes were covered in blood as if all the vessels had broken, and more bruises started to appear, this time along the side of his jaw.  


‘What?’ Sam asked to the air.  


‘I’m sorry.’  


‘What?’ Sam asked a little taken aback Lucifer had apologised to him. ‘What happened?’  


‘Not important,’ Lucifer said. His head lolled to the side, his eyes closed. Sam shook his head, what the fuck had just happened? Sam undid Lucifer’s shirt, he winced as the skin was marbled with black and purple. He’d had to have come into contact with Michael, there was no other explanation as to what had happened. But why? Lucifer had said Michael was running amok in the heavens trying to fix Castiel’s mess, had Lucifer gone there or was Michael now finished with all of that?  


Sam rubbed his temples, he couldn’t deal with this, he had zombies to fix. He should have just listened to Lucifer and let him kill all the zombies. It was simpler when he was in his little run down flat and Lucifer was snarky to him. Was Lucifer in pain? He had to be with those wounds. If it was Dean Sam would run for the painkillers, the whiskey, search for anything that might need strapping and snapping back into place. But he doubted painkillers would help Lucifer and he didn’t seem to go for whiskey.  


He walked back into the main room he bit his lip. Lucifer had saved him when he been stabbed with glass. Lucifer had also saved him when he had been turned into a zombie and went to kill himself. Sam paced through the living room apartment. The archangel should heal on his own. But Sam still felt the state of Lucifer nagging at the edges of his mind. He didn’t like seeing him that way after everything he had done, and….What would Dean say if he knew Sam was contemplating saving the devil? But he wasn’t saving him was he? He’d be fine on his own, he was just going to try and ease his pain. Just like the devil had been doing for him. It was fair. That’s all: fair.  


But he still had all the ingredients, they’d been in the old flat he’d kept them all out of habit and Lucifer had just whisked everything he had up to this penthouse thing. The spell had never been the hard part, they never were for him. Dean struggled with the latin, but the words tumbled out of Sam’s mouth as easy as English. The words were in his blood. The difficult part for Sam had alway been the guilt, the sense that what he was doing was wrong, but still being utterly convinced it was the only way. It had gnawed at him like a dog on his last bone. But he didn’t feel that this time.  


Even as the demon stood before him and Sam plunged the knife in the young man’s heart he didn’t feel that guilt. It was as absent as Dean. Exsanguanation [fts]took time and precision and methods and Sam didn’t have time for that. Instead he grabbed the mugs from the cupboard and filled each one at a time, slicing something new off the demon every time. It was messy and the floor was covered and it was a pitiful waste. But he needed to be quick with this.  


The coppery smell of blood mixed with sulphar wrapped around Sam like chains. He wanted to drink the blood, even now after all this time, the smell was sending his mind into fits. His skin was itchy and was inches away from drowning in the blood. But he remembered Lucifer’s broken form on his bed and he forced himself to ignore it.  


He left the pieces of the demon on his floor, Lucifer could sort it later. Instead he took th mugs two at a time into the bedroom and put them neatly on the bedside table.  


‘Lucifer?’ Sam tried once he’d brought the last one through. But there was no answer, Lucifer was out for the count.  


Sam lifted Lucifer’s chin back and opened his mouth, he had a moment of doubt, he could kill Lucifer right now, kill him and end the torment, but he couldn’t. Lucifer was too much now. So he poured the blood into his mouth, he didn’t break even between mugs and he ignored the bit the rolled out of the corner of Lucifer’s mouth, and he really ignored his desire to lick it off.  


When he’d finished he stood back to admire his handiwork but nothing was happening. Did he do it wrong? Lucifer groaned then, not the one of pleasure Sam had pulled out of him but a groan low and painful. Then he was screaming. Sam covered his ears and backed up against the wall.  


The screaming seemed to go on for an age, but eventually it stopped and Lucifer’s head lolled to the side. Sam looked him over from head to toe and noticed the bruising had vanished. Lucifer shot up in the bed his eyes wide like a deer’s.  


‘Sam?’  


‘Welcome back,’ Sam replied. ‘You had one hell of a beating there.’  


‘You fed me demon blood?’ he asked shocked.  


‘Well yeah it made you stronger last time,’ Sam said. ‘When you were in me.’  


Lucifer nodded, ‘Thank you.’  


‘Would that work on any angel?’  


‘No. It makes me stronger because I created them, it’s like returning tiny bits of my power back to me.’  


‘Oh, so if god-’  


‘Don’t go there,’ Lucifer replied.  


Sam nodded he moved and sat on the bed next to Lucifer, ignoring the demon blood stains he’d created. There was a lot of cleaning to do.  


‘Want to tell me what happened?’  


‘No,’ Lucifer said. ‘Though in other news I found some sorry humans still left on this continent.’  


Sam’s eyes widened he actually thought he was the last one left, that was great news.  


‘Great, where are they?’  


Lucifer scoffed, ‘You don’t want anything to do with them. They make the zombies fight each other for sport and experiment on them. They cage themselves off to stay safe and then torture the things inside.’  


Sam wanted to say he was surprised but he really wasn’t.  


‘Do they know anything about how it started or about how it works?’  


‘I wasn’t around long enough to find out but I could go back, want to come with?’  


‘Yes,’ Sam said without thinking. ‘But how about we rest first? You looked like you’d been hit by a Lorry and it reversed and backed over you for good measure.’  


Lucifer looked Sam up and down and Sam felt his cheeks heat up, god was he twelve?  


‘Angels don’t rest,’ Lucifer said and then tilted his head. ‘But there other things I wouldn’t mind trying to pass the time.’  


‘One orgasm and you’re a lusty teen,’ Sam mumbled, but his body was definitely reacting to him.  


Lucifer shrugged, ‘humans have lead me to believe that the feeling is meant to be reciprocated.’  


Sam wasn’t sure how to respond to that, he hadn’t reached a decision on anything. He needed to thi - Lucifer was kissing his jaw. Sam’s brain stopped thinking. Lucifer bit him.  


‘No we need…’ Sam tried to speak but his brain had short circuited. He couldn’t think with Lucifer’s mouth on him.  


‘You fascinate me Sam Winchester,’ Lucifer said in between his kisses. ‘Your human body. I want to see what I can make it do.’  


Sam closed his eyes cause that image was too much. Oh fuck it; he was sunk. He grabbed Lucifer’s jaw and pulled his mouth up to meet his.


	9. Chapter 9

****

****

**"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." -  
Edgar Allan Poe**

* * *

 

 

The human compound was nothing like Sam expected it to be. It was if a new society had been formed. Huge concrete walls surrounded the city. There was only one way in and that gate was electrified. Solar panels decorated the tops of the houses inside. A perfect little self sustaining paradise.  


‘Where are we?’ Sam asked Lucifer. They were sat on top of one of the many guard towers. How long had it taken them to make their prison he wondered?  


‘I believe humans call this place Texas.’ Sam nodded. It was night and cool enough that he hadn’t realised how far south Lucifer had taken them. ‘They lost many people building this city.’  


‘It was a city before though wasn’t it?’ Sam said noticing a Starbucks sign over a door that had guns in the window.  


‘Hm. They waited for the zombies to move on. Killed the stragglers and established a perimeter.’  


‘Military?’  


‘Yes,’ Lucifer replied. ‘Though they send out patrols now, take in survivors. Your people may well have found a way not to be extinct.’  


Sam tried not to hear the disappointment in Lucifer’s voice.  


‘Humans are resilient,’ Sam replied. Lucifer looked at him and the corners of his lips turned up in a wry smile.  


‘Sounds like a challenge.’  


‘No,’ Sam said in the stern voice he usually reserved for Dean. He resisted the temptation to add on Bad Satan, it conjured up too many images which weren’t as terrible as they should have been. There was a glint in Lucifer’s eyes that suggested he also liked where Sam’s thoughts had gone. ‘It’s unfair I can’t know what you’re thinking’  


‘I’ve said it before, you do not want my thoughts.’  


‘I would know whether to believe you or not,’ Sam pointed out. ‘I could trust you.’  


‘It’s not trust if you need evidence. Then it is just fact. Father was always very insistent on that.’  


‘I’m not one for faith anymore,’ Sam said. He’d been betrayed too many times, believed in the wrong path too many times. He couldn’t trust his own judgement anymore, nevermind anyone else’s. Certainly not the ruler of all things evil.  


‘To read my mind would be to stare into the abyss Sammy. I was trapped in the pit for thousands of years, you couldn’t handle your memories from just being in there for a year.’  


Sam gritted his teeth. He turned away from Lucifer to look down at the people walking the streets. It had been such a long time since he had seen other people; people who weren’t decaying as they moved. It was like a dream. A child ran down the street, not a creepy zombie child, but one that smiling. Even in the moonlight he could see the girl’s skin was the tanned colour of rich toffee instead of the grey bark of dead skin. She ran into a woman’s arms. A tall curvy woman who scooped the girl up onto her hips.  


The girl giggled in delight and wrapped her small arms around the woman’s neck. Sam’s face started to ache from the action that had been so foreign the last few months. His touched his fingers to his lips. He was smiling. The woman kissed the girl on the cheek and they walked off down the street and out of view. His cheeks were wet.  


‘It’s not all sugar and spice here,’ Lucifer said in a low voice. Sam rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He was glad Dean wasn’t here to see him, he could imagine the names he would be getting called. It wouldn’t be pretty.  


‘No,’ Sam replied. ‘Nothing ever is.’  


He wasn’t going to argue with Lucifer. Especially since Sam had a feeling Lucifer hadn’t said that to be mean, he’d said it to warn Sam from getting his hopes up.  


‘I can have multiple intentions,’ Lucifer said but didn’t contradict Sam. ‘Especially where you are concerned.’  


‘Show me the rest,’ Sam said.  


‘You sure?’  


‘You tell me how pathetic humans are on an hourly basis and now you want to protect me from it?’  


Lucifer shrugged and then they were on the streets.  


‘We’re invisible to them,’ he stated. Sam had already guessed that they were since the guards hadn’t shot at them when perched on their walls. The city felt different on the ground. Sam couldn’t see the other side of the city or its walls but the ones he could see seemed taller. They towered over the people inside. The buildings blocked out some of the moonlight, leaving it darker and colder.  


He followed Lucifer without saying a word, but already goosebumps were raised on his arms. They walked passed a couple arguing on a doorstep. He was taken aback at first; it was so normal. Just two people having it out in the streets. The woman even slapped the guy and it look like it stung.  


‘Ah wedded bliss,’ Lucifer commented. They kept on walking. Sam could start to hear a low rumbling sound. Like a warning growl off a large dog. The sound got louder as he walked on. He realised that it was a crowd cheering and applauding.  


Sam could start to make out one booming voice over the roaring crow.  


‘We have got a treat for you tonight!’  


They turned the street corner and they were faced with a fence surrounding a high school field. The bleachers were overflowing with people all animated and alive. So many people in one place. He was reminded of the one time he went to a school football game. He had just wanted to see what one was like. It had been smelly, noisy and crowded. It had been lonely as well; he’d gone on his own. But the crowd had been infectious, when they cheered he cheered, when they groaned he’d groaned. He’d been pulled into the mob mentality like it was magnetic.  


But this time he felt the opposite. The more they cheered the more a knife twisted in his stomach.  


‘Two woman in their twenties barely decayed,’ the booming voice continued. Sam moved closer to the fence, his fingers threading through the mesh. In the centre of the field where the spot lights were focused stood a tall cage. In opposing corners were two zombie women. Sam couldn’t make out much detail, but he could see they were chained to their corners. In the centre of the cage a man sat with his legs crossed; not bothered by the two zombies struggling against their chains to try and devour him.  


Sam’s stomach rolled while the rest of him remained calm and still. There was no surprise in what he saw. He considered asking Lucifer to take them away, but he stayed. Sam was the one who went on about the goodness in humanity, he wouldn’t turn his head when for a fleeting moment Lucifer’s ideas didn’t seem all that wrong.  


‘3,’ the voice boomed.  


‘2,’ the crowd joined in.  


‘1,’ Sam sighed.  


‘RELEASE THEM.’  


There was a loud buzzer and the chains dropped from the women’s throats. Sam squinted to try and see what was happening better. The man jumped to his feet as the zombies went for him. He had some sort of axe in his hands. He taunted the zombies at first, making them chase him before he dodged or rolled out of the way. The crowd cheered but as they started to lose their thrill he changed his techniques.  


He waited till a woman placed one hand on his shoulder. As she went in for the bite he swung the axe down. The arm fell to the floor. The crowd applauded. The other woman had caught up by then so he moved out the way. He kept going like that for the entire show. He’d move, wait for them to attack and remove a limb. The arms first and then the legs, leaving the zombies as torsos with biting heads. The crowd was hysterical with laughter.  


Sam expected the man to behead the women. He’d mutilated the zombies so they were harmless wriggling worms for the entertainment of the crowd. Now it was time to end it. But he didn’t. The man instead kept moving around the cage, taunting the zombies so they would try to wriggle in his direction. He kicked them a few times and then lifted one up by it’s hair to show the crowd.  


‘He’s showing them there’s nothing to be afraid of,’ Sam said quietly.  


‘You condone this?’ Lucifer asked.  


‘You can see my thoughts, you know I don’t.’ Finally the axe came down on the zombies’ heads. The crowd cheered. Sam rested his forehead against the mesh fence. The things humans could do to make themselves feel safe and powerful.  


‘We should go,’ Sam said.  


‘Not yet,’ Lucifer replied. ‘Watch.’  


Sam looked back toward the cage and other men were coming in and removing the limbs that had been strewn about the cage floor. One new zombie was brought out. This one was a large man and he was missing an ear. His eyes reflected out like glass orbs.  


A second man was brought out in chains. Sam thought it was another zombie at first, but the skin was too pink, there was no sign of decay and no struggling.  


‘Kevin Walker,’ the voice stated. ‘You have been found guilty of murder. You are sentenced to death.’  


The sick feeling in Sam’s stomach returned as the crowd once again cheered loudly. The buzzer sounded and both the man and the zombie were freed. The man turned and tried to leave the cage, backing away as the zombie approached him. Nothing happened for a long length of time. Sam just watched as the zombie chased the man and he evaded him. The crowd was growing restless.  


One of the men who’d brought in the zombie pushed a stick in through the mesh. He prodded the man as he ran past and he cried out and fell to the floor. A cattle prod. The man tried to crawl back to his feet but the zombie had already taken the advantage and bit the man’s ankle. Sam turned his back to the fence as the crowd applauded.  


‘Brings back memories of Rome,’ Lucifer said in a wistful voice.  


‘You were in a cage,’ Sam snapped.  


‘I watched,’ Lucifer said. ‘I’ve always watched.’  


Sam started walking away from the fence. He wanted to go to back to sitting on the wall, watching children playing with their mothers and couples arguing.  


‘You said they ran experiments here.’  


‘Hm,’ Lucifer said.  


‘Do they know anything?’  


Sam had been staring out into the streets, but then he found himself staring at a metal door. His stomach dropped and he reached out to Lucifer to steady himself.  


‘Can you not give at least some warning before you do that,’ Sam complained. Lucifer shrugged.  


Once Sam’s insides had settled from the instant relocation he looked at where Lucifer had zapped him. The metal door in front of him had a square copper plaque at eye level. 156: High clearance.  


Sam hesitated. Anything could be behind the door. He was no scientist and he didn’t know what would be involved in testing zombies, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to see. He clenched his teeth together and turned the handle. There was only darkness before him. There was a flicker and a low hum and the area before him lit up.  


There were no zombies in the room but instead a couple of expensive looking pieces of equipment. There was a door to the back of the room with a hazard symbol on the front. He sat down at one of the computers. He moved the mouse to dislodge screensaver mode.  


_Username:_  


_Password:  
_

_Key:  
_

Sam looked up at Lucifer and pointed to the computer expectantly.  


‘You’re getting lazy,’ he said. The computer beeped, Access Granted. If he had the cause of the zombie Apocalypse what file would he save it under? He opened up documents: cell composition, bodily functions, rate of decay, survival. 

It seems the dead have no desire for anything but human flesh. They do not need their hearts to beat and they do not need to breathe. The only thing they need to keep going is their brain to be whole. They are reduced to nothing but pure hunger, they eat but do not excrete. These creatures are impossible and yet they exist.The problem starts in the part of their brain that controls hunger. It becomes stronger taking over all other desires and functions. By rights the victim should then die. But something keeps them alive despite death. Something keeps them animated. The answer is not clear in the cells. They are dead. Perhaps the disease is an organism and keeps the body moving with it’s own supply of blood and oxygen that is not dependent upon it’s hosts. If that is the case then why does it need a host at all? Why does it animate the brain the way it does? 

_After further analysis of the cells it is evident the disease has a life of its own. It feeds of flesh and uses its host to get to flesh, though it is able to use the brain’s motor functions it is not able to re-animate anything other than the hosts desire for food and it’s ability to move. The human is completely dead. Other than the destruction of the brain which inhibits the disease from being able to use the host, there is no known way to kill the virus._

_After different treatments of antibiotics and radiation there is still no change to the virus. It can withstand levels of radiation that would kill a human instantly, no drugs have any effect. It is completely indestructible._

* * *

Sam sat on the balcony of his apartment staring out over the streets of Detroit. There was a couple of zombies stumbling around; he sighed. This was the way the world was now. Even if they cured the zombies the world would never be the same again. The cruelty that had rang out in the crowd’s cheer still made Sam want to lose what little food he had in his stomach. But what was worse was that he understood it. They had lost everything to the zombies. By making them into some sort of entertainment they were gaining some control back of their lives. But Sam had never been one to try and wrestle control through subjugation.  


There was a slight breeze and he knew Lucifer was back from god knows where.  


‘You going to tell me why you appeared all broken and bloody yesterday?’ Sam said. He had been willing to let it go. But he found he wanted something else to think about now, something other than what he had just seen. Lucifer didn’t say anything, only sat down next to him.  


‘There’s only one person who could’ve done that to you,’ Sam said.  


‘Yes my big brother beat me up, but daddy’s not around so I can’t tell on him,’ Lucifer snapped. Sam rolled his eyes, for someone who was thousands of years old he swore Lucifer had the emotional maturity of a jelly bean. Lucifer scoffed.  


‘Why didn’t he kill you?’  


‘Disappointed?’ Lucifer asked. ‘I’m not that easier to kill. I didn’t leave him looking entirely fresh either.’  


‘I thought you were hiding from each other while you sort things out?’  


‘I went to the heavens,’ Lucifer said. ‘I wanted a chat. He didn’t.’  


‘You’re not going to elaborate are you?’ Sam asked. Lucifer shook his head. Sam turned back to the streets in front of him. Lucifer had gone to chat to Michael eh? Count the number of ways that could have gone wrong. But why Lucifer would go risking everything in the first place bothered Sam. He kind of liked having the archangel around and he didn’t want Michael smiting him off the earth.  


‘I’m touched Sammy,’ Lucifer grinned.  


‘I’d have no hot water,’ Sam said quickly. Lucifer’s finger brushed the hair at Sam’s neck.  


‘I don’t know what to do,’ Sam admitted.  


‘I can wipe out the zombies Sam. I told you this from the start. Say the word and they will be gone. You read the journals off the scientist, there is no hope for the humans that are zombies. Their souls are long gone.’  


‘Would the virus be destroyed then?’ Sam asked. ‘Or are we just going to keep killing people as they are zombified.’  


‘Seems to be what you do for vampires, werewolves and shifters,’ Lucifer remarked.  


‘But never on this scale.’  


‘I don’t know Sam, I know that I can kill every zombie in this country. But I would be destroying their brains. I don’t know how to kill the virus itself. But without a host it might starve. It would take me a few weeks to clear the country. But I could do it.’  


A droplet of water landed on Sam followed by another. Sam knew Lucifer could stop this rain if he wanted to. Or perhaps if Sam asked him to. But Sam didn’t. He liked the cold feeling as the rain got faster and stronger. Sam’s hair fell limp against his head but Lucifer’s fingers stayed curled in the strands at Sam’s neck.  


‘You’d do anything I ask?’  


‘Except leave you,’ Lucifer replied. Sam’s head snapped around to face him. He’d expected the usual Except not end humanity for you. Lucifer’s hair was flat and rain ran down his stubble.  


‘Tell me what you were doing in heaven.’  


‘I asked Michael to call it off,’ Lucifer sighed. ‘I told him I didn’t want to play this inevitable game of chess. I was knocking over my king.’  


‘Why?’  


‘I want to end the world Sam. My father cast me out because of humans and they are worthless and I want my revenge against the lot. Against him. But I don’t want to end you.’  


Sam shook his head, ‘I don’t know if I can believe you.’  


‘I know,’ Lucifer said.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not dead, and this chapter is a bit short. I am very sorry. I will **try** to be better.

****

**I charge thee, fling away ambition:  
By that sin fell the angels. (3.2.512) - Henry VIII - William Shakespeare**

Lucifer reclined back on the bed against pillows with a grin that was downright evil. Sam was getting too found of that grin for his liking. Especially now there a seductive glint in his eyes that has never accompanied it before. 

‘Tell me about Lilith,’ Sam asked turning onto his side to face Lucifer. Lucifer's grin vanished and was replaced by a look far more quizzical. 

‘What do you want to know?’ Lucifer asked

‘What was she like, how did you turn her?’ Sam shrugged. 'I did kinda shaft the bitch, it would be nice to know a little about her.' 

‘Story time is it?’ Lucifer mocked. 

‘Yes, I’m curious.’ 

‘Lilith was the one human I didn’t despise. I feel bad sometimes for what happened to her, especially since leaving the pit. But mark my words Sam, I was not the one who truly turned her, I was just the one who pointed her in the right direction.’ 

Sam scoffed. He gave Lucifer a lot of benefit of the doubt, like believing he didn’t mean Sam harm for one. This was a stretch too far. 

‘You trying to tell me she made herself into a demon?’ Sam shook his head. ‘I doubt she would’ve been your final seal if she wasn’t your pet project.’

Lucifer’s smile dropped off his face, ‘Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. I made her into a demon alright, which was actually an accident I might as well state at this point. But I didn’t start it. I wasn’t the one who turned her strength into hatred, I just showed her what to do with it.’

Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to know anymore now. He had a feeling it wasn’t going to end well for his mental health. But hell what else was he going to do? Go back to staring at the pill he found in the Lawyer's flat? 

‘Go on, you know you want to,’ Sam shrugged. Well as much as anyone can shrug when lying on their side. 

‘Lilith was made at the same time as Adam, made from the same earth, the same stardust. Adam was the one I despised, he was a prideful arrogant waste of space. He knew God loved him the most and he paraded round like a strutting peacock.’

‘Bit like you then,’ Sam remarked without thinking. There was a crash of thunder outside, but Lucifer’s expression didn’t change. One of these days he was going to say something and Lucifer was just going to smite him and be done with it.

‘Lilith on the other hand didn’t care all that much about god. She spent her time exploring plants, animals, she wanted to know everything.’

‘I thought that was Eve.’

‘Really? You’ve met Eve so I’m going to ignore that comment. Lilith was wide-eyed with wonder over the earth and God’s creation. I suppose she was what God wanted us angels to be about humans. Anyway, Adam didn’t like her, she was competition for God's affection. He liked fucking her, but that was about it. Adam was God’s pride and joy, but so was Lilith and Adam didn’t like it. He started complaining, to any angel that would listen. Lilith doesn’t love God he’d say, she never tries to talk to him, she doesn’t care about him. She wishes she was an animal, she doesn’t appreciate being human. He’d go on and on and on. God had never stated they had to have sex, so they stopped. She didn’t want to have sex with someone who hated her and he could never find her to force her. She was very adept at finding hiding places. He complained about this to God also. How are we to carry on your great race when she hides herself in your trees?

‘So God caring more about continuing on his art than of how awful Adam was, snapped Lilith back to the centre of the garden of Eden where Adam was waiting for her. God had also heard all these things about Lilith and so was not inclined to listen to her when she asked him to spare her and leave her in the trees. Are you not grateful for all I have given you? He asked her. I love you, I have given you paradise and you can’t even be bothered to love me. So Adam raped her, though that wasn’t the term then, there wasn’t a term for it then, it had never been done before. Angels didn’t know lust, didn’t know violation, didn’t know the despair and grief it would cause the curious Lilith. I told Father to look at what he’d done. To look at how evil and despicable Adam was that he would cause such misery to his companion. But God told me this was one incident, that humans would be wonderful once there were many. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care about Lilith, not like I know you are now. I just saw her as the means to prove my point. 

‘She fell pregnant and gave birth, but she was never the woman she once was, and she never stopped Adam trying to sleep with her anymore. She was dead inside.’ 

‘Why did God argue that humans were good if that was what Adam was like?’ 

‘Because Adam loved God, and God wanted more humans. He knew what the human race would become and so decided a few faults in Adam was okay if that meant a greater race. I didn’t see it. Couldn’t see past the prideful, lustful Adam. But God had heard my complaints one too many times, and he booted me out of heaven. So I prowled the earth with a few angels that fell with me. Samael was one of them. Lilith had had her children by then: Cain and Abel. Though obviously the Bible describes them as Eve’s, but we both know Eve was busy creating other creatures in purgatory at that time. Adam didn’t let Lilith see her children, and told God he needed to make sure they were educated in the way of the light and not influenced by Lilith. Once again none of the angels knew quite what these things really meant, and so Lilith’s despair continued to grow while every heavenly creature bowed down to Adam and their sons. Lilith found Samael, they fell in love and left the garden of Eden to be together, she became pregnant again and so the first nephilim was born. God found out and was furious, angels and humans were not supposed to mix and certainly not fallen angels. This messed with his grand design. Which I guess is the problem with free will and all. Anyway he sent Michael to smite Sameal which he did and the baby girl was killed also. Abel was not the first death in the world, Lilith’s little nephilim was.’ 

‘You’re kidding me,' Sam shock his head. He thought about Castiel talking lovingly about God, searching all over the earth for him. 'That's not who God is.’ 

‘It’s not the God you know, this was a God desperate for his creation to work. He couldn’t have this half race appear that might have been superior in some way to his humans. He was wrathful in the beginning because he was determined to make you all work. He changed in those moments. Though Father is omniscient so who knows what was going through his head. Maybe he needed Lilith to go through these agonies to make me turn her so that I could be banished and humans could renounce me at baptisms and swear allegiance to him. I don’t know, especially not now he has vanished. When Adam had raped her and forbidden her from seeing Cain and Abel it filled her with despair. I think in someway, she thought she deserved it, I think she did love God then, in her own way, and wanted to please him. She believed she failed him by not being like Adam, by not wanting him. But the smiting of Sameal and her baby girl, there was nothing to excuse that in her mind and she was filled with hate for God. That was all I needed. I whispered in her ear as a snake, she would not talk to me as an angel at that point. Told her of how God had caused all her misery, that he created her just to abuse her. I told her if it wasn’t for God, if it wasn’t for Adam, she would be happy with Sameal and her baby. I showed her visions of her future where she was in his arms and their baby crawled around their feet doing that gurgling giggling thing babies do. I was cruel and I was relentless. I showed everything that could have been so she knew precisely what she had lost. She kept getting angrier and vengeful. It made her beautiful, a creature of pure anger. So she begged me to make her powerful enough to kill Adam. I did. Though, what I didn’t realise was that giving her the powers in a deal, to a being of pure anger, would create a new race. Demons. I didn’t know what it meant and neither did she. She just went straight to kill Adam. I should’ve let Lilith have her vengeance, but I was too smug. I went straight to God. Look, I said, look at your creations. Adam has wronged Lilith so much she is willing to kill him, your creation. I thought he would see the evil in them, the evil in Adam that had driven Lilith to such anger. I never really said Lilith was evil cause she wasn’t then, she was just the result of someone else’s evil, but God saw her as the demon. She was the evil entity and before she had a chance to kill Adam he banished her to hell and sent Michael to deal with me.’ 

‘The Lilith I knew was pure evil, you told me, there is no such thing as a good demon, they are changed all by committing evil,’ Sam argued.

‘That is true, all except for the one that was created by me. Every other demon has turned themselves into a demon. Lilith was pure evil when you met her. She’s had millenia of perfecting her evil, and there was a lot of it. She experienced her fair share of torment in the pit and her anger for God only grew, so did her hatred of humans. Her first human family ignored her, and her second was killed in front of her. There was very good reason why she targeted families when in vessels and why she likes sex to consummate her deals.’

Sam should’ve known better than to have asked the question. Everytime he found out more about God and heaven, the less he liked, and what was with Michael anyway, always running off to do what God said, couldn’t he think for himself? 

‘I’ve been asking myself that for eternity,’ Lucifer agreed with a smirk. Sam grinned back before sighing and leaning back in his chair. He wasn’t really all that surprised by the story, he was a little unnerved by God’s lack of compassion. He was supposed to be a loving God, a forgiving God.

‘He was all of those things,’ Lucifer said. ‘He just isn’t a very understanding God. He never stopped loving Lilith, he just didn’t know what he was doing to her. Or perhaps he did and like I said, needed her to be a demon so that all this could happen. I never really know with Father, he isn’t one for explaining his plans unless a handy prophet is around.’ 

Sam should’ve known Lucifer wouldn’t have been the only one to get screwed over by the grand design, but he didn’t think the other one would be Lilith. He hated that bitch, he’d killed that bitch. Stabbed her and broke the seal bringing Lucifer out of his cage. 

‘Don’t feel bad for having killed her Sammy, don’t forget all the people she murdered in her child vessel. She was wronged, but she was evil in the end. There was no saving her.’ 

‘Is there saving you?’ Sam asked.

Lucifer turned to him, his eyes widening slightly in confusion.

‘Can you be saved?’ Sam asked again. 

‘I don’t know,’ Lucifer replied. ‘Can I?’


	11. Chapter 11

 

**Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company - Mark Twain**

‘It’s a parasite,’ Sam said. ‘But if it’s a parasite how did that guy get it!’

Sam yanked on his hair, as he tried to get his brain to work. He just didn’t understand it.

‘Don’t do that, I like your hair,’ Lucifer remarked.

‘I would like helpful Lucifer please,’ Sam said.

‘Such a creature does not exist, should I go look for your missing brother again, would that stop you pulling on your hair?’  
Sam had the word yes on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it down like a sugar cube. He didn’t really want Lucifer to go anywhere, and if he hadn’t found them now was he evergoing to?

‘I’m flattered you want me to stay,’ Lucifer said with his grin.

‘We need to talk about boundaries,’ Sam said. ‘If this is a thing then you need to give my head some privacy.’ Lucifer had his pondering face on, and Sam was unsure when he’d begun to tell Lucifer’s facial expressions apart despite the fact Lucifer’s face barely moved. He wondered whether it was because Lucifer didn’t really know how to use a face; he hadn’t exactly had one that long. The tiny tics and nuances that humans did with their faces had developed over informative years of watching adults and other children. Babies were sponges of cultural knowledge, absorbing the actions and mannerisms of how to be human. Lucifer had never had that childhood development.

Lucifer’s brow furrowed, ‘better?’

Sam smiled, ‘I was just thinking, you don’t actually have to start making your face more human.’

‘What did you mean if this is a thing?’ Lucifer asked instead, he sat next to him on sofa. ‘What is this?’

‘This,’ he gestured between the two of them. ‘Us, what we do together when the lights aren’t on. If we continue to do this, then it’s a thing. A…’  
Sam shut off everything, his words, his brain and started singing the lyrics to a Kansas song. He also turned his head away from Lucifer and stared at the diet pills he’d thrown across the table.

‘Sam,’ Lucifer said slowly. ‘Did you mean to say a relationship?’

Sam winced, yes he had done, ‘I know you don’t-’

‘I do understand. Sort of, in so far as I have witnessed them and how they work and the inevitable evil that it begets when it goes wrong.’

‘Forget it,’ Sam said. ‘What’s the point. The world’s gone to shit anyway.’ He wanted to back-pedal as fast as he could out of the conversation he had started. If he kept his gaze away from Lucifer then perhaps the world didn’t have to swallow him whole.

‘Sam-’

‘That’s it!’ Sam interrupted. He picked up the pills in his hand, ‘It’s in the pills.’

‘What?’

‘The parasite is in these little pills. They must’ve thought the diet pills would stop a person being hungry, but the opposite happened and it made them ravenous instead. Can you do some sensing and see if these pills have any organisms in them.’

Lucifer picked up one of the pills in his thumb and forefinger and brought it close to his eyes.

‘There’s something,’ Lucifer said, ‘but it could be anything, normal bacteria.’

‘Could you remove the virus from me again?’ Sam asked.  
‘Yes,’ Lucifer said. ‘Why?’

Sam threw about three pills in his mouth and swallowed them down with a mouthful of a cold coffee that had been sitting for an hour on the table. Lucifer’s eyes widened and he turned Sam to face him, holding on to his shoulders.

‘Can you sense it?’ Sam asked Lucifer. ‘Has anything happened to me?’

Lucifer placed two fingers to Sam’s temple in a similar way to how he’d seen Castiel heal people. Lucifer’s eyes closed and Sam felt a gust of air in his head, like someone had opened a door into his mind. There was sharp stabbing feelings like the repetitive pulse of a needle pushing into his brain. He swallowed, the feeling just about bearable, but with a strong urge to vomit everywhere. Aside from the pain Lucifer was a silent presence in his mind, he wouldn’t have known the archangel was playing around inside.

_Sam calm your mind. I’m not going to hurt you._ The voice echoed in his head as if he had thought them but with the Archangel’s voice.

_I was mistaken. This is going to hurt._

It was like an explosion went off inside of Sam’s head: the flash of light and the loud bang. He screamed.

* * *

There was something rough stroking his cheek. Fingertips.

‘What did you do?’ Sam croaked, but without opening his eyes. He felt like he’d gone on the worst bender of his life, he doubted even Dean had ever felt this hungover.

‘I’m sorry,’ Lucifer said. ‘There was no other way to kill it.’

‘So that was it? It was those pills?’

‘You were right,’ Lucifer said, ‘But I don’t see how that helps us.’

‘You killed the virus, not me, you can kill it.’

‘Yes I can kill it, but all those people will still be dead.’

‘Yes but no one else would get infected. You could eradicate the virus.’

Sam dared to open his eyes then, Lucifer was staring at Sam. Lucifer moved a strand of Sam’s hair behind his ear.

‘I can’t,’ Lucifer said, ‘I am not powerful enough to do it on such a wide scale. I could kill the humans, but only the humans. I would have to go into each of the bodies like I did with you and kill it that way. Sense where else it resided on the planet and kill it there too. It would take me decades and by then the virus could’ve infected more humans.’

Sam frowned at Lucifer’s confession.

‘I can do that…’ Lucifer said. Sam shook his head he didn’t want Lucifer spending forever killing humans. Though perhaps Lucifer wouldn’t mind that. He would be getting his apocalypse.

‘It’s less fun when they’re already dead,’ Lucifer mumbled. He looked away.

‘There’s something you’re not telling me’

‘No there isn’t,’ Lucifer said. ‘Nothing you don’t already know.’

Sam sat up in the bed and ran his hand through his hair. His mouth tasted like a werewolf had up and died in it.

‘You’ve given me the world’s worst handover and now you’re giving me riddles. I thought you were done hating me.’

Lucifer smirked, ‘I never hated you Sam. I am not powerful enough in this form.’

‘But you could do it using me,’ Sam finished for him. Lucifer nodded. Sam let his head fall back against the headboard.

‘Why didn’t you just say that?’

‘Because you’d think it was another attempt for me to get you to say yes and I didn’t want that discussion again.’

This was another one of those times where Sam really wanted to be able to read Lucifer’s mind. Mostly because it was hurting his head trying to figure him out the normal way. So Lucifer could save the world, but only from possessing Sam. A few months ago Sam would’ve scoffed at that and thought it was an elaborate attempt to gain Sam’s body. He wasn’t sure he believed that anymore, after all they’d been through and shared together it was impossible to imagine that Lucifer would try that now. Yet something squirmed at the back of Sam’s mind. What if it had all been a lie. Sure, if he took everything as truth up until now then it was impossible for Lucifer to betray him like that. But what if this Lucifer was a fabrication, what if everything that had been said up until this moment was a lie and Lucifer was laughing at him for having bought the archangel falling for his vessel trick.  
Sam was about to say something to Lucifer when he noticed Lucifer had already gone.

* * *

 

 

Lucifer didn’t come back the rest of that day or the day after that or the following week. Sam had taken to pacing the flat and stamping on diet pills. He’d cleaned and ordered all his weapons and ammunition, he’d also reorganised the flat according to feng shui and started reading the Art of War. Sam’s stomach was in a constant state of queasiness and he kept recalling the conversation that led to his abandonment. Which had not been a conversation at all and had merely been his thoughts and therefore it was entirely unfair that Lucifer had taken them to heart. Could he really blame Sam for doubting him? A millennia of being the ruler of hell and wanting to wipe out mankind should’ve given Lucifer enough reason to realise Sam had right to doubt him.

He lay awake at night staring at the ceiling and the clock watching as the minutes ticked away past three, past four. Nothing different except there was nothing to his side, only empty space that felt cold and unnatural no matter how many ways he wrapped the blanket around himself. He tossed and turned, but it was no good.

Two weeks and still nothing. The air moved behind him, he spun on the spot.

‘Luci- Cas?’

Castiel stood in the middle of the penthouse with his hands in his pocket. Castiel was looking a lot better than the last time Sam had seen him. He looked a lot less crazy for one, and he even had his usual trench coat and tie combo back. Sam rushed at Cas and threw his arms around him. Cas smelt of strange whiskey and rain. Cas’ arms were slow to move around Sam but they did eventually.

‘I’m so glad you’re okay,’ Sam said as he pushed out of the hug but held on to Cas’ shoulders. ‘Is Dean?’

‘Dean is fine,’ Castiel said. ‘He wanted to come too, but I thought I should come alone just to make sure everything was… alright.’

‘How did you know I was here, we’ve been looking for you for ages.’

‘Meg,’ he said. ‘Someone told her your location and said she had to call me.’

‘Someone?’

‘She didn’t say who,’ Cas said, but the look in his eyes made it clear Castiel knew exactly who had told Meg where to find Sam. ‘You thought I was Lucifer?’

‘Yeah he’s been around since the start of this whole thing.’

Castiel nodded, ‘we’ve been in Scotland.’

‘Scotland?’

‘It’s where Michael dumped us,’ Castiel grumbled. ‘We watch the news, drink whisky and argue with Michael.’

‘That’s not that different from me accept I’ve had a lot of killing zombies to contend with. Which breaks up the boredom. Do you know where Lucifer is now?’

Castle frowned, ‘No I don’t.’

Sam chewed the inside of his cheek. He didn’t want Castiel to know how close him and Lucifer had become and he was worried his face was giving the whole game way.

‘I still can’t believe the rest of the world is okay,’ Sam said. ‘It’s so hard to imagine.’

‘I will take you to Dean,’ Cas said. ‘Michael is too concerned with the state of heaven to be of any issue to your right now. It will give you time to sort out how to deal with him and Lucifer.’

‘I’m not going with you,’ Sam said. The words had fallen out before Sam had realised he’d intended to say them. ‘Look I have a chance to do something about this.’

‘What do you mean?’ he said with a tilt of his head that made him wonder where Lucifer was hiding.

‘I have a plan to get rid of the zombies and the virus.’ Okay so Sam didn’t have a plan, Lucifer did, or ay least Lucifer had offered one. He didn’t think Castiel would see it with the same amount of enthusiasm. ‘I need to stay here. Tell Dean that I’m fine.’

‘Dean’s going to blame me for going back without you,’ Castiel mumbled. ‘Like everything else.’  
Sam looked at the black bags under Castiel’s eyes and decided to pull the angel into another hug.

‘Cas I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry we tried to kill you. I’m sorry we overreacted about what you did. I know why you did it and thank you for rescuing me from the pit. Thank you for trying to save the world without dragging Dean into it again. I’m sorry it went wrong, but most of all I’m sorry we didn’t listen to you. Deans means this too. He won’t ever say it, but I promise you he feels it.’ It felt like hugging a cold statue but Castiel softened against him. He thought for a minute he might’ve been crying, but then he was gone and Sam’s arms were hugging empty air.

Sam closed his eyes and thought as loud as he could.  
 _Okay Lucifer here’s me praying to you. I don’t know if this will get through to you you’re an archangel so praying should work right? Maybe if I just called your name? I was never that good at praying. I want you to listen to me. Don’t just rush back. Listen. I’m sorry I doubted you. But you have to understand why. I’ve been betrayed a lot by people. Including myself. I can’t just erase that part of my past. I have to doubt you. Because if I don’t. If I make a mistake again with you it would be the end of me of my existence. But I want to trust you, the you that’s kept me company all these months. A fallen archangel who might hate humans but who is infinite and sad by such impossible betrayals committed against him. Lucifer you are full of awe and if you are who I think you are then I would trust you with everything that I am. But I don’t know if I can trust myself. So prove it to me. Prove to me that we can be trusted, allow me into your head, allow me the freedom you’ve had with me, and I will say yes to you. Trust me with who you are and I will trust you with my soul….. Erm….okay….that’s it. Bye._  
Sam unscrunched his eyes. He just called the devil out, called his bluff. Sam had the urge to run away just in case Lucifer did return, which was the opposite to what he should or did want. Instead he went to the roof of the building.

He couldn’t see much of anything when he stepped out onto the roof only vague corners of buildings highlighted by the light of the moon. He was instantly soaked with the pouring rain. He shivered but stepped out further across the roof. He tried to remember what it would’ve looked like before the zombies. The lights of all the condos would be glistening like stars. They’d reflect in the puddles and raindrops and the city would seem vast. Could they ever go back?

‘I heard you,’ Lucifer said. Sam hadn’t heard him appear the sound of the rain was rushing past his ears. Lucifer’s voice made something warm spread in his chest, a sort of heavy comfort he hadn’t noticed before.

‘Do you think it can ever be the same again?’ He asked Lucifer without turning to look at him.

‘No,’ Lucifer replied. ‘Russia or China will take over as the world’s top super power they may even ruin the world themselves in a nuclear war.’

‘Go back,’ Sam mumbled. ‘Can we go back!’

‘What?’

‘Go back in time,’ Sam spun round to face him. ‘You have the power to go back in time right. Anna did it once and so has Cas.’

‘So you wish me to go back in time and prevent the zombie virus from ever being unleashed. Stop the production of the pills?’

‘Could you do it? Do you…?’

‘Need you and your body? I don’t know. Not to time travel, I can do that in Nick’s body, but the virus is microscopic and that is the problem. Killing something so small without killing other things in the process is difficult work that requires finesse. I would have to go there to find out for certain. It’s the difference between setting off a bomb and being a sniper, the latter requires more control over ones powers.’

Sam nodded he stepped towards Lucifer his feet moving on their own.

‘But Sam,’ Lucifer said. ‘If I do that. The virus will have never existed.’

‘Yes that’s the point,’ Sam said. He was right in front of lucifer now and he put his hands on either side of his shoulders.

‘If the virus never existed, you wouldn’t have been on your own. You wouldn’t have needed me to save your life. You wouldn’t have talked to me and you wouldn’t have tried to understand me. This,’ Lucifer pushed his lips against Sam’s. ‘Would not exist.’  
Sam blinked. Lucifer was right he would lose this.

‘We… you can come back to me and convince me…’

‘Convince you?’ Lucifer said with a raised eyebrow Sam was sure Lucifer had learnt from him. ‘We both now how good I am at convincing you of things. Besides you know you won’t give me a chance. Not with Dean there. Not when you don’t have to.’  
Sam pushed away from Lucifer and walked to the railings.

‘I’m grateful that you aren’t immediately deciding to be rid of me,’ Lucifer said. ‘But it’s what you want. You get everything then. You don’t have to say yes to me and you don’t have have this thing between us that makes you feel all teen angst and guilt.’

‘Won’t you forget too. You’ll forget that you don’t want to end the world.’

‘I do still want to end the world,’ Lucifer corrected. ‘I just won’t. For you.’

‘But you’ll forget that. It’ll go back to the way things were.’

‘Not when I’m the one doing the time changing,’ Lucifer said. ‘I will remember everything.’

Sam wanted to scream.

‘What’s your decision?’ Lucifer asked.

‘You’re leaving it up to me?’ Sam asked. ‘We have to change it. All this horror, all these lives ruined. No matter what I… there’s no choice.’

Sam felt Lucifer slipping away from him. His knuckles were turning white on the railing, ‘I don’t want to forget what I know of you. There has to be something.’  
Lucifer’s hand was on Sam’s shoulder and it forced him to turn and face him. Sam looked at Lucifer. He looked at the stubble on Lucifer’s chin that hurt the skin around his own mouth when they kissed. The ears and neck that Sam had kissed when they had lain together in bed those weeks ago. The body that Sam had slipped his arm around in the night even though Lucifer didn’t need to sleep. He looked at Lucifer’s eyes which appeared human and Other. The eyes that were so vast as if Sam was staring into the centre of the universe. The cold sadness creeping in around the edges like ice on a frosted window. In the past when Sam had looked at those eyes he had felt afraid. Afraid of what the devil would do to him, what he would turn Sam into. But now when he looked into those eyes he wanted delve deeper and shovel into them and find out why.  
Sam grabbed Lucifer’s face and kissed him.

‘I forgot to tell you. I’ve missed you,’ Sam said when he stopped. ‘You’re Lucifer. Figure out a way for me to keep you.’


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been meaning to update this for a while, and got very much sidetracked my life as always. The new season of Supernatural especially made me want to pick this up again. I'm not sure about Lucifer as he is in this season, I find him very entertaining, but it's certainly not the Lucifer that I imagined from looking at Season 5 Lucifer. What does everyone else think?

 

**Our life is made by the death of others. - Leonardo Da Vinci**

 

Lucifer had vanished after they'd had sex. Sam was left lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, thinking about all the things that had been said and also the things that hadn't been said. Could he really not remember all of this? Could he really forget all this about Lucifer that he had come to know?

  
Sam ran his hand through his hair. He had to admit it would be easier for him to forget everything. If he forgot this side of Lucifer, the one that cared for him then he didn't need to worry about his own sanity for finding sympathy for the devil. He didn't need to worry that he was going to make the same mistake all over again where he trusted someone who was just manipulating him. But he couldn't shake the feeling he got when he stared into Lucifer's eyes and saw that vast eternity of sadness. Sam knew he couldn't change that about Lucifer, some betrayals ran too deep. But he wanted to ease the pain. He wanted to show Lucifer what it was to be able to trust someone and have them not betray you.

'Hello Sam,' Cas's voice made him sit up with a start. The quilt fell around his waist and he was very aware he was naked beneath it.

'Knocking would be appreciated Cas,' Sam said. What would have happened if he had appeared when Lucifer and him had been fucking, what would have happened then?

'I'm sorry, Dean insisted. I tried to tell him about the time difference but he didn't care.'

Sam nodded. Castiel looked stressed, his hair was messier than usual and so was his attire. There looked like there were bags under his eyes and his cheeks were drawn in.

'What's wrong with him?' Sam asked.

'He wants you to go back. Now,' Castiel replied and sat himself on the end of Sam's bed.'

Sam tried to forget he was still naked under the sheets.

'We've been through this I'm trying to help here,' Sam replied. 'I have a plan.'

'I told Dean that,' Cas answered with a small smile. 'But he thinks you should share the plan with him.'

'Doesn't he trust me?' Sam asked but he knew the answer to that even as he asked it.

'It's not that he doesn't trust you,' Cas said and it sounded very much like a lie to Sam. 'He's just worried about you. He wants to know you're safe.'

'He knows I'm safe,' Sam said.

'I know, he's worried about Lucifer getting to you. I said you were in Detroit…’

'Oh for fuck’s sake,' Sam growled. 'Lucifer has been here. He appears frequently and talks to me often. There is nothing to fear from him right now or me for that matter. Go back and tell Dean to stop being an idiot and trust me for once in his fucking life.'

Cas just stared at Sam, his eyes wide. It took a few moments before Cas even moved. He was about to say something, but looked like he thought better of it.

'Lucifer's been here?' he settled on eventually.

'That's not important,' Sam said. 'I have a chance to stop what is going on here. That's all Dean needs to know.'

Cas frowned, 'Look Sam, if Lucifer is promising you a way to stop the zombies don't believe him.'

'Were you alive when they fell?' Sam asked instead.

'No,' Cas admitted.

'So all you know of Lucifer is what you've been told?' Sam asked.

'I know he exploded me into thousands of pieces,' Cas said.

'Because you threw a moltov cocktail at his brother,' Sam 'I think I would do the same.'

'It's okay that he tried to kill me?'

'No of course not,' Sam replied. 'That's not what I meant. I meant more I understand why he did it.'

'Sam,' Cas said in that warning tone of his. His eyebrows even fell into the flat line thing they did when he was going to lecture.

'Look all I'm saying is that you have a hell of a lot of hearsay on Lucifer's actual personality and only a few examples of times he's hurt you. In fact if I remember rightly he didn't want to hurt you at all. He liked you.'

'Only because I was rebellious,' Cas muttered. 'Will you at least tell me some of your idea?'

'It might involve going back in time to fix this,' he said. 'We know what caused it and we can go back to stop it.'

'Why might?' Cas asked.

'There's a lot of things it would change Cas,' Sam answered. 'Like you not being as crazy as you were.'

Cas nodded. 'I'll tell Dean you still refused.'

He vanished as quickly as he had arrived. Sam's afterglow had completely left him. What was he going to do? Would it ruin Cas too to go back?

Another rush of wind sounded past his ear. Angels…one in, one out.

'You're back,' Stated before turning on his side to face Lucifer.

'I'm not sure how I feel you having naked conversation with my brother,' Lucifer answered.

Sam smiled, 'it was not by my choice, but it's nice to see even an archangel can get jealous.'

'You're worried about him,' Lucifer stated. 'Because he is more sane now than he was before the apocalypse.'

'It is another thing we might lose if we turn back the clock.'

'He has a deal with Michael,' Lucifer said.

'He what!' Sam snapped. How could he when he had the nerve to have a go at him about making friends with Lucifer.

'I did try to kill him.' Lucifer moved a strand of Sam's hair from his face.

'That's oddly understanding of you.' Lucifer shrugged.

'Michael wants to punish him for letting out the leviathan and killing most of heaven. But right now he is useful by keeping an eye on Dean. As Dean can't be found by any angels unless they know where he is. Cas can keep Dean safe from the apocalypse while Michael attempts to right heaven. It's nothing sordid he isn't betraying anyone. He's just doing what he needs to do to survive. Otherwise Michael might just obliterate him.'

Sam nodded, he liked Lucifer's hands on him.

'So if we go back in time, that deal doesn't exist and Michael will still want to hurt him.'

'I can try and protect him.'

Sam blinked, 'You would do that.'

'As you won't remember this conversation, you only have my word, but yes I will keep the young angel safe for you. As much as I can. If Dean ever says yes to Michael then I will die.

'Have you found a way for this to work yet?'

'Perhaps,' Lucifer said and looked very sad.

'What is it?'

'The same thing as always. If I was to use you as a vessel than perhaps you would also retain the memories as you will also be doing the change. It would be for a short enough time that your soul would not be harmed but it would remember. I think.'

'Oh,' Sam answered and he kind of thought the same thing.

'It would also make eradicating the virus much easier,' Lucifer said.

'Would it not work if I just went with you?' Sam asked.

'I don't think so, when we change history you would become your old self and all your previous memories would become that Sam's, but if you do the change with me, you would stay with me as two Sam's until I left you, in which case you would merge but your soul would remember. I don't know for certain if this would work, but it's the only thing that makes sense.'  
Sam sighed and turned onto his back. So they were back to square one. To say yes or to not say yes.

'You said before you wanted to see inside my mind,' lucifer asked. 'Do you still want to?'  
Sam turned his head. 'Yes.'

'I don't think you'll like what you'll see, but I will do this for you if it will let you see that I mean you no harm anymore.'  
Lucifer leaned over to Sam and placed his fingers on Sam's temples.

'I need you to relax,' he said. 'Let go of you mind.'

Sam tried to let go of everything to let his mind still and be quiet. The force of Lucifer's mind in his was like the force of a bulldoze. Sam lost everything for a moment. Then he could start to pick up pieces, like stars floating in space.

'Look what your humans have done! Look at how angry she is that she's ready to kill Adam!'

'What have you done Lucifer?'

'Michael? Why have you come for me?'

'God has ordered me to come kill you.'

'You're my brother.'

'God has ordered me to do this, you have turned your back on us on him and you will be punished for it.'

‘It doesn't have to be this way.'

'But it does. God has willed it so.'

Millenia of loneliness nothing but evil and darkness for company. The weight of it crushed in Sam's chest till he felt he couldn't breath. Then there was anger rising out of him, choking him. The betrayal a chasm through his soul, he wanted to destroy everything, he wanted to hurt everyone the way he had been hurt. He would show them all. Sam saw himself. He saw himself through Lucifer's eyes there was a faint glow around him, as if he was made of light. He saw that Lucifer was drawn to him. But there was something else, Lucifer respected him. Lucifer would protect him. The anger was swirling all around but it rebounded off Sam. Sam felt himself flung back out of Lucifer's mind.

He lay on his back fighting to control his breath. He'd never experienced anything like it. No wonder Lucifer had warned him. It was so vast and so full of pain. Sam felt a tear fall out of the corner of his eyes.

Lucifer wiped it away with his knuckle, 'Are you crying for me Sam?'

'Yes,' Sam whispered. He could still feel the crushing weight of loneliness on his chest.

'You are not alone Sam,' Lucifer said. 'You have your brother, your father loved you and Castiel loves you, your Bobby loved you, and Jess loved you.

You have never been alone Sam, even when you felt like you were.'

Sam was trying to remind himself of that, attempting to shake off the remains of Lucifer's mind on his soul.

'This is what I felt in the pit,' Sam said.

'Yes, but worse, you had no reprieve of it in the pit, and that's why your mind made up the trauma in order to make up the gaps.'

'You're not alone now either,' Sam said turning back to Lucifer.

'Am I not?'

'No you have me,' Sam said, and he put his hands on either side of Lucifer's face. 'You have me.'

Lucifer placed his forehead against Sam's, 'You have to be impossible.You are my miracle Sam.'

'I say yes,' Sam said. 'If it's what will fix this situation then I trust you and I saw yes. You can use me as your vessel.'

Lucifer blinked at him, 'I didn't think you would ever say yes to me. Even after seeing my mind.'

'It's because I've seen your mind. I know you won't want me to be obliterated. But please don't betray my trust Lucifer. I know you will put me back when you are done, but don't use me to end the world. I know how much you still want your vengeance against Michael and God, I could see that as much as your feelings for me in your mind.'

'I promise,' Lucifer said looking directly at Sam. 'I will not use you to fight Michael, or get any kind of vengeance against god. I will go back in time and stop this mess, and then I will place Castiel under my protection, and then I will leave you and return to this vessel and hope you remember all of this.'

'What will you do if I don't?' Sam asked.

'I don't know,' Lucifer said, 'I don't ever want to be that alone again. But I don't know how to convince the you that has Dean and Cas to look at me.'  
Sam kissed Lucifer, 'If this doesn't work, don't give up on me.'

'Hm?'

'Keep trying to make me remember or to see you as this. Promise me that too.'

'I promise.'

‘Ok then let’s do this,’ Sam said. ‘Yes you can use me as your vessel.’


	13. Chapter 13

**"Lost time is never found again" - Benjamin Franklin**

 

There was salt in the air; Sam could taste it on his tongue. There a chafing of sand between his toes, and a roaring of surf in his ears. 

‘Where are we?’ Sam asked. He wasn’t used to coasts, monsters always seemed to hide in woods and small towns. Dean did once try to make them go after the kraken, but it turned out to be a hoax. Looking down the coast, Sam just saw more sand and sea, no other people, no houses, no animals. 

‘You don’t know?’ Lucifer replied. He was standing alongside him and staring out across the sea. ‘We’re in your mind. Or our mind right now I suppose.’

Sam frowned and walked closer to the sea till the water lapped at his toes. He shivered. 

‘It feels so real,’ Sam whispered. ‘Why is my mind like this?’

‘I made it,’ Lucifer answered. ‘I thought it would make more sense to you then floating in an abyss with non corporeal voices.’

‘So are you inside me now?’

‘Yes, I didn’t want to push your soul underneath mine like last time, but I don’t know how else for my soul to enter other than like a wrecking ball.’ 

‘Are you quoting Miley Cyrus at me in my own brain?’

Lucifer smirked so Sam leant down and splashed him. Lucifer’s eyes widened and then the smirk returned and it started pouring with rain. 

‘That’s cheating,’ Sam sulked now thoroughly soaked. Lucifer stepped closer to Sam and shifted a bit of damp hair out of his eyes. 

‘Every time you pout it makes want to kiss you.’

‘If you kiss me in my mind is that…?'

‘You are over-thinking this way too much,’ Lucifer said and kissed him to prove the point. ‘As I was saying, I’ve crushed you down further than I meant to. So I thought I’d give you the choice. You can stay here in this beach inside your mind, or any other place you want me to create here. Or I can drag you to the surface, you can see, hear, taste what I do, but you won’t have any control, it would allow you to know exactly what I do, but it would be very frustrating for you.’ 

Sam looked back out at the ocean, ‘Would we still be able to communicate like that?’

‘Yes,’ Lucifer said. 

‘I think we should try it then, if it gets too weird for me I can ask you to bury my consciousness later.’ 

Lucifer nodded and put his fingertips to the side of Sam’s temples. 

There was a flash of light and he was standing back in the penthouse, he tried to take a step and it didn’t happen. Panic started to bubble inside of him as he tried to make every limb move and it wouldn’t. He felt like his heart should be racing, but it wasn’t. Everything about his body was calm and still, while his mind whirred. 

_Be calm Sam, he heard Lucifer in his mind. I told you, I have control, you’re not paralysed, you will have your body back soon I promise._

_Are you ready to go back?_ Lucifer asked. Sam tried to nod but when his head remained still he murmured in agreement. Why had he thought being this aware while someone else took over his body would be a good idea. 

_Do you not need blood magic, or full moons? I can’t remember what we need for time travel._

_No I’m an archangel._

_If you can time travel, can’t you go back in time to when this all began and change it?_

_I can’t alter the predetermined biblical destiny set forth by God. Only you and your brothers were able to do that, and that’s the only reason why I can now go back in time and change those damn diet pills._

_My head hurts._

_I know. I’m in it, do us both a favour and stop thinking about it._

There was a buzzing in Sam’s head, followed by a tight sensation like it was in a vice. The compression in his head continued to get stronger, pushing until it suddenly snapped and his head pulsed back to normal. They were still in the penthouse, but so was another man. The man sat haunched over his laptop. There was stubble on the man’s face and a mug of coffee in his hands. He yelled something at the screen and hit the keyboard with his left hand.

_So that’s who actually paid for this place._

_Hm, he looks almost as stressed as you always do._

_Very funny._

_Well now our home has been taken over by it’s rightful owner where should we go? We can forget about this whole plan and go SCUBA diving in the Philippines?_

_Since when do you want to go SCUBA diving?_

_Since my faith in this plan dwindles by the second, Lucifer admitted._

_It will work, it has to. We need to find the diet pills. Can you sense them?_

_You want me to sense for a random unspecified microbe? I’m not the good._

_Well let’s get out of here first, staring at this random guy is making me feel creepy._

Sam, well Lucifer, blinked and he was up on the roof. His stomach felt less twisty than it normally did when they teleported. Lucifer probably had something to do with that. He heard noises of people: cars, shouting and alarms. He tried to run look over the edge, but his body remained still. 

_Go to the edge._

Sam’s body moved slowly over. Sam could feel each of his muscles working, as if he had been the one to give the commands, and yet he knew he hadn’t. He knew that if he willed his body to stop moving right at the moment, it wouldn’t. 

He could see out into the city and it was incredible. He hadn’t seen anything like it in so long. The sheer amount of people was overwhelming. It was just so noisy and full of light. 

No one had any idea of what was coming. Stopping this virus would save all of them and none of them would be any the wiser. And it could ruin Lucifer, and destroy Castiel and what would be left of Sam and Dean after that. 

_But you won’t risk those millions of lives for us tiny numbers._

_I can’t be that selfish. Who’s to say my happiness is worth more than theirs._

_I am. I am an archangel. I get to say your happiness is worth more than theirs._

Sam laughed in his head. 

_How long do we have?_ Sam asked Lucifer. 

_Few days I think, time travel’s not an exact science._

_Maybe there’s some time to fix something for Castiel?_

_Hm?_

_Can you find him?_

_He’s still hidden from me, but I spoke to Meg in the future to find him so maybe she is the key this time. I don’t think present you or Dean would be very forthcoming with his location do you._

Sam didn’t verbally agree with him, but he knew Lucifer was right. Present him would most likely try and kill future him and Lucifer. There is no way he would believe he had willingly let the devil use him as a vessel, and there was even less chance that Dean would believe it. He was pretty sure the present Winchesters would at least try to kill them. 

Lucifer snorted. _They could only try, in your body I am as powerful as I ever can be, they wouldn’t stand a chance._

_We beat you in my body before remember._

_Yes from the inside not the outside._

Lucifer had a point. 

_Well, either way, Meg does seem like the best option, unfortunately._

Sam felt his eyes close and tingling sensation speed from his chest down his arms and body. It felt oddly like pins and needles rushing over his body in waves. He saw a picture in his mind, it was a crowded bar and Meg necking a shot and chatting to the person pouring her another. Sam couldn’t make out what the bottle was. 

He blinked and the noise and smell of the bar rushed over him. The place stank of stale alcohol and sweat. He felt his nose wrinkle, he guessed Lucifer felt the same way about the smell he did. 

They made their way through the crowd, there was far too much black leather and spikes going on and a lot of people in each others faces. Figured this would be a place for a demon to hang out. Meg didn’t look too out of place with her dark jeans and black leather jacket.

‘Meg,’ Lucifer said as he approached her. She turned in her seat and her eyes narrowed on him. 

‘No,’ she said and turned back to her shot. 

‘Meg,’ Lucifer said again. 

‘Piss off Sam, alliances with you only get me closer to dying.’ 

‘What if I told you I am not Sam,’ Lucifer replied. ‘Meg daughter of Azazel sister to Tom. My ever faithful servant.’  
Meg turned so fast towards him Sam thought she’d fall off the chair. It made Sam feel incredibly weird hearing Lucifer sound so much like the devil, even if knew why. 

‘Lucifer?’ she whispered. They reached out and touched her forehand and Sam felt a pulse of energy rock through him and out into Meg. She looked startled and pulled up the black shirt she wore under the leather jacket. There were bloodied bandages underneath, but she pulled them off to reveal perfectly normal skin. No wounds. 

_Nice touch. Sam commented._

_She wasn’t going to believe just any old trick now was she._

‘My Lord,’ Meg said and bowed her head.

_I never get tired of that._

_Typical._

‘The apocalypse,’ she said wistfully. ‘You’re in the Winchester. The things we could do.’ 

‘No,’ Lucifer and placed their hand on her shoulder. 

‘What?’ She looked at them with big brown eyes and suddenly Sam was overcome with sadness for her. Yeah she was evil, but she’d put all her faith into Lucifer being able to bring demons out of hell, which he wasn’t even really going to do, then that failed. She’d put all her energies into destroying Crowley and allying with them only to end up tortured and nearly dead. And now here they were the physical embodiment of all she wanted, the apocalypse, and they were going to pull down her dreams again. 

_Are you saying we should end the world for Meg?_

_No. I’m only thinking that it’s sad. I can have sympathy for her you know._

‘It’s a very long story, but no I am not ending the world just yet, I need to know where Castiel is.’ 

Meg’s face contorted into a myriad of expressions and Sam had no idea what she was thinking or feeling about any of this. 

‘What…why? What will you do to him?’ She asked chewing her lip slightly. This was not the Meg he knew, all the sarcasm and snotty retorts were gone. 

‘It’s okay,’ Lucifer said. ‘I’m not asking you to decide loyalties. I want to help him.’ 

Meg looked taken a back, ‘You do.’ 

‘The rebel angel who tried to rule heaven and destroyed it in the process, of course I do. Michael wants to punish him and 

I can’t let Michael go around getting what he wants now can I’

When Lucifer put it like that Sam was surprised Lucifer hadn’t tried to team up with Cas sooner. 

‘Wh-what will you do to him?’ she said again. 

‘Shield him mostly,’ Lucifer said. ‘I want him well and truly hidden. I think I might try and cure that bit of madness he has going on as well. The best allies are the sane ones.’ 

‘What if he doesn’t want to ally with you my Lord?’

_You know I truly think she cares about Cas._ Sam said.

_Of course she does, she’s completely torn, I don’t think I’m doing a very good job of convincing her that helping me and saving Cas are the same thing._

_No well I wouldn’t believe you either, but I didn’t fanatically worship you for all my life._

_Such a pity._

‘Then I will be happy in the knowledge I have pissed off Michael by shielding him further.’ 

Meg chewed her lip some more, and Sam found it entirely disconcerting. He did not like servant Meg at all, it was weird and unnatural. 

‘I promise you Meg daughter of Azazel, I will not harm Castiel in any shape or form.’ 

She grabbed a napkin from across the bar and wrote the address down. 

‘My lord,’ she said straight at him. ‘Hurt him and I will no longer be your loyal servant.’

‘Understood.’ 

_I’m surprised you didn’t kill her for the insubordination._ Sam stated. 

_On the contrary I like her all the more now. I do kill for insubordination a lot, keeps the masses in check, but I like servants that stick to their guns more._

‘Goodbye Meg,’ he said. 

They were in a new location now, and although the travel felt easier he still wished Lucifer would give him some warning before he moved Sam to an entirely new place. They were standing in a hallway the wallpaper was peeling down and cracks could be seen in the plaster. There was damp in the corners and there was a foisty smell that filled the hall. Just once Sam would like them to teleport to a place that wasn’t an offence to all his senses. Just once. 

_I could take you to Bali?_

_No_ Sam sighed. Though he did try to imagine them lying on the beach under a hut drinking beer. It was such a surreal image that Sam couldn’t help but laugh. No if they went on vacation together they wouldn’t lie on a beach. Maybe they would go visit religious buildings and ancient ruins in far away countries and Lucifer could tell him which gods really existed. He would tell him what was true about mythology and he would scoff at humans for getting everything wrong, and Sam would tell him they did their best with what they had. And then they would walk down city plazas at night and….this was stupid

_Please don’t stop._ Lucifer said and he sounded sad. 

_I will remember._ But even Sam knew he didn’t sound convinced. They stopped at number 34 and Lucifer knocked for them. There was some slight shuffling behind the door before Cas opened it. There was a thick beard and dark circles under his eyes, he looked gaunt and his eyes were bloodshot. How had they let this happen to their friend. 

‘Sam?’ Castle squinted. ‘Have you come to play with me? We could play Sorry, or how about Timeline?’

_Does he know?_ Sam asked.

‘Can I come in Castiel?’ Lucifer asked. Cas didn’t answer but wandered back into the studio apartment. There was an unmade bed at one side of the room and an old TV at the other. They followed him in. 

‘Big brother, want to play cards against humanity?’ Cas asked. 

_He knows,_ Lucifer said. 

_How could he possibly?_

_Left over Leviathan power probably._

‘You know I am Lucifer from the future, that saves a lot of exposition.’

‘Hm which game?’ Cas asks shuffling through a pile of board games in the corner of the room. 

_Lucifer help him._ Sam could feel Lucifer sigh in his mind, but they moved towards the broken angel in the corner. 

‘Little brother,’ Lucifer. ‘For what it’s worth, I am sorry for everything they have done to you.’ 

‘Which they?’ Cas answered and Sam felt a sick.

‘Everyone,’ Lucifer replied. ‘They all betrayed and abandoned you. Let me help you.’ 

Before Cas has a chance to argue Lucifer places his hand on Lucifer’s forehead like he’d done with Meg. This time there wasn’t a pulse of energy, instead he felt a slow buzzing along his skin reaching into Cas. He could feel space in his own mind, like before he had shared it with Lucifer. Sam tried to move his arm, but nothing happened, Lucifer must still be using him as an anchor even if his mind was in Castiel. 

Eventually the buzzing stopped and he felt Lucifer snap back into his mind. There was pain radiating from the base of skull, and his nostril felt wet. It wasn’t all that different a feeling from when he used his magic to exorcise demons. 

_I didn’t think it would take so much, I didn’t realise how much damage… he should be okay._

Castiel lay unconscious amongst the boardgames. 

_He’s shielded from Michael still and I’ve healed his mind and soul, he’ll be able to protect himself for now._

_Dean reckoned Cas was going to willingly take his punishment from Michael,_ Sam answered. 

_That is his choice Sam, but at least now he will be making that choice with a clear head._

_What if he runs off to tell Dean about this? If Castiel has his mind back he’s going to think this was not my doing._

_True, but by then it will be too late for him to do anything. You can leave him a note if you are that worried?_

_Surely you mean you can leave him a note?_

Sam felt himself eyeroll. 

_Let’s just go._

Sam was ready for the transition this time, though he hadn’t realised how dark it had gotten outside. There were a lot of college students walking by them. 

_Look at them all. They’re just sitting ducks for the virus._

_And yet it didn’t start here,_ Lucifer replied.

_Why didn’t it start here?_ Sam said quickly. _You have diet pills to push. Who better to try them then college students._

_But it started with Mr. Franklin, who’s law firm is on the other side of the city._

_They knew what they were doing._ Sam said. _Whoever started this. Started it deliberately._

_Interesting,_ Lucifer commented. 

_Interesting? Is that all you’ve got?_

_We don’t know why this person did what they did. Until we know more, I don’t see why we need to start throwing judgement round._

Sam knew that Dean and him and made the wrong judgement call more than once by rushing it. He also knew his relationship with Lucifer was becoming living proof of that. Yet he still wished Lucifer would see the zombie creator as a bad guy. 

_He’s doing what I would do,_ Lucifer admitted. _It’s hard to condemn people who are doing what you would have done._

_Let’s just go find the lab._

Lucifer didn’t reply but they started moving towards one of the buildings. The students passing them didn’t pay them any notice, though he heard two talking about which electives they were taking. Another two girls were holding hands as they passed. 

It didn’t take them much longer to find the lab, Lucifer was honing in on the zombie virus. There were large boxes piled to the ceiling, so much that it was impossible to see much of anything in the lab. 

_They boxes are full of it,_ Lucifer said. _The Virus._

There was a man in the corner packing up more boxes. 

_Is that him?_

He looked like a normal student, just packing up boxes. 

_Yes, his mind is busy, so full of voices and pain._

_Pain?_

_What? You thought he would end the world because he was happy?_

Sam would have gritted his teeth if he had control over them.

_What should we do with him?_

_If we stop this what will he do?_

Lucifer took a while before he answered. The man had already started on a new box.

_He’s not going to stop. His pain, his plans, his horror, it all runs too deep. He has to change humans into raving cannibals because that’s what he sees them as. He’s bringing about the rapture._

_The rapture? Are you saying that because he’s religious?_

_He is, sort of._

_Sort of?_

_Lucifer sighed. I don’t think you want the whole story. It’s not a pleasant one._

_Give me the notes._

_Religious, physically abusive father, ruthlessly bullied throughout his life. He won’t give up. Lucifer answered.  
If we destroy the virus then he can’t go to prison, there’ll be no evidence._

_This is true._

_We can’t just kill a man as he’s packing boxes._

_You can’t. I have no problem with it._

_Can you poof him into prison or something?_

_One of these days we are going to have to have a sit down talk about my powers and appropriate versus inappropriate uses of them._

_Can you?_

_Later, it will take time to implant memories in all of the guards as to why he was there. For now let’s just destroy this thing._

Sam couldn’t read Lucifer’s mind, but he could feel his body shaking, and his heart racing. 

_What’s wrong?_

_This is it. Once I destroy the virus I’ve changed this history. Your soul will snap back to the soul that’s in this time and merge. So will mine. Everything we experienced will not come to be._

_I want to remember this._

_I know. Are you ready?_

_Lucifer I…I’m sorry._

_What for?_

_Everything. I’m sorry that your father sacrificed you and your brother tried to kill you. I’m sorry you were made to be the enemy for the great plan. I’m sorry that you betrayed yourself in believing their lies about you, and turning yourself into what they wanted. And mostly I’m sorry I never believed you. If I forget all this, then I want you to remember, who you were when you were with me, and remember the person I see you as not the archangel of evil they see you as._

_Sam._

_Do it._

Sam felt the power surge through him as Lucifer aimed his hands towards the boxes. The boxes exploded, showering the room in white powder and debris. Sam’s world went black. 


	14. Chapter 14

**“Time is an illusion.” - Albert Einstein**

Sam felt like he’d been hit by a steamroller. He lay on the ground trying to make sense of why he was suddenly on the floor of the motel room instead of being sat by his laptop. He rolled onto his side so as he got up he could keeps his arms in front of his face. He was ready for the next strike But nothing attacked him, and as far as he could see there was nothing else in the room with him. The walls were the same sad green as when he first got there. There was no drop in temperature, and no smell of sulphur in the air. As he rose to standing, he kept moving his gaze around the room. There was nothing unusual, nothing to suggest a reason for his sudden trip to the floor. He could have fainted he supposed, but he had physically felt something crash into him. It pushed into him and his mind.

There was a rustle of wings and Lucifer stood in front of him. He stepped back into the desk. 

‘Sam?’ 

Sam blinked at him, there was a memory teasing at the edge of his brain, but he couldn’t quite grab a hold. 

‘What do you want?’ Sam asked instead. Lucifer hadn’t bothered him since they released him from the pit, but he knew there was going to be a visit sooner or later. Lucifer didn’t say anything, but his face seemed to harden. He looked at the floor and vanished. 

Sam reached behind himself to grip onto the desk and steady himself. He waited for Lucifer to reappear, attack him, threaten him, anything, but nothing happened. Sam continued to stand there waiting. It was entirely possible the hit before had been Lucifer. It would make sense if it was a spell that didn’t take, and Lucifer was assessing the damage. 

Whatever it was it hadn’t worked, Sam felt relatively normal. Yet yesterday the mere thought of Lucifer had set his heart racing and his skin sweating. He lived in constant fear of finally giving into the devil. Yet today he felt calm. He wasn’t panicked about Lucifer, not even this failed spell attempt had affected him.

There was another rush of sound and Sam readied himself for an attack, but Dean and Castiel stood before him. He had to blink a few times before he could process that they were standing together and that Castiel looked like Cas. There was focus in his eyes that hadn’t been there in too long a time. 

‘Lucifer,’ Dean gritted out through his teeth. 

Sam blinked and looked behind him and then back at him.

‘You just missed him,’ Sam replied.

‘Do not fuck with me, get out of Sam,’ Dean raised the colt to him. Sam wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but he didn’t particularly like the gun pointed at him. 

‘Lucifer is not in me. He was here before in his old vessel, but then left.’ 

‘Cas?’ Dean asked. 

‘I can’t sense my brother. If he is still in Sam he is deep below the surface.’ 

‘I have not said yes to Lucifer. You can’t trust me for a moment can you?’

‘Lucifer visited me yesterday, looking like you,’ Cas said. 

‘I was here yesterday,’ Sam complained and then sat on the edge of the creaky bed. ‘What did Lucifer want with you?’

‘He healed me,’ Castiel said. ‘I don’t know why, or what his end game is, but he, in your body, healed me and then left.’ 

Dean kept the gun pointed at Sam and narrowed his eyes. Sam thought that it was incredibly likely Dean would shoot him if he gave even the tiniest hint that he might be Lucifer somewhere beneath all of this. 

‘How did he look like you?’

‘Same way he looked like the other vessel to me before, he can fashion new bodies out of vessels he’s been in before, Gabriel told him how.’ The statement had come out before he had had time to process what he’d said in his mind. 

‘How do you know that?’ Dean pressed. Cas was also looking at him strangely. 

‘I don’t know,’ Sam said honestly. ‘He must have said something in the pit, or I might have heard it somewhere else.’ 

Dean had that look on his face that said he believed him as much as he could throw him. 

‘So what was the point in that, dressing up as Sam to heal Cas,’ Dean mumbled. ‘What else did he say to you?’ 

‘I can’t remember, it’s all blurry, there was something else going on, but I can’t remember,’ Cas admitted. Sam was at least pleased to see Cas didn’t look like was going to start firing off angel fire anytime soon. 

Dean finally lowered the gun, he kept himself facing Sam as he backed away towards the fridge. He only looked away at the last moment to open it and peer in. 

‘No beer?’ Dean grumbled. 

‘I could go for some bourbon,’ Sam mumbled as he rubbed his temples. Dean shot him a look. 

‘You never drink whisky unless it’s to go all teen angst on us,’ Dean said. 

Sam couldn’t be bothered to be offended by that, he just shrugged. He couldn’t explain to Dean why the taste craving was in his mouth. Dean was right to a point, other than the occasional beer, Sam only drank whisky to obliterate his mind. So why did he want it now? What was special about now? 

‘Well I’m going to go get beer,’ Dean grumbled. ‘Cas watch him.’

Sam rolled his eyes but didn’t argue as Dean stumbled out the door. 

‘Is there something you’re not telling him?’ Sam asked. ‘This doesn’t add up.’

‘No it doesn’t, but I have been truthful in all I have said. However, your theory doesn’t make sense.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Lucifer did not appear to me in a made up version of you. Your soul was there Sam. I dragged it out of the pit and I can sense it. That was Lucifer in your body with you in it.’ 

‘But how?’ Sam sighed. ‘I swear I was here.’

‘Perhaps he has altered your memories of the time,’ Castiel said. ‘I could look, and see if anything has been altered?’ 

‘Like a virus scan for my brain?’ 

That word made Sam pause. Virus. Why did it seem so familiar, like when Lucifer had appeared, a nagging sensation wanting him to remember something.

‘Sure,’ Sam shrugged. ‘Why not.’ 

Castiel reached over and placed his fingertips on Sam’s temple. 

‘Your memories have not been altered…’ Castiel drew off. 

‘But?’

‘Something feels wrong,’ Castiel said. ‘It’s like your soul doesn’t quite fit right in this body.’

‘What? How is that possible?’

‘I don’t know, it’s like it’s older somehow,’ Castiel commented. 

‘My soul feels older?’ Sam questioned. ‘I was knocked on my ass a moment before Lucifer turned up. I couldn’t tell what it was, but I thought he must have tried a spell on me or something. Could that be it? Is he trying to evict soul.’

‘No I don’t think so.’

‘I suppose he needs my soul for the vessel to be in its strongest form,’ Sam said, and Cas once again gave him that odd look. Sam needed to stop coming out with information he wasn’t supposed to know. It was freaking himself out and he really didn’t want Dean to shoot him. 

‘I still don’t see why he’d heal you,’ Sam mumbled. Castiel sat next to Sam on the bed and it creaked at the strain. 

‘I think he apologised to me,’ Castiel said. 

‘What for?’

‘I don’t know,’ Castiel stated but Sam had a sneaky suspicion that he was lying. 

‘I suppose we could just ask him?’ Sam suggested as Dean walked through the door carrying two bags worth of beers. 

‘Sam you may not be Lucifer, but there is no way I am letting you speak to him.’

‘The faith you have in me is astonishing,’ Sam grumbled. 

Dean went about opening two bottles of beer at the bench and shrugged.

‘Lucifer is tricky, he’s good at getting into people’s heads and offering them what they think they want. And Sam if he did get you to say yes then the world is over.’ 

Sam opened his mouth to argue, but immediately closed it. He should’ve argued that he wouldn’t say yes and that Lucifer would get the better of him, but what he had nearly said was Lucifer is not going to end the world. And he didn’t know where that statement had come from in his mind, but he felt it with such absolute certainty that it scared him. He shouldn’t think that, just like he shouldn’t know how Lucifer had his current vessel, or why he needed Sam’s soul in the body. 

‘The spell,’ Sam said turning to Cas, ‘Could it make me like Lucifer?’ 

Cas seemed to ponder that for a moment and taking the beer Dean offered to him, ‘I don’t see my brother taking that path.’ 

‘But it’s possible?’ 

‘You felt it though, and simple liking spells tend to go unnoticed,’ Cas argued. ‘Plus Lucifer prides himself on his ability to convert people. No matter how much he wanted you to say yes I don’t think he would use a spell to do it.’ 

‘He appeared to me as Jess once,’ Sam said quietly. Dean frowned, which of course he would, because Sam had never told him that part. Never opened up about how close he had come to saying yes to the devil. 

‘That’s manipulation, that’s him using his own brain power to pull at your weaknesses, that’s still him and not a spell,’ Cas argued. Sam kind of understood but Dean seemed unconvinced. 

‘Wait do you like Lucifer?’ Dean asked. 

‘No,’ Sam snapped and it felt like a lie on his tongue. ‘It’s just if Lucifer hit me with a spell, that one seemed possible.’ 

‘We also have Michael to worry about,’ Dean piped up. ‘He’s after Cas.’ 

Cas shrugged and took a sip of his beer, ‘He wants to punish me for what happened. I can understand that, he is not wrong.’

‘Yes he is,’ snapped Dean. ‘None of them did a better job at running heaven, in fact if they had their way the apocalypse would’ve happened. 

‘Still I must accept the consequences for the things I have done.’ 

‘No, you have suffered enough.’

* * *

Sam woke up in a cold sweet. His dream has been vivid and unrelenting. He climbed out of the bed and went straight to the tap and a class of cold water. It was another dream about zombies, and another dream where Lucifer had been there. He didn’t understand where these dreams had come from. 

It was light outside and Dean appeared to have already left. He knew he should get dressed and leave, but he didn’t see the point. Tiredness clung to him in spite of the hours he’d slept. The dreams seemed to be taking more energy than being awake. He headed back to the bed and pulled the quilt above his head and breathed in the hot musty air. 

He felt numb and he had since the day Lucifer had appeared. All he could think about was that damn archangel and no matter how much research he threw himself into it all ended up back up at him. It was frustrating and Sam wanted to punch something except he was too tired. Dean kept asking him what was wrong, but he honestly didn’t know. He felt lonely except Dean’s company annoyed him and he felt like he was missing someone but everyone he knew was accounted for. He screamed into the pillow.

He heard Dean come back into the motel room. He was loud and crashed and bashed everything. Sam could take the hint, but he wasn’t going to give Dean the satisfaction. It wasn’t even till Casitel’s entrance that Sam bothered to sit up in the bed. 

Dean glared at Sam, but then he noticed the somewhat stunned look on Cas’s face. 

‘What’s up Cas?’ 

Castiel sat on of the wooden chairs by the window, ‘I went up to heaven.’ 

‘You did what?’ Dean yelled. ‘I told you. You need to stay away from Michael and his dickwad band of angels.’ 

‘Dean, I had to face what I have done.’ 

Sam could’ve sworn he heard Dean growl. 

‘What happened?’ Sam asked. 

‘Lucifer has also been to heaven,’ Castiel said. 

‘I thought he was banished,’ Dean asked.

‘He has his ways,’ Cas replied. ‘He has offered to go back to the pit voluntarily on the condition that Michael leaves myself and you two alone.’ 

Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times before settling on taking a swig of beer and closing the laptop lid. 

‘Let me get this straight. The devil. Our greatest enemy, has offered to take himself off the board if our second greatest enemy leaves us alone. How does this make sense?’

Sam didn’t answer. His heart was racing, he could feel his palms sweating and he couldn’t catch his breath. Cold sweat trickled down the back of his neck. His vision was   
narrowing. 

‘Sam?’ 

‘He’s having a panic attack,’ Cas said simply as Dean ran over and placed a hand on his shoulder.

‘Sammy, breathe,’ Dean said. ‘Come on breathe.’ 

Sam could feels his eyes looking wildly around him. 

‘He can’t,’ he gasped out. 

‘What?’ Dean asked. 

‘Lucifer can’t go back in the cage,’ Sam said. Dean looked strangely at Castiel. Sam just focused on breathing and getting his heart rate back to normal. He was shaking. Where had that come from? His fear of Lucifer had left him days ago, and yet he was filled with sheer terror at the thought of Lucifer going back into the cage. He knew he should hate the devil and yet what he wanted right now was to do everything he could to stop him getting locked away again. There was something very unnerving about how much he didn’t want Lucifer to go back to the pit. Which was ridiculous because it was exactly what he wanted. 

‘It might be from Sam’s time in the pit,’ he heard Cas mumbling to Dean. Sam nodded as an attempt to agree with Cas.

‘I just need a moment,’ he said. Sam got to his feet and sort of stumbled into the bathroom. He turned the cold tap and splashed water on his face. What was wrong with him? Ever since that stupid day in the motel room. That blasted visit. Lucifer had done something to him. He didn’t know what, but it was something and that something needed fixing. Cas had looked repeatedly, but still the only thing he could see or sense was that Sam’s soul was older than it should be. There was only one person who knew what had been done to him. Lucifer.


	15. Chapter 15

****

**There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you - Maya Angelou**

Apparently Sam knew how to contact Lucifer, he didn’t know how he knew, but he did. 

Lucifer.

There was a sound of wings and Sam turned round. Lucifer was sat casually on the lidded toilet seat. He was leaning back as if he’d always been sitting there. There was bruising on Lucifer’s face, and red marks around his neck. Sam’s stomach was churning again, his hands wanted to reach out and touch Lucifer, his body was betraying him. 

‘What do you want Sam?’ Lucifer asked. The only one who could hurt Lucifer was Michael, a fact Sam hadn’t known before. He was getting a migraine. 

‘Somethings never change,’ Lucifer said. 

‘What did you do to me?’ Sam asked. Lucifer smirked and raised his eyebrows. Sam didn’t know what the smirk meant, but it was irritating. 

‘Be more specific Sam,’ Lucifer sighed. ‘What are you actually accusing me of?’  
Sam noticed the bags around Lucifer’s eyes and gaunt look to his cheeks.

There was an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of Sam's stomach that he couldn't shift. He didn't like seeming Lucifer so empty. 

'I'm touched Sam, but do get to your point,' Lucifer said. 

Sam gritted his teeth and reminded himself that he hated the devil, 'That day you appeared here, something hit me before then, was that you?'

'I suppose in a way it was, but it depends on your perspective,' Lucifer replied.

'Don't talk to me in riddles. Since then I know things I shouldn't know, things about you, I feel… differently about you. Did you cast a spell, is there a hex bag that makes me like you enough to say yes.' 

Lucifer was silent for a moment, 'Interesting. I thought you would either remember everything or nothing at all. This soul recollection is unique. What does your pet angel say?'

‘Cas is not our pet. He thinks my soul is older than my body. Why did you heal him?'

'You asked me to,' Lucifer replied. 

Sam leant back against the sink, 'I didn't, why were you in my body when I was here the whole time?' 

'I don't know what I can tell you to change your mind about that Sam, what I know is more complicated then you will believe, and I don't can’t be bothered with the “you’re lying” “no I’m not” routine we do so often.’ 

Lucifer looked like he was about to leave.

'Just tell me.' 

Lucifer sighed and pursed his lips for a moment, 'I visited Castiel in your body yes, but that wasn't you, it was the you from the future.'

'What?' Sam said and held onto the sink for support.

'I would never say yes to you in anytime,' Sam said. It was like he was underwater the threat of the future pulsing against his temples. 

'This time you did because you trusted me,' Lucifer said. It cut through the throbbing in Sam’s head and it sounded a lot like sadness. 

'I wouldn't,' he said again. 

'You did,' Lucifer affirmed. ‘But you had no choice.'

'Why would you come back in time? I don't understand.'

'Fine. You asked me to fight for you if you didn’t remember. So if you must know, there was a college student who invented a zombie virus.' 

Sam's heart sped up at the mention of zombies, could Lucifer possibly know what was going on in his sleep?

'The virus started in Detroit and it wiped out nearly all of America. You managed to hold on. Dean was with Cas at the time and Michael zapped them to another country. I bothered you for a while, asking you to say yes so I could end the world and your misery. Over time though I started helping you...I...enjoyed spending time with you. I told you I wasn't going to end the world anymore. But you wanted to save everything, there was no way to kill the virus and save everyone; the humans were already dead. The only way to save them was to stop it ever happening. We knew there was a chance it would wipe out your memories, when your future soul snapped back into your current body. But you said yes to me so I could use you as a vessel in the hopes that it would allow you to keep your memory of everything. It clearly has not. That is the end of the story. Happy?'

Sam was about to answer when there was a knock on the bathroom door. 

'Sammy you alive in there,' Dean called.

'Yeah I'll be out in a minute,' Sam shouted and the lowered his voice. 'That can't be true,'

'You said it yourself, you know things about me you couldn't know, but your soul remembers. Castiel told you your soul is older than it should be, because it is. It is your future soul mixed with the one you have now.'

'But?'

'Believe me or not it doesn't matter,' Lucifer said. 'What we wanted failed, but at least we saved the world. Isn't that all that matters to you Winchesters.'

'Why go back to the pit?' Sam asked instead.

'Why not? You don't remember me, my brother insists on trying to kill me, I promised you I wouldn't end the world. There is nothing for me to do on earth.'

'I remember the pit,' Sam said. The pain. The torment. 

'My soul can withstand it more than yours,' Lucifer reminded him. 'If Michael holds up his end of the deal then you can live your life in peace from us. And you'll never remember what happened between us.’

Lucifer paused for a moment and looked straight at Sam. There was no smirk or derision on his face, and Sam felt his soul was being stripped bare. ‘You should know that you found sympathy for the devil and that he loved you.' 

Lucifer vanished. Sam's heart raced against his chest. He stumbled out of the bathroom his mind flashing through everything Lucifer had said. As well as everything he hadn't said. He hadn't mentioned using him as a vessel again. Not once. 

Cas was sat on a chair looking out of the window, 

'Dean’s gone for some take out,' Cas said. 

'Cas,' Sam started. 'Could my soul be older because of time travel? Could Lucifer when he was in my body and with my soul visit you at the same time I was here because they were from the future.' 

Castiel frowned in his gaze out of the window and seemed to ponder the thought some more.

'Yes,' Castiel said. 'That makes the most sense actually, I vaguely remember something sensing something like that. My brother didn't feel in the right time.' 

'If they altered their future in anyway they would revert back to their bodies of this time because the future they came from would've never happened.' 

Sam nodded and then went to the fridge for a beer. So the simplest explanation for all of this was that his soul remembered stuff he didn't. But the stuff Lucifer was saying, that they teamed up to rid the world of zombies. Was that really what happened? Did he trust Lucifer in the future? The Lucifer who sacrificed himself for them and healed Cas did seem to be that person, but what if that was all an act. Was this all an elaborate lie and scam to get him to say yes. His thoughts pounded against the inside of his mind. 

'Is there anyway of recovering future memories?' he asked. 'Remember what you experienced in a different timeline.' 

Cas peered out of the window again lost in thought, 'I don't know. I've never considered it before.'

'I think I had become friends with Lucifer in the future, but I don't know how to know for sure.' 

'Dean will not like this,' Castiel admitted.

Sam nodded, ‘No he won't, so we won't tell him, not till we are sure.'

'Sam we may never be sure,' Castiel said. 'Timelines and history, it's hard to get anything right. But, I have a few contacts I might try and ask.'

'Rowena might know a spell?' Sam said.

'Let's not deal with that witch unless we really have to,' Castiel said. 

'Do you think Lucifer could be telling the truth?' Sam asked.

'I don't know. I have only known what was told about him through heaven, in which case no, he will lie cheat and kill everything to destroy god's creation and get revenge. But I know better than anyone the lies heaven can tell about someone to get what it wants. I believe there could be a chance we have misunderstood him'

* * *

Sam woke feeling hungover, though he knew he hadn't drunk the night before. His mouth was dry as a dead hedgehog and his head pounded against his skull. He'd had that dream again, the one involving zombies. This time he'd nearly turned into one and he’d killed himself, he remembered Lucifer being angry with him. Angry that he'd nearly lost Sam. Sam rubbed his temples. 

He threw off the quilt and headed to the fridge for water and painkillers. They had moved on and were now in a small town in Nebraska. There was a vampire colony and they'd managed to off three of them already. They hadn't heard from Lucifer and so far Michael hadn't taken the deal. Sam was more than a little relieved about that, though he kept that feeling to himself. Castiel still hadn't come back to him with any news on how to restore any memories. Sam strained himself everytime he closed his eyes trying as hard as he could to remember more but he just couldn't manage it. It just left him with a headache and frustration. 

He could hear Dean snoring still and it was like a bloody tractor, he noticed it was still dark outside. He pulled on some jeans, a shirt and his coat and headed out. The air stabbed at him as he walked along the street and he breathed out clouds in front of his face. It felt new to be walking the street alone at night, which was crazy considering he had done it all his life. There was a fear hiding underneath his skin. Another memory he couldn’t access. 

There wasn't much noise going on, just a car and a truck every now and again.He felt lonely and empty, and he wondered if the person he was grieving for was in fact a sarcastic archangel with a taste for pop culture. The stones in his chest and the hollow feeling, it was almost like he was heart broken. But he couldn't be could he? Could he be heartbroken for the devil? 

Sam felt like he needed alcohol, but he was trying desperately not to be borderline dependent on the stuff like his brother. If Sam hadn't been so lost in his thoughts he probably would have heard the group approach. As it was they hit him across the back of his head with no resistance. He lost himself to unconsciousness before he had a chance to register what was happening. 

He woke up tied to a chair in what looked like a warehouse of some description, there were boxes piled around the outside and machines filling the space. It was dark, but Sam could make out the figures huddles over in the corner. He wondered why he was alive. His head was hurting more than usual if that was at all possible. The pain radiated from the back of his head and he had to hold back the vomit that was threatening to come out. 

'Winchester,’ the vampire, hissed as she approached. He barely heard her over the noise of his head throbbing. 

'Hi,' Sam said with a weak smile. Her lips pursed. 

'So you’ve been killing off my family?' she said. Sam’s head hurt way too much for this shit. 

'Yeah,’ Sam replied. 'Your family goes round killing off other innocent people.’

'We do that to survive, why do you do it?' she snapped. Sam had heard the argument so many times the words didn’t make sense anymore. Vampires had to kill humans to survive, so they killed humans, but humans had to kill vampires so to stay alive too. If an antelope could kill a lion before they thinned the heard you’d bet they’d do it. 

'To stop you killing people,' he said. 'Less people die once your dead. It's pretty simple maths actually.' 

She slapped him across the face and he tasted blood in his mouth. 'You know I'm not an idiot.' 

'Really?' Sam wiggled slightly in his ropes, getting a feel for how tight or lose they were, feeling for weaknesses. 'Could've fooled me.' 

'I know that as vampires, we are going to struggle against you. And I don't want to break a nail you see. I know a lot more people who want you dead more. And with more power.' 

'Do you now?' he asked. And then he noticed the summoning circle where the other vampires had been huddling. He also knew exactly who they were going to summon. Sam felt strangely unfazed. 

'He's not on your side,' Sam said. 'He doesn't care for lesser beings.' 

'I don't need him to be on my side. I just need him to not be on your side.' 

Sam considered pointing out to her that at this moment in time who knew what side anyone was on anymore. But he just couldn't be bothered. she was going to do this shit regardless and his head was still pounding like a jackhammer. 

They started chanting, and a man appeared in the circle. Sam knew straight away it was Michael; he'd been wrong about the circle. He snapped his fingers and the vampires disintegrated. Sam did his best not to gulp and to hide how much he wanted to pee his pants. There was something very cold about Michael. Cold in a way Castiel and Lucifer had never managed. Even Anna had never been this cold. This was Uriel levels of cold and detached if not more. 

He stood there staring at Sam and the air around him filled with static and ice. 

'I thought the circle was for Lucifer,' Sam said stupidly. 

Michael scoffed moving toward Sam, 'Of course you would want to see him. You can constantly prattle as much as you want about how much you don't want to accept Lucifer but it's in your destiny.'

Sam decided right there and then that he hated Michael. The archangel walked over to him. It was funny, they claimed Sam was always destined to be Lucifer's vessel and Dean for Michael. He was the younger rebellious brother versus the loyal and dedicated older brother, and yet in this moment he couldn't see even the tiniest resemblance between Michael and Dean. 

'Just like it is yours to kill Lucifer,' Sam said.

'Exactly,' Michael said without expression. 

'But he's your brother,' Sam said. 'He's your little brother, and you're going to kill him.'

'He set his own path when he turned his back on our father.' 

'Your father has turned his back on you. He is nowhere to be found, and no father asks one brother to kill another.' 

Michael's hand was on Sam’s neck and he pushed him to floor still tied to the chair. Sam’s head hit off the concrete and his vision exploded into little black dots.

'Do not insult God,' he hissed. 'You that became an abomination despite his love’ 

Michael was so close that Sam could feel his breath on his cheek. 

'It's not love when he designs you to walk away from him. When he sacrifices you for everyone else. That's not love.' Sam wasn't sure whether he was talking about himself or Lucifer anymore. But Sam was done feeling like he was personally to blame for being Lucifer's one true vessel. No matter what he had done in his life they had all bloody decided that on their own. 

'You are just the same as he is,' Michael scoffed. 

'Don't you love him?' Sam asked. He would've never asked these questions a month ago, he knew this was his unknown soul fighting for Lucifer. But as he asked the questions he found he did want to know the answers. Why had Michael turned his back on his brother, it wasn't to protect the human race, their true fight would take so much power it would annihilate the world. And since being let out from the pit he did nothing but fix heaven. He didn't care about anyone on earth, so why bother? 

'You understand nothing,' Michael mocked. Sam kept forgetting that archangels could read minds, and it was getting old. 'It is what god wanted, it is his design, and his knowledge is without rebuke or contestation.' 

'That's how dictators are made,' Michael slammed his fist next to Sam's head and the ground was caved in where the punch had made contact. He wasn't all that sure how Lucifer still had a face if he got hit with that punch.

'You seem confused Sam,' Michael said. 'There's a conflict with your soul and your mind.' 

'Yeah, apparently my soul's been time travelling without me, not that I can remember it.’ 

'Yes,' Michael said. 'Your soul has, I can sense it. It doesn't fit right. Not that it matters. I'm not going to kill you today Sam. I still need you to say yes to my brother.' 

'That won't make Dean say yes to you,' Sam mocked. 

'Of course it will, Dean will do anything to save the world, except sacrifice you. Once you've succumb to my brother yours will have nothing to stop him doing everything to destroy Lucifer.' 

'But if the world ends whether he says yes to you or not, he will keep his mind in tact and not succumb to you.'

Michael shook his head, 'Why do you fight so much against destiny? Is this the world you wanted to fight for? A crazy angel who took a hold of purgatory and let out Leviathan? Did you want the world where Bobby dies? Is this everything you fought for?' 

Sam bit his lip, because in a way Michael was right but he was also incredibly wrong. 

'You have no idea what free will even is. I thought your Daddy was big on that. Not this do what your told and forget your own mind shit. That's for suckers.' 

‘And you have no idea how God’s mind works,' Michael.

'Neither do you,' Sam said and this time Michael grabbed his throat and through him across the room. The chair shattered against the wall and his back and he fell on the floor. Pain radiated everywhere this time. 

‘You know, I think I should teach you a lesson about respect.’


	16. Chapter 16

  
**Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth - Buddha**

 

'Brother.’ 

Sam felt a chill race down his spine. He didn't need to look to know Lucifer was now in the room. In fact Sam wasn't sure he could open an eye even if he wanted to. His entire body ached and throbbed. 

'Lucifer,' Michael commented. 'Back for another beating.' Sam gritted his teeth, it bothered him to think of Michael hurting Lucifer and he still couldn’t place why. 

'You’re not in angel form right now,' Lucifer answered. 'I think I have a bit of a chance.' 

'You never have a chance against me,' Michael replied. 'Your vessel needs to learn a bit of respect.' Because of course Sam was Lucifer’s vessel and not in fact a person in his own right. Angels were all the bloody same. Except Cas.

'So I heard,' Lucifer said. 'But as he is my vessel. I would kindly ask you to leave him the hell alone.' There was a viciousness to Lucifer's comment that scared Sam, even if it was in defence of him. He didn't think the devil could care so much about. 

'And that is the deal,' Lucifer continued. 'I will only go back to the pit if you leave him alone.' 

'The deal is that we fight Lucifer, you know this,' Michael said.

Sam finally opened his eyes and rolled onto his side to get a better look at what was happening. They were opposite ends of the warehouse. He almost felt sorry for the remains of the vampires who had called this home before they had been stupid enough to call in archangels. 

'I am not going to fight you Michael,' Lucifer said. 'I don't want to follow God's plan for me. I don't want Sam to say yes to me. I'm not going to possess him, this vessel I've created for myself does just fine. You will not get your fight.' 

Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing. Is was one thing for Lucifer to say all this in his bathroom, where there was a chance he was lying and tricking him to trust him. But this was him standing in front of his brother and telling him he didn't want to fight. 

'Walk away from this Michael,' Lucifer said. 'We can still be brothers.' And Sam recognised the pain in Lucifer's voice. The loneliness. He knew what it was like to lose his brother, and constantly get him back only to lose him again. He slowly got to his feet. He considered sneaking out the back but Michael turned and held out his hand. Sam was frozen to the spot. 

'You will say yes to Lucifer,' Micheal snapped. Sam couldn't breathe something was holding his lungs in a vice like grip, and he started feeling a hot liquid bubbling up in his throat. 

'Fuck you Michael.' Lucifer rammed into Michael causing him to lose grip on Sam. 

Sam could gasp for breath again, but his throat was still thick. He looked to see Michael trying to get his control back on Sam while Lucifer kept him occupied. 

Get out of here Sam. He heard Lucifer snap in his mind. Please I don't know if I can fight him properly in this vessel. His has a soul. 

Sam headed for the exit, but he turned before he left. Lucifer hurled Michael against the far wall.

‘Go!’ Lucifer yelled. And it was surreal for Lucifer to be yelling anything, but he turned and ran, just as he saw Michael remove his blade. Sam's heart dropped somewhere into the pit of his stomach as he kept running. Could he really leave Lucifer behind? His body throbbed with Michael's attack, and there was sharp pain with every breath he took. He would be no use to Lucifer in this fight and yet. He wanted to return. He wanted to make sure that Lucifer was okay. What was wrong with him? 

Sam couldn't run anymore, the pain in his ribs was getting too much. His vision was narrowing and he stumbled and fell to his knees. His vision tunnelled and his last thought was that he hoped Lucifer would live.

* * *

He woke still on the sidewalk with his phone ringing in his pocket and pain radiating all around him. It took a moment for him to adjust to the sheer amount of pain before he answered his phone. 

'Hello,’ he groaned. 

'Sam where the fuck are you?' Dean yelled down the phone. Sam pulled it away from his ear. 

‘On the sidewalk somewhere.' 

'Somewhere? Try being a bit more specific,' Dean snapped and in the background he heard Cas telling Dean that yelling wouldn't help. Sam pushed himself to sitting and grimaced. 

'I don't know. There were the vampires and then a warehouse and Michael and then Lucif...'Sam stopped as the memories of last night flickered in his mind. 

'What about Lucifer? Sam look around you, where are you?’ 

'I'm fine Dean, I’ll give you a call when I work out where I am.' Sam hung up.

Sam started backtracking his running from last night. He had to find that warehouse. If he could find it then maybe he could see what had happened. Sam tried not to think too much as to why he was running to see if Lucifer was okay, but that was what he was doing. 

'Lucifer?' he called as he got into the building. There was no answer and no one was there. Everything in it was destroyed. All the boxes and machines were left in ruins and one of the walls was completely gone. It was unnerving to see how much damage those two had done. He could easily understand how, if they truly went at it, the world would bare the price.

'Lucifer.' 

'Sam?' he could hear the voice over in the corner beneath some of the rubble. He ran over. Lucifer was lying in amongst the debris. The rocks and metal were soaked in blood from what looked like a stab wound in Lucifer’s arm. 

'Michael left after I stabbed him in the leg,' Lucifer said with a grin. 'I had no where else to go so I stayed here.' 

Sam frowned, Lucifer looked mostly whole except the blood and the stab wound. 

'Was that an archangel's blade?' Sam asked.

'Yes though it wasn't his own,' Lucifer said. 'He has a sword normally, but I suspect he didn't think he would need it last night.'

'I thought they could kill you,' Sam said.

'Potentially, but he would need to stab me in more than arm for that,' Lucifer scoffed but didn't move from where he was lying. 

'I don't understand,' Sam said. 'Why did you fight him for me, why did I want to come back and make sure you were okay. There has to be a way for me to remember.’ 

'Sammy,' Lucifer raised his wound free arm and moved a bit of Sam's hair from his eyes. 'You're hair was longer when we were together. I don't know if you will ever get those memories back.' 

'Can you look and try?' Sam asked, completely at his last straw. Lucifer nodded and used that same hand on Sam's temple. Sam felt Lucifer's presence in his mind more than he'd felt Cas's and he wondered if that was his power that he was seeing. 

'It doesn't fit, but I don't know how to make it,’ Lucifer said. 'How about if I show you my memories? Or would that still be doubtable.' 

Sam wasn't sure, Lucifer could potentially show him anything. 

‘You have seen my mind before,’ Lucifer said. ‘I think your soul might recognise it as truth, or maybe it will kick start your memory.’ 

Sam nodded. Lucifer pushed himself up to sitting. He placed his fingers back on Sam’s temple. As Sam saw the rundown flat, then the penthouse, he felt the waves of familiarity. Lucifer remembered them having an argument and saw them taking lying next to each other in the bed. Lucifer let go of Sam’s temples, but the memories kept flooding in. The zombies, the nearly dying, the investigation, the arguments about humanity, and the sex. 

Then after the memories came the feelings, not just the inclinations of grief and sadness and care for Lucifer. But all the emotions he’d experienced, the loneliness away from Dean, the desperation, turning to Lucifer because he’d needed someone. The feeling of eternity and sadness in Lucifer’s mind. 

‘Sam?

Sam looked at Lucifer for a moment overwhelmed by the hit of emotions. Sam could feel the tears in his eyes, but he didn’t care, he threw his arms around Lucifer.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. Lucifer’s arms wrapped around Sam.

‘You remember,’ Lucifer said quietly. Sam pulled away from the hug enough to kiss Lucifer, rough and hard. The final thought came to him, that he’d said yes to Lucifer, and the world hadn’t ended. Sam had put his trust in Lucifer and he was right. 

‘You’re an idiot,’ Sam snapped breaking the kiss. ‘Why did you try to put yourself back in the pit?’ 

‘I was trying to save you,’ Lucifer answered dryly. 

‘Losing you would destroy me,’ Sam said. 

‘You seemed to be doing just fine,’ Lucifer answered.

‘I was going out of my mind, I felt devastated, but I didn’t know why, I was lonely and couldn’t figure out was was happening. Don’t sacrifice yourself again.’ 

‘Only if you kiss me again,’ Lucifer smirked. Sam was more than happy to oblige that. He kissed Lucifer this time his hands were on Lucifer’s face feeling the stubble beneath his hands. 

'What the fuck?' Dean’s voice called out into the room. 

Sam swore against Lucifer's lips. 

'Hi Dean, little brother,' Lucifer said pushing himself slowly to standing. Sam followed suit and tried not to freak out by the amount of blood pooled on the floor or the blood that was still dripping down from Lucifer's arm. He was an archangel he would be fine, he had to be. 

‘So your theory was right then,' Castiel said. Dean glared at him before glaring back at Sam with his gun pointed at Lucifer. 

'What the hell is going on,' Dean said. 

'I think I will leave you to discuss this. Seems like a family matter,' Lucifer announced before vanishing. 

'Coward,' Sam mumbled. Dean didn't lower the gun now that Lucifer had vanished. This was going to be a long day. 'Want to go sit down somewhere?'

Sam noticed then that his body was no longer in the pain. His ribs didn't mimic being stabbed when he breathed in and there wasn't that burning ache in his back. That bastard had healed him when they'd been kissing. 

'No explain now,' Dean said with the gun still on Sam. 

'When Cas saw me and Lucifer as one, but it wasn’t this me. Well it was me, but from the future. In that time you weren't around and neither was any other decent human for that matter so I talked to Lucifer. I have somehow, though I still don't know how, made him not want to destroy the world. And I sympathise with everything. But yeah, Lucifer not as evil as we thought. Michael still a dick though. He tried to torture me last night into saying yes to Lucifer. Lucifer turned up and fought Michael so I could get away.'

Castiel nodded, but Dean clicked the safety off his gun.

'You're kidding me right?' Dean asked. 'Cas tell me he is possessed or under a spell, this is a shapeshifter right?'

Castiel shook his head, 'This is Sam, though I could do a more thorough soul analysis if you would both like.'

'Sure,' Sam said. Dean grunted. So Castiel did the temple pressing then and Sam was starting to get annoyed by angels in his head. Too many too often.

'He's Sam,' Castiel said. 'His soul fits now like it didn't before, you have your memories back.'

'Yes,' Sam agreed. 

Dean through his arms in the air; Sam kept us eye on the flailing gun.

'Sure let's believe that the devil's been time travelling with you and it's all rosey that you were just making out with satan.'

Sam sighed and brushed his hair out of his face. He knew Dean was going to be difficult, his brother loved his black and white scenarios. He was nothing if not predictable. 

'Dean he saved my life, and the world. Without him, this world wouldn't exist. It would've been over run with zombies and I would be dead.' 

'Zombies?' 

'This college dude created a virus and it worked. It wiped out America and you got zapped to UK by Michael along with Cas. I had no one.'

'I would have come back,' Dean argued.

'You couldn’t, there was no transport in and out of America and Michael clipped Cas's wings. The only person who was around and who didn't want to eat my brains was Lucifer.' 

Dean started and stopped sentences a few times before finally turning to him, 'But he also wanted to hurt you.' 

'In the beginning,' Sam agreed. 'I'm not saying you vanished and I instantly started understanding Lucifer. We're talking about a year in the future Dean, a year I experienced being on my own surrounded by zombies.' 

'So it's Stockholm syndrome,' he said. 

'No,' Sam sighed, 'Or maybe. I wouldn't have listened to him if there had been another option, I know that. But I did listen to him, and I've seen inside his mind. I've said yes to him as a vessel and he didn't start the apocalypse. It was months of spending time together Dean, and developing a relationship.'

'I don't,' Dean stumbled. 'This is the last thing Sam, if you do this there's no saving you.'

Sam scoffed, 'I was destined to be the devil's vessel, there was never an option to save me, and there's no victory in being saved for a god who planed all this to begin with.' 

Castiel's eyebrows raised, but he didn't say anything. Dean swore and turned to storm out as best as he could over bits of debris and rubble. 

'You not following him?' Sam asked and sat back onto the rubble pile behind him, he felt exhausted. 

'I wanted to ask you some things,' Castiel said and found some rubble to sit next to across from Sam. 

Sam shrugged, 'Go ahead.' 

'What has Lucifer told you about God and the fall?' Cas asked. Sam hesitated he wasn’t sure whether Cas was asking just to refute what Lucifer had told him, but Cas genuinely seemed interested.

'He hasn't told me too much,' Sam said. 'He tends to get angry and want revenge. He said he loved God and that he thought humans were wrong, and well you know the story. But the thing is god wanted all that to happen, he put the pieces into place so that humans good choose between good and evil, and that is the reason he is angry. That and his brother genuinely wants to kill just because their Dad told him to.' 

Castiel nodded. 

'I know God is this amazing expanse of love for people, but he's not that for everyone, and he screwed Lucifer over. And me too for that matter, in his stupid grand design why am I supposed to be the devil's vessel.' 

Castiel kept nodding, 'I...think I understand. It's hard to see him as anything other than what I have been told to see him as. But I took over heaven with the best intentions so it's not as if I don't know how far things can go wrong even when you just want the best.' 

'I let him out the pit to begin with only because I wanted to kill Lilith,' Sam admitted.

'I am going to find Dean,' Castiel said. 'He didn't mean what he said.’

'He did,' Sam said. 

'Well then I'll change his mind, if you can change the devil I can talk to Dean,' Cas said. 

Sam was left alone in the rubble and he had the horrible feeling that he still didn't know quite where he was. 

By the time he got back to the motel, he was tired and he ached. There was dull sensations in areas he knew he'd injured the night before that Lucifer had healed. A memory of the pain lingering on his tired body. He hadn't had much sleep that wasn't unconsciousness so he flopped on the bed. It smelt musty and a little bit like cabbage. He had forgotten Lucifer, for a month, he had forgotten an entire year. And now he here was. He remembered missing Dean, but he'd had him back for the month and now he wanted to strangle him. The confusion made him want to vomit.

He heard Dean crash into the room, but Sam chose to ignore him and just added a slight fake snore. He could hear Dean drinking, bourbon it sounded like. He wondered what Dean was thinking, his brother could be so pig-headed sometimes. He supposed they both could be.


	17. Chapter 17

**I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. - Maya Angelou**

The next time he woke up Dean was sat at the computer by the window. His was reading some kind of article and had coffee to his right and a pie to his left. The underneath of Dean’s eyes looked like purple bruises and he was clenching and unclenching his jaw.

'Morning,' Sam mumbled sitting himself up. 

'Hm,' Dean grunted. Sam noticed it was 11am, and considering he arrived at the motel at 1pm the previous day he had clearly slept a while. 

'Dean,' Sam said. Dean kept staring at the laptop screen and for a moment Sam thought he was going to ignore him.

'Okay, so I'm getting the “you had no one to talk to but Lucifer” thing,' Dean said. 'But to trust him, and to say yes to him, and to kiss him, I'm missing something here.'

Sam grabbed a coffee cup on the side he was guessing was for him and took a sip. It was cold and bitter. 

'I don't know, the attraction came out of nowhere,' Sam said. 'It was before the trust, the trust didn't come till the end. I doubted him till the last moment. I kept wondering if it was some elaborate scheme to get me to say yes.' 

Dean nodded. 

'But in the end I decided to trust him, because if I didn't there was no chance I'd remember what we'd been through when he came travelling back to fix things. The only way we thought I would be able to remember was if I was part of the act of the time travel. And by this point I was 99% sure I could trust him, and that 1% became worth the risk.' 

'So you risked the world so you could remember making out with someone,' Dean scoffed.

'The world was already fucked Dean, America was destroyed,' Sam said. 'You could walk down devastated streets for hours and all you would see was empty houses and zombies. It was a world like you wouldn't believe. And what I learnt about him, the stuff he told me about, looking into his mind, that's what was worth remembering.' 

Dean looked at him oddly and took another swig of coffee. 

'I don't like it.' 

'I know.'

'But Cas did point out that Lucifer had tried to sacrifice himself for us with Michael, and he did save you last night. So there might be something in this. But I don't trust him, and you're never saying yes to him again.' 

'There's no need to, he doesn't even want me to anyway,' Sam said. 

Dean nodded. 'Well as those douches killed the vamps nest last night there's no point in loitering around here. There's a case in Colorado if you fancy it. Sounds like it could be an interesting case. Woman died with her heart missing. Want to go take a look?'

'Sure,' Sam said, 'But that could just be a normal killer right?'

'There is no wound or incision to show why the heart is missing, it's like the heart has literally vanished from the body.' 

Now that sounded like a case. Sam nodded. He considered informing Lucifer where he was going, but then again Lucifer would know where he was whether he wanted him to or not. 

'Okay let's head out,' Sam said and grinned at his brother.

'Don't give me that look, you're not getting any of my pie. You're lucky you got coffee considering I caught you making out. I'm never getting that image out of my brain you realise.' 

Sam shrugged, 'I've seen you doing worse so I don't think you can comment.'

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it again. Because Sam had walked into more then one occasion of Dean going at it with someone, as he was completely incapable of informing someone when the motel was going to be completely occupied. 

'Yes but…’ 

'No buts, let's go, and let's get some proper food.' 

'Burgers,' Dean said. 'There's a joint down town we can go to.' 

Sam nodded. 

'There is one thing though,' Sam said. 'We need to figure out what to do about Michael, he's not really happy with the idea that Lucifer wants to walk off the board.'

'No I didn't think he would be,' Dean said. 'He's going to try and kick start it, but he needs to fix heaven first so we do have a little bit of grace time.'

'Not loads though'

'No not loads.'

* * *

They were driving down the interstate and Sam was staring out the window. Since he got his memories back everything felt a little wrong. Dean had his hands on the wheel and he was singing along to Kansas, but there was a tightness to his grip and his eyes fixed on the road ahead like someone who had never been in a car before. 

Sam stared at the expense of fields and dust that they past as they drove on through. The memories made it strange seeing life as normal. He knew this last month had been everything that life had always been, but now he remembered a year he'd spent completely isolated, and every time they past a person he jumped a little until he could see they didn't have rotten flesh. Even looking at Dean, he felt a wealth of gratitude for his brother, to have been without him for so long. 

The strangest of all was that since his memories had come back, it felt odd to be travelling with Dean and not Lucifer. Even sitting in the car felt weird, and being able to sit and listen to music, despite doing it for the last month felt surreal. 

Dean didn't speak to him, just kept singing to the music, which wasn't entirely unusual for him. Sam was happy with that too. They had a tenuous truce going on and he didn't really want to rock the boat on that front. He loved his brother, but Dean saw the world a little too biblically sometimes. All good and evil, and right and wrong. 

Dean pulled into a little town and stopped by a diner. 

'I need feeding, and then we're going to get some gas for my baby,' he said. Sam nodded. He wasn't hungry yet, but there was no arguing with Dean and his stomach. Man was lucky he was a hunter or he'd be the size of a house. Sam walked out of the car and headed towards the place. 

'I'm heading to the restroom,' he said as Dean went to sit in an obnoxiously pink coloured booth. He was looking at the menu before he had fully sat down. Sam walked away shaking his head. He pushed the door open and was greeted by Lucifer sitting on the sinks and leaning against the mirrors. 

Sam jumped and then glared at Lucifer, 'Hello.'

Lucifer smirked, getting far too much enjoyment out of surprising Sam. Sam noticed that the wound on Lucifer's arm seemed not to be bleeding anymore. He was grateful for that, if not the heart attack. 

Sam walked over to Lucifer and stood between his legs. He didn't bother saying anything he just grabbed Lucifer's face and kissed him. He felt shame over having forgotten what they had shared, but he mostly just felt relief that it had worked. And here they were, and there was no virus. He also realised, a bit belatedly perhaps, that Lucifer had been in him as a vessel and the world still stood. Sam's soul still existed. It was enough to make him giddy. 

Lucifer's hands were in Sam's hair and he enjoyed the feeling of them pushing over his scalp. The roughness and rawness of Lucifer was everything Sam needed. He bit his lip, and pushed deeper into the kiss. It was bruising and all consuming. 

Sam grabbed at Lucifer's jeans, and Lucifer slid off the bench to give Sam better access to him. His heart was pounding against his chest. He felt desperate for him. It was an urgency and fear he had never felt before. 

He was sure Lucifer had ripped Sam's jeans, but he honestly didn't give a shit. Lucifer took a hold of his cock, as he reached for Lucifer's, and they both moaned against each other's lips. Sam worked the devil in his hands while he did the same to him. Sam kept furiously kissing Lucifer along his jaw and bitting his neck. Lucifer came first, and the sight and feel of it caused Sam to follow suit. They leant against each other panting. 

Sam grinned and kissed Lucifer's jaw.

'You're bad for my image,' Lucifer mumbled. 'But you should probably get back before Dean gets suspicious.'

Sam groaned, he had forgotten entirely about his brother in the diner. In fact he had completely forgotten they were even in a diner, let alone a restroom surrounded by toilets and urinals. 

'Well this wasn't the most hygienic place to get reacquainted,' Sam smirked. 'I'd like a bed next time, or maybe the shower. I wouldn't say no to a hot tub either.’ 

'We could go now,' Lucifer whispered against his ear. 'I could suck you off in a hot tub.'

Sam moaned, 'You are not being fair, we have a case.'

Lucifer pushed himself back on the sink counter, 'Well then hunter Sam, off you must go.’

Sam smiled back at Lucifer, 'Will you come by later?' 

'You want me to?'

Sam frowned, 'Yes I do. This new time changes everything I get that, but what we experienced together doesn't change.' 

Lucifer smiled and Sam felt his heart nearly stop. It was an actual smile, not a smirk, not a sneer, not a maniacal grin. His eyes even looked brighter. 

'I'm going to stop smiling if it causes you such mental distress,' Lucifer said and went to a mock glare. 

'Don't you dare.' 

 

After Lucifer had conjured him a new pair of jeans, he walked out into the diner trying to act like his legs didn't feel like actual jelly. He had nothing to worry about though, Dean had apparently ordered half the menu and looked like he was making out with a burger. He had no thoughts as to where Sam had been or how long for.

Sam sat down and Dean grinned around a mouthful of food. 

'I ordered for you,' Dean said around a mouth full of beef. Sam noticed a burger in front him.

'Thanks,' Sam said. 'What are we going to do about Michael.' 

Dean thought about this for a moment chewing his dinner, 'I don't think there is anything we can do.'

'That isn't helpful,' Sam said. 'I wonder if he won't just give up on us and actual kill Lucifer without the vessel thing. He has an archangel's sword apparently.'

'A sword? I thought I was his sword,' Dean actually sounded wounded.

'You are in the metaphorical sense, but he actually has a sword too, and Lucifer won't defeat him.'

'Won’t?’

'I watched them when they were fighting for a moment, and I don't think they are that differently matched in power, but Lucifer holds back,' Sam said. 

Dean frowned, 'So?’

'So it means that the reason Michael wins their cosmic fight is because Lucifer refrains from hurting his brother.' 

Sam hadn't realised it before, but it made sense, no one but Michael could hurt Lucifer realistically. But they were both archangels, and Lucifer's pain over Michael's betrayal wasn't enough to make him want to kill his brother. Sam wondered whether the only reason Lucifer had gone along with this plan for so long was that he knew his brother would kill him and not the other way round. It made Sam ache all over again for his broken angel. 

'So what, we make Lucifer angry enough to take Michael out,' Dean said.

'No he wouldn't do it,' Sam said. 'But I don't want Michael to kill Lucifer either.'

Dean chose not to say anything to that, which was probably wise. Sam chewed his lip, other than putting Michael back in the pit, he didn’t know what to do. But he didn’t really want to do that either. Michael was actually fixing heaven, which wasn't all that of a bad thing. If only he would all leave this grand design shit alone’ 

'We need to convince him against destiny, as soon as he is on team free will then he won't be an issue, he's not evil.' 

‘Is anyone evil to you Sam,' Dean bit at him.

'Demons,' Sam said remembering his conversation with Lucifer. 

'Except you're spending time making out with their creator.' 

'Well there's an interesting story to that,' Sam proceeded to tell Dean the story of Lilith, though he kind of lost his brother not too far into the tale. Dean had never been one for too much back story.

'Ok so god and Michael are dicks, tell me something I didn't already. That doesn’t change Lucifer wanting to end the world.’ 

Sam would’ve rolled his eyes except Dean did have a small point. 

‘I never said he didn’t want to end the world, just that he won’t.’ 

Dean dropped his burger, ‘What?’

‘He still hates humanity,’ Sam admitted. ‘But he won’t end the world because to do that he has to obliterate my soul and that is what he won’t do.’ 

Dean did that thing again when he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly for a moment. 

‘So you got Lucifer off and now he doesn’t want to hurt his new plaything and we’re all saved.’ 

Sam bit his cheek to keep from lashing out at dean. He bit his cheek so hard he could taste the blood in his mouth. Dean at least looked a little guilty. 

‘Look Dean, I get you don’t understand what’s happening here. But I was not here for a year, a lot can happen in that time.’

‘Apparently,’ Dean said and picked up a fry so hard it snapped in to. 

‘I’m not his plaything,’ Sam said.

‘But he could make you, he is that powerful,’ Dean said.

‘Anyone can be abusive they don’t have to have extra power. He won’t hurt me. Dean I said yes to him, and now here I am in my body.’

‘I don’t like it.’

‘You don’t have to like it you just have to accept it.’


	18. Chapter 18

****

**No person can escape Einsteinian relativity, and no soldier or veteran can escape the trauma of war's dislocation - Joe Haldeman**

For the first time in far too many years Sam and Dean had separate motel rooms. Dean begrudgingly agreed to it, but Sam had noticed the hurt and suspicion in Dean’s eyes. Sam wasn’t ready yet to have Lucifer pop in and kiss him with Dean around and he wasn’t ready to have to fight about it in front of Lucifer. The arguments they already had about Lucifer were enough, without having to defend his life choices to Dean in front of him. 

Lucifer was lying next to Sam with his eyes closed. Sam knew he couldn’t be sleeping, but he looked as if he was. Sam stared at Lucifer’s face all straight lines and hard angles. If you’d asked teenage Sam if he thought one day he would be sleeping with a guy, he’d laugh and swear blind he wasn’t gay. Sam knew Lucifer was genderless, but Sam was still doing all kind of things with Lucifer’s penis. In his apocalyptic future, there had been no need to question it, and he supposed there wasn’t really any now. 

Sam had the dawning realisation Lucifer was probably listen to his mental ramblings on sexuality, but there was no sign on Lucifer’s face to show that he’d heard. Sam lent over and placed a kiss on Lucifer’s cheekbone.

‘Good Morning Sam,’ Lucifer said and the corner of his lips turned up ever so slightly. 

‘What were you doing?’ Sam asked as he ran his fingers over Lucifer’s shoulder. 

‘Listening.’ 

Sam frowned, ‘Listening?’ 

‘To prayers mostly,’ Lucifer answered turning so he faced Sam better. 

‘You were listening to prayers?’ 

‘Some to God and other angels, some to me,’ Lucifer answered. ‘I was curious as to what people deemed worthy of asking their great creator.’ 

Sam clenched his jaw, he had a horrible feeling he knew where this was going. 

‘And I bet humans are petty, selfish and unworthy,’ Sam snapped and turned away from Lucifer. 

‘Some were,’ Lucifer said without moving. ‘Some asked for expensive cars and new jobs. Some people were asking for food, help to feed their children. Some were asking for frankly horrifying things to befall the people they hated. Those ones were mostly to me. Some were asking for a sign to guide them on their righteous path of hatred and bigotry. Others were asking for guidance and wisdom.’ 

Sam turned back to Lucifer, the motel bed creaking under his movement. Lucifer’s lips curved slightly again, not quite into a smile, but it wasn’t a smirk either.

‘I was just listening Sam, I wasn’t judging,’ he said. ‘Not this time anyway. I thought I would see if I could hear the things you see when you talk about humanity.’ 

Sam wasn’t sure he was hearing this correctly. Lucifer, the ruler of hell, decided to listen to humans, and try to give them the benefit of the doubt, because he Sam, plain hunter, asked him to? 

‘You’re anything but plain Sam,’ Lucifer remarked. ‘I’m not wrong about humans. But maybe you aren’t either.’ 

Sam grabbed Lucifer’s face and kissed him with so much enthusiasm he cut his lip on his teeth in the process. 

‘Lucifer you have to kill Michael,’ Sam said when the kiss broke. Lucifer frowned at him.

‘What?’ 

‘He’s not going to give up,’ Sam said. ‘He’s just going to keep trying to kick start the apocalypse and he’s just going to keep going until we all say yes and you die.’ 

‘I won’t let him hurt you,’ Lucifer said. Sam could hear rain against the motel window, but he was not letting this go.

‘What about you?’ Sam said. 

‘He won’t fight me properly without Dean as a vessel and you said yourself Dean won’t say yes.’ 

‘Michael nearly killed me the other night,’ Sam reminded him. ‘We don’t know what he will try next. I know you held back.’

This time Lucifer turned away from Sam and there was a rumble of thunder outside. 

‘We’re alive aren’t we,’ he muttered. 

‘Your brother doesn’t win because he’s stronger does he?’ Lightning lit up the room. 

‘Of course he’s stronger, he’s the original warrior angel,’ Lucifer snapped. 

‘You could kill him before anyone said yes, you just need an archangel’s blade,’ Sam pushed. 

‘No,’ Lucifer said. 

Sam wanted to scream, the storm was pulsating outside. 

‘He’s going to end up killing you, he is willing to kill you.’ 

‘I will not kill my brother.’ 

‘Why not? You killed Gabriel.’ Sam regretted it the moment it left his mouth. Lucifer froze and Sam couldn’t even fathom the expression on his face. They stayed unmoving for a moment and then Lucifer was gone. He’d left an indentation in the mattress where he’d been. Sam wanted to call Lucifer back, but he didn’t know what to say. 

Instead he left his motel room and bashed his fist against Dean’s door. 

‘What the hell? Dean grumbled rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. 

‘Come on,’ Sam said. ‘We should go drinking.’ 

Dean frowned for a moment and then shrugged and followed Sam. Dean was never really going to refuse drink, even in the ridiculous storm. In fact Sam could smell whisky on him already, but he said nothing. He felt antsy and irritated. 

The walk to the nearest bar was in a slightly awkward silence, not that they could talk over the wind and rain. Dean had to know something was up with Sam, but was staying quiet on the matter. Sam wondered if that was because he knew it was regarding Lucifer or whether Dean was simply not in the mood for questioning. 

The bar they found looked like the walls were barely holding themselves up, and only half the sign was lit. He was hit with a stench of stale beer as he opened the door. There was a few people playing pool and a few others sat playing cards in the corner. He looked at everyone’s skin, his eyes searching for signs of decay, but they were all just drinking and talking. 

By the time Sam had finished his tenth shot and fourth beer he realised that the world no longer stayed still, but was happily twirling around him. 

Dean was laughing at him, and saying something about him being weak and a light weight but it sounded like he was speaking through a pillow. A stranger passed close to his stool, and without thinking he turned grabbing underneath the man’s arm and onto his shoulder. He pushed down forcing him over. The bar was silent. 

The world was still spinning and Sam was shaking and swaying on his feet. Dean was saying something to him, but he couldn’t hear it over the pounding in his ears. Dean was moving his hands from around the stranger. The man was swearing and yelling and Dean had his hands up and was trying to calm the situation. Sam couldn’t breathe. He pushed Dean and ran out of the bar. 

Fresh air hit him like a bulldozer, Dean followed him out. 

‘What the hell was that?’ He demanded. Sam opened his mouth a few times to answer and closed it again. He was aware he must’ve looked like some strange fish. The words wouldn’t come to him. On the sixth attempt at opening his mouth to speak he vomited in front of Dean.

* * *

There are certain places you want to be when you are hungover, such as your bed or the sofa. There are places that are acceptable when you are hungover such as an office or a cafe. There is also a place where no one should be hungover and that is a morgue. 

‘Good morning doctor,’ Dean said and Sam winced at the cheery tone. ‘SSA Isles, this is SSA Rizzoli, we’re here to investigate the missing heart case.’ 

The morgue smelt of harsh chemicals and Sam was holding on to everything so as not to vomit again right on the morgue floor. The body was in the middle of the room as always and was covered with a sheet except the head. It was a woman and there were no obvious injuries on her face or her head. She would’ve been pretty alive, with a heart shaped face and skin the colour of coffee. 

‘I thought it would only be a matter of time before federal agents got involved. Never seen anything like it in all my career.’

Dean nodded, but Sam remained still, any sharp movements and he would upset the construction work going on in his head. 

‘She came in a fews days ago with no obvious causes of death. There are no bruises, abrasions or any damage at all to the body. As soon as I began the autopsy I noticed that there was no heart. All her other organs were still intact and would be fit to work.’

‘How was it was removed?’ Sam asked. 

‘I don’t know, like I said there is no outward damage to the body at all. No defensive wounds, no incisions. Within the chest cavity itself, the arteries are jagged rather than neat, it’s like the heart was ripped out not cut out. Also due to how the blood settled in the chest I would say it happened antemortem.’ 

‘She was alive when her heart was ripped out?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes,’ the doctor replied.

‘Did the toxin report bring back anything interesting?’ Sam asked. 

‘No, completely normal. She’d had Thai food that night and a glass of wine.’ 

‘Thank you doctor.’ 

Sam nodded and was incredibly grateful they didn’t have to do any more examining of the body. They stepped out into the sun and Dean glared at him again, which he’d been doing a lot that morning. He’d gotten vomit on Dean’s shoes. 

‘You ready to tell me what last night was about?’ Dean asked. 

‘Which bit?’

‘All of it, the drinking to blind drunk, the attacking of a random stranger? Is this something that’s going to be a problem.’ 

Sam shook his head. 

‘I attacked him because I was drunk and I thought he was going to attack us,’ Sam said. ‘And I got drunk because Lucifer and I had a disagreement over Michael.’ 

‘Oh,’ Dean said. Sam knew Dean didn’t fully believe him, but he wasn’t going to push it. 

‘Let’s hit the police station next, I want to see how their investigation is going on this, see if they have anything about her past that might play into this. It sounds like a witch or a ghost so there’s got to be a motive.’ 

Dean nodded. 

The police station wasn’t that far from the morgue, but they spent the journey in silence. Sam was desperately trying not to feel every bump and turn in his stomach. There was a place from where Dean would never forgive him and he believed that place involved throwing up in the Impala. So he held on to his stomach as they rattled over to the next line of investigation.

* * *

The police station was unsurprisingly full of police, and yet Sam felt uneasiness in his stomach, which wasn’t just from being hungover. He remembered the police station he visited while in the zombie future and the one that had been desolate. Sam looked closely at every officer, checking their faces for a grey pallor. 

By the time Sam had finished examining all the men in the station Dean had already introduced them and they were being directed into a meeting room. The air felt less restrictive in the new room, but Sam still pulled out the seat so his back would face the corner. Dean raised on eyebrow at him as he sat down. 

The detective who ushered them in sat down across from them. 

‘So this is about that girl with the missing heart?’ The Detective commented. ‘I wondered if they’d bother to get the feds in on this.’

‘We don’t want to step on anyone’s toes,’ Dean said. ‘We’re just here to lend a hand.’

The detective’s jaw clenched and Sam wondered what he was really thinking. 

‘So any leads so far?’ Sam asked. The detective opened the file and slid it towards Dean. Sam could only just make out the words on the page from his seat, but he wasn’t planning on moving it forward anytime soon. 

‘Poison,’ Dean remarked and then passed the file to Sam.

‘How else would a heart go missing with no incision?’ The Detective said. ‘Perhaps there’s a poison that could dissolve the heart?’ 

Sam supposed that was a logical idea, if you didn’t believe in the supernatural. 

‘The tox-screen came back negative,’ Sam said. 

‘There are a lot of things that can be hidden from that,’ the detective said. 

Dean lent back in his chair and folded his arms across himself. 

‘Ok so if it’s poison someone had to administer it, got any suspects?’ Dean asked. 

‘No, no-one hated her. She had a boyfriend, but according to all her friends it was a great relationship, they rarely argued.’ 

‘So you’ve got nothing, wonderful’ Sam said and Dean shot him a look. ‘Thanks for you time.’ 

Sam got to his feet ignoring the detective spluttering. As he opened the door, he smelt something strange, there was rot in the air. His vision narrowed, and his heart sped up. There was sweat running down his neck, and breathing was becoming harder. He could hear zombies groaning in his ears; he backed into the corner his gun out. There were people screaming at him, but he needed to kill the zombies. His vision was filled with Dean. He placed his hands on Sam’s shoulders and was yelling something at him. Sam couldn’t hear him over the noise of his own heartbeat, but he looked at Dean’s face. He focused on the stubble and the wrinkles around his eyes. He focused on the smell of whisky on his brother’s breath. He started gulping in air and it burned. 

‘Sam what the fuck this is police station,’ he finally heard. Sam looked passed him and saw a dozen officers with guns pointed at them. He dropped the gun. 

‘I thought I could smell zombies,’ Sam answered. 

Dean turned round to the rest of the police officers. 

‘You can put your weapons away now,’ Dean said. ‘We’ll be reporting your response time to the chief, you did a good job.’ 

The coppers looked confused, but started lowering their weapons. Sam tried to smile, but he could feel himself shaking. 

‘We’re running these drills around the state, you guys have had one of the best times so far. Right Rizzoli.’ 

Dean squeezed Sam’s shoulder hard and he held back the wince. He nodded. 

The policemen started smiling and patting each other on the back. Dean refused to let go of Sam’s shoulder and marched him outside. Sam’s head was pounding, and not just from the hangover. His stomach lurched and he was in danger of vomiting on Dean’s shoes again. 

’What the fuck was that?’ Dean yelled. ‘You nearly committed suicide by cop.’

‘I smelt zombies, I smelt rotting,’ Sam mumbled. Dean looked at him like he was crazy.

‘It was lunch time, they were eating,’ Dean said. ‘That’s what happened last night wasn’t it. You thought it was a zombie?’ 

Sam nodded, there was no words He’d had flashbacks from the pit, it’s not as if he didn’t recognise it for what it was. That didn’t mean it suddenly vanished. There was nothing Dean could do to help him, so what was the point in going down this route? 

Dean also looked like he couldn’t find the words, communication had never been their strong point. Sam turned from him and headed back to the car. 

‘Missing heart, doesn’t sound demonic, or like any creature. Could be a hex bag,’ Sam said. ‘We should check out the boyfriend.’ 

‘You’re right,’ Dean said taking the hint. ‘According to the file he works over at the Thai restaurant on 3rd Street.’ 

‘Let’s go.’ 

* * *

The boyfriend was a dead end. If he had even a tiny bit of magic in his system then Sam was a mermaid. Sam didn’t want to rule out the hex bag theory though, so they decided to head to her home in the hopes of finding the actual bag. 

Sam was aware it had been over twenty four hours since he had spoken to Lucifer, he felt his absence like a missing limb. He wanted to apologise, but he also didn’t. He had a point, if he could kill Gabriel, why couldn’t he kill Micheal and save himself. It wasn’t as if Michael wasn’t planning on killing him. 

There was a part of him that was hoping Lucifer would just appear and he wouldn’t actually have to do the reaching out, but so far that definitely hadn’t happened. 

‘She moved into this apartment only a month ago,’ Dean said. Sam nodded, the apartment was nice, though she didn’t have many belongings. He started immediately hunting around plum coloured cushions, while Dean started hunting in the vents. 

The first clue, should’ve been the drop in temperature, but no one had been paying attention to that as they both scurried around the apartment looking for the hex bag. The next clue should’ve been the familiar click of the safety being taken off a gun.

But the thing is, when you’ve heard a sound so many times sometimes you don’t hear it, or think it isn’t anything out of the ordinary. 

The shot went off without Sam even knowing a gun had been pointed at him.


	19. Chapter 19

****

**All of us are looking for an outside ordeal that will internally change us. - Carrie Fisher**

* * *

‘Sam!’ Dean yelled. 

Sam held his side as he slipped to the ground. 

‘Dean,’ he gurgled. There was blood in his mouth and he couldn’t help but compare the conflicting taste from when kissing Lucifer. This was thick and hot in his mouth, suffocating him. He heard more shots, but he couldn’t see what was happening. There was yelling and bangs and it was all a mess to his senses. 

‘Castiel!’ Dean shouted. Salt was being flung around, and then more shots sounded out. Sam was feeling colder and he knew that was not a good sign. He wished Lucifer was there, why was he not there? 

‘Castiel where the fuck are you?’ Dean tried again. He was leaning above Sam and pulling him into his lap. Dean’s legs were warmer than the floor and comfier. 

Castiel wasn’t answering their prayers it seemed. Maybe their luck was finally running out, or perhaps maybe he’d finally learned that they weren’t worth saving after all. 

Sam wanted his archangel. 

‘Lucifer,’ Sam spluttered around the blood. 

Dean swore and Sam thought for a moment that he was just going to ignore Sam. 

‘Look Lucifer, I hate you, you know that, but my brother is dying and I know you kind of like him so could you like be here. Right now.’ 

If Sam had control over any of his body right then he would’ve have rolled his eyes or slapped his brother, as it was he felt the darkness around his vision grow larger. 

He blacked out. 

* * *

 

When Sam woke up he was lying in his motel room bed. His head was throbbing as he pushed himself up. Dean and Lucifer were at opposite ends of the room staring at each other. Sam could feel the tension in the room as if it were an elastic band about to snap. 

‘Ah sleeping beauty is awake,’ Dean remarked, but his eyes didn’t leave Lucifer’s. Lucifer broke the gaze to look at Sam. Lucifer looked gaunt, with dark circles under his eyes. 

‘How are you feeling?’ Lucifer asked. ‘This vessel it doesn’t…it’s not.’

‘I know,’ Sam said to stop him. ‘Thank you for saving me. Again.’ Sam laughed and Lucifer glared.

‘This is getting too much of a habit,’ he said. ‘You need to stop nearly killing yourself. I don’t trust this body, what if you push yourself further than I can heal you?’

‘You brought me back from the actual dead in that body,’ Sam said. ‘Stop panicking.’

‘Excuse me actual dead?’ Dean asked. He couldn’t quite decide who deserved being glared at more at that point so he swapped his gaze between the two.

‘It was in the future that will never happen so it’s okay,’ Sam said with a shrug that hurt more than it should have. 

‘He decided not to wait for back up and got bitten by a zombie and killed himself,’ Lucifer supplied. Sam couldn’t tell if he wanted to swear at Lucifer for that.

‘You did what,’ Dean snapped.

‘That was before I knew I could trust you,’ Sam said ignoring Dean. ‘And it was all okay and I am okay now, though quite a bit sore.’ 

Lucifer looked between walking over toward Sam and sitting still. Dean seemed to notice the change in the atmosphere and mumbled something about going for food. 

As soon as he was out of the room Lucifer was over on the bed and was running his hands over Sam.

‘You can check my vitals with your mind, you are an archangel,’ Sam said. But Lucifer ignored him. 

When he finished he lay his forehead on Sam’s chest and just breathed. Sam felt like crap, he didn’t think he’d have such an effect on Lucifer, even after the lightning show when he’d died the first time. 

Lucifer’s head snapped up and his eyes narrowed on him, ‘You doubted I would care?’

‘I…’ Sam started. ‘It just blows my mind sometimes that an archangel would care so much about me.’ He placed his hand on Lucifer’s. 

‘I remember, before I got my memories back,’ Sam said. ‘You said that you loved me.’

Lucifer snapped his hand back as if he burnt it, but Sam started down this path and he was damn well going to finish it. 

‘When I was dying, I thought about you,’ Sam said. ‘Not just because I thought you could save me, but because if I was going to die I wanted it to be next to you. God help me, but I think I love you.’

‘My destiny and entire reason for being is to destroy humanity,’ Lucifer said. ‘And I won’t. Because I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to let you down. Everything I thought I was for millennia has been undone and remade by you. Love doesn’t come close to it.’

Sam reached up and kissed him.

‘Lucifer you were always this, they’re the ones who made you into someone else,’ Sam insisted. ‘I just reminded you of who you could be when you trusted other people.’ 

Lucifer didn’t say anything for a moment just looked at Sam with a sadness in his eyes. 

‘I loved Gabriel,’ Lucifer said turning his expression down towards the sheets. ‘He was my little brother. Raphael always loved Michael most and followed him like some lapdog, but Gabriel was special to me. He didn’t care for the rules or piety, he just wanted to be together as a family and have…fun I suppose.’ 

Sam didn’t say anything just placed his hand on Lucifer’s. 

‘When he abandoned heaven, I was devastated. I thought he’d be on my side. It had always been us two against Michael and Raphael, but not this time. I think he knew the rift was going to be permanent and he couldn’t take it. So he left. He renounced god and he renounced me.’

Lucifer took a deep breath, ‘Let me show that night.’ 

Lucifer reached over and placed his fingers on Sam’s temple. Sam felt like the wind had been sucked out of him. He could see himself and Dean running out the bar with the goddess. And there was Lucifer facing Gabriel. It was the same vessel as now, but this one was rotting, the sign of Lucifer’s soul destroying the one within. 

There was hesitation in Lucifer’s movements, which didn’t fit with how Sam remembered Lucifer to be. Gabriel was circling Lucifer with the archangel blade, and he gave his spiel about Lucifer’s temper tantrum, which in Sam’s opinion was really quite unfair. 

Gabriel stated his case for humanity and Sam could see the lack of comprehension on Lucifer’s face. Sam winced as Lucifer called them cockroaches. 

'Brother, don’t make me do this,' Lucifer pleaded. It was hard for Sam to connect the Lucifer in his present with the one who first came out of the pit. But here was evidence that his Lucifer had always existed, even then.

The sadness in Lucifer’s eyes made Sam’s stomach clench. He saw the second Gabriel appeared behind Lucifer, he nearly yelled out a warning, but Lucifer had already spun round to catch the blade and he sunk it into Gabriel’s stomach. 

Sam felt sick as Lucifer stood over his brother shaking with tears in his eyes. 

He was snapped back to the present as Lucifer took his hand off Sam. 

He could see the shine in Lucifer’s eyes, ‘I wasn’t ready to hear that. I was trapped in my vengeance and I just wanted him to walk away. I knew he was planning to kill me, just like Michael. Another brother that I loved wanting me dead, and I was so full of rage. So I killed him first.’

Tears were running down Lucifer’s face and he closed his eyes.

‘I’ve already lost two brothers, I don’t want to lose the last,’ he said. 

‘I think’s he’s alright lost,’ Sam said softly. Lucifer leant his forehead on Sam’s chest again. Sam placed his hand on Lucifer’s head and stroked his hair.

* * *

Dean came back not long after. He carried a tray of coffees and a brown bag; Sam was surprised to see three coffees in the tray.

‘Don’t get any ideas,’ Dean said pointedly at Lucifer. ‘It’s just polite to get someone coffee if they save your brother’s life.’ 

He dumped the coffees on the table and got out the pastries from the bag. Lucifer raised an eyebrow at Sam, Sam shrugged. If Dean was going to extend even a partial olive branch it was something worth grabbing onto. 

‘Lucifer,’ Dean said abruptly and Sam jumped a little. Dean had that expression on when he was stealing himself for something. Sam felt abrupt panic. Lucifer said nothing though he turned his full attention to Dean. 

‘Do you know where Castiel is?’ Dean said. 

Lucifer stayed still for a moment, and Sam had the uncomfortable feeling Lucifer was reading Dean’s mind. He really needed someone to pass him that coffee. 

‘No,’ Lucifer said eventually. ‘He is not on earth.’ 

‘Excuse me?’ Dean replied and took a step closer to Lucifer. ‘What do you mean not on earth?’ 

‘It’s difficult to sense on multiple plains of existence at the same time. I can’t scan hell, heaven, earth and everything in between from this location. At least not in this body. All I can say for certain is he isn’t on the earthly plane. He’s somewhere else.’ 

‘Would you know if he’d been…’ Dean couldn’t finish that sentence and Sam was glad he couldn’t. 

‘No, not in this,’ he pointed to his body. ‘But I’ll go to heaven and hell, see if I can sense where he is.’

‘Wait,’ Sam said. ‘The last time you went to heaven you came back beaten to a pulp.’

‘That was because I went to talk to my brother. He won’t know I’m there, I promise.’ 

Sam opened his mouth to argue that Michael would sense him, but Lucifer had gone. It used to be angels popping in unannounced that got on his nerves, now he was sick of them vanishing on him too. 

‘Pass me a coffee,’ he grumbled at Dean. 

‘He didn’t come when you were dying,’ Dean said as a way of explanation. He handed Sam the coffee. Dean didn’t need to tell Sam that he was worried about Cas, Sam was worried about him too. They hadn’t spoken in days and Dean was right, if they prayed for him to turn up and save their lives. He usually did. But Dean’s worrying had also sent Lucifer off into the lion’s den and Sam couldn’t quite tell where his feelings were on the whole thing so he sipped the coffee without saying anything. 

‘So it was a ghost,’ he said. ‘A one with a gun.’ 

‘I’d worked out the gun part,’ Sam mumbled while sipping his coffee. ‘What happened to the ghost, do we need to go back?’ 

‘Turns out your Boyfriend can obliterate ghosts,’ Dean spoke around a mouth full of pastry. ‘And he gets a bit pissy when people try to kill you.’ 

Sam smirked as he drank more coffee. 

‘I can’t tell whether I’m grateful for him killing her, or mad that he made our job pointless in less than five seconds,’ Dean grumbled as pastry crumbs fell onto his lap. 

‘I’d take it as a win, though why did the ghost kill her?’ Sam asked. Dean shrugged.

‘She didn’t say much, it doesn’t really matter now she’s dead.’ 

Sam frowned, the unresolved aspect of it made him itch. The ghost might be dead and everyone might be safe, but it still had a sour taste in his mouth. This women refused to move on because she was angry, and it turned her into something twisted and evil. There had to be a strong reason for that. And he might not be able to redeem her, but he could at least understand her. 

Dean didn’t appear in the least bit concerned. Especially not if the way he appeared to be making love to his pastry was anything to go by. But then very little got in the way of Dean and his food. 

There wasn’t a specific point of pain for Sam. Not even where he had been shot. But the whole of his body felt as heavy as the impala and weaker than a newly sprung daisy. This feeling wasn’t new to him, it had been that way when Lucifer had brought him back from the dead. His body had been healed, but it was exhausted from the effort. He pushed the quilt off himself so he could manoeuvre out of bed. He kept his movements slow, not that he had much choice. 

‘What are you doing?’ Dean demanded. Sam had a feeling Lucifer had told him all about the after effects of archangel death healing. 

‘Going for a piss,’ he replied and Dean glared at him. 

He swore an hour had past by the time he managed to get to the bathroom and back out again. Instead of making his way to the bed, he went to the table where Dean was sat. He waited for Dean to protest, but he just eyed him instead. 

Sam opened his laptop and started looking up the victim and her address. It didn’t take him long to pull up a newspaper article regarding a women who’d been shot in the heart by her husband in the flat. It had remained empty for years. He clicked on a picture of the women and flipped his laptop round to Dean. 

‘This her?’ he asked. 

‘Yup, that’s the crazy shooting bitch,’ Dean said, and then went back to whatever he was doing on his own laptop. Sam turned it back to look at her. Her name was Martha Darling, and she’d been married to Peter Darling for fifteen years, since she’d turned sixteen. He shot her when she’d been lying in bed. It didn’t say why, or what the relationship had been like but Sam could guess. 

He wondered why she had killed the women. Was her relationship the same? Or was she jealous of one that was healthy. Sam sighed. 

‘What we going to do now?’ Sam asked. 

‘Wait here till you aren’t as breakable as a china doll and go find a case,’ Dean said. ‘Business as normal.’ 

‘And hope Michael doesn’t kill us.’ 

‘And hope Michael doesn’t kill us,’ Dean agreed.


	20. Chapter 20

**The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness - Norman Cousins**

Castiel was hanging precariously from a cliff edge. Sweat was starting to pool underneath his fingertips and he could feel himself starting to slide. He could feel the panic rise up in him like bile. He refused to looked down, but he knew he wouldn’t see anything if he did. There was only darkness beneath.  


Two hands grabbed onto his arm and pulled him, he got a leg onto the edge and pushed himself up. He lay on his back panting with his eyes closed. When he finally thought to open them he saw Lucifer staring down at him.  


Castiel froze, the panic from before threatening to erupt again. He remembered all too well the feel of being blown apart into atoms.  


‘This is a fascinating place,’ Lucifer commented while leaning over the edge and looking below. Castiel moved himself so he was sat upright. Lucifer didn’t look well; there was something pained on his face.  


‘It’s a pocket realm,’ Castiel said.  


‘I’m aware,’ Lucifer replied. His jaw was clenched, ‘But why are we here?’  


Castiel tried to stand, but his limbs were still shaking so he sat back down. ‘I believe Virgil hid the Holy Grail here.’  


Lucifer raised eyebrows and pursed his lips in that way of his, ‘the Grail is here?’  


‘I think that’s why, whatever this place is, our grace is gone,’ Castiel said. He certainly wouldn’t have been hanging off a cliff if he had any ounce of angelic ability.  


‘It is interesting that Virgil would’ve created such a place,’ Lucifer mused. ‘What made you think of this?’  


‘Balthazar always lamented he’d never been able to steal the grail from Virgil, that he’d squirrelled it away in a pocket dimension.’  


Castiel finally got himself to standing, he hadn’t had a chance to have a look around the place. He appeared, lost his grace, and fell off the cliff edge in quick succession. He was going to make a mental note to be more careful where he landed next time. They were standing on the edge of canyon, but there was no end to the length it, and the area across from it stretched on without a blip on the horizon. It was all sandy dust as far as the eye could see. There was no sound or movements. He couldn’t even smell anything.  
‘Why the grail?’ Lucifer asked.  


‘To use against Michael,’ Castiel said with a shrug, despite the bile rising in his stomach. Insulting his brother was what had got him exploded the last time. He could almost feel himself exploding.  


Lucifer nodded, ‘It could work. We’d need to get close to him.’  


‘We need to get the Grail first, and that canyon’s too wide to jump without angelic abilities, also I might add, we can’t leave either.’  


Lucifer nodded and rubbed his chinned, ‘yes that is a problem.’  


‘Captain understatement,’ Castiel grumbled.  


‘You’ve been hanging around the drunk Winchester too long little brother,’ Lucifer commented. ‘The pit was worse then this and I got out of that.’  


‘You were predestined to get out of that,’ Castiel retorted. ‘No one’s written any prophecies about us trying to steal the holy grail.’  


‘I’ve always liked you Castiel, you’ve got bite,’ Lucifer grinned. And Castiel didn’t know how to take that. Compliments from the devil were an odd thing to process.  


‘How are we going to get across that?’ Castiel gestured to the canyon.  


‘We could try walking along it for a while and see if there’s a bridge?’ Lucifer suggested. Castiel nodded, though he had a feeling it wasn’t going to get them anywhere very fast.  


They started walking left, for not really any good reason. It didn’t take long for Castiel’s feet to start to hurt. The balls of his feet burned and there was a sharp rubbing pain on the back of his ankle. His limbs felt heavy and his mouth was getting dryer and nothing was appearing on the horizon.  


‘Humanity sucks,’ Lucifer grumbled after a while. Castiel noticed Lucifer’s face was red and a little bit shiny. He nodded.  


‘Just how are we supposed to get across this thing?’ Lucifer demanded.  


‘Ask the right questions.’  


Castiel spun to look across the canyon, and there was a robed skeleton standing there. His eyes were empty black pits and Castiel could just about make out some cracks around the skull. Lucifer folded his arms across his chest.  


‘What are the right questions?’ he asked. Castiel kept his eyes on the skeleton.  


‘That is not the right question,’ the skeleton replied. The voice was oddly echoey for such an open space. But then again, given the thing had no vocal chords, it wasn’t really making much sense anyway.  


‘How do we get across?’ Lucifer asked.  


‘Ask the right questions,’ the skeleton repeated. Lucifer through his hands up in the air.  


‘Where is the holy grail?’ Castiel tried.  


‘Across the canyon,’ the skeleton answered.  


Castiel looked at Lucifer who seemed to be trying to kill the skeleton with his eyes.  


‘Can we get across the canyon?’  


‘If you ask the right question,’ the skeleton asserted. If the skeleton was bored by repeating the same answer it didn’t show it. The bones of his face remained impassive.  


‘Any ideas?’ Castiel asked Lucifer.  


‘Oh plenty, but they all involve being an archangel,’ Lucifer said. ‘And not chatting with Jack Skellington here.’  


Castiel frowned, ‘You’re not helpful.’  


‘I came to rescue you,’ Lucifer defended. ‘Well find you, I didn’t sign on for rescuing. And yet that’s what I did, and now I get attitude. I have fallen so far.’  


‘That's rich coming from you,’ Castiel snapped. ‘If the skeleton is the only way across then we need to figure out the right question. What do you know of the grail?’  


Lucifer shrugged, ‘Not a lot. I wasn’t really paying attention during the whole Jesus thing. He was rather bland, bit like Michael.’  


‘Weren’t you the one who threw temptation at him in the desert.’  


‘Nope,’ Lucifer said. ‘Not guilty. It might have been a crossroads demon, I think Crowley had something to do with it,’ Lucifer said. ‘I know what the Grail does, and that Virgil took charge of it, but I have no idea why he put it in this place.’  


Castiel sighed.  


‘Will you take us to the Holy Grail?’ Castiel asked. The skeleton paused for a moment.  


‘Ask the right question.’  


‘If I had my powers right now, you would be dust you halloween reject,’ snarled Lucifer. Well it was nice to know the world hadn’t completely flipped, and Lucifer was still a bit of an assbutt.  


‘Why is the Grail hidden?’ Castiel ventured.  


‘To keep safe until someone is worthy.’  


‘Who would be worthy of the Grail?’  


The ground started to rumbled and out of the dust by the skeletons feet a bridge started to form across the canyon. The dust stopped Castiel seeing much of anything until it was formed, and as it settled he could make out the bridge was made out of bones. A mix of femurs, shins and ulnas.  


‘Who would be worthy of the Grail is the right question?’ Lucifer mumbled. Virgil had always been one for dramatics. They made their way across the bridge and it was surprisingly sturdy for a bridge with so many gaps.  


The air started to shimmer around them as they reached the other side, the skeleton was no where to be seen and rocks started to form around them. They were in a cave entrance.  


‘Why if this place is so fucking magical do we not have our powers,’ snarled Lucifer. Castiel was not going to argue, if they got the Grail and got out of there in one peace he would be happy.   


There was nothing to do but walk into the cave, there was a soft light coming from within that stopped it from being complete darkness. There was a click. Castiel frowned, and Lucifer had his hand on his back and was slamming him into the ground as arrows hurtled above their heads. Castiel coughed from the dust he’d inhaled from the floor.  


‘I don’t have the chest to be Lara Croft,’ Lucifer grumbled next to him. They waited a moment but the arrows didn’t seem to be stopping.  


‘Suppose we better keep moving,’ Castiel said. They started crawling forwards, all elbows and knees and awkward movements.  


The ground scraped the Castiel’s skin raw, and he kept breathing in the dust. He heard Lucifer grumbling to himself but he said nothing. The kept pulling forward until they ended up at an edge that led onto a body of water.  


‘Now what?’ Lucifer snapped. ‘Any bright ideas?’  


The water ran the full width of the cavern, and shone eerily in the dull light of the cave.  


‘We have no choice but to go in,’ Castiel said, ‘Can you swim?’  


Lucifer looked at him for a moment. ‘What reason would I have for learning to swim?’  


Castiel sighed, but he had a point, why would an archangel or an angel for that matter learn to swim. But luckily for him, Jimmy had known how to swim, and the knowledge of that seeped into Castiel’s memory.  


‘I can swim,’ Castiel said. ‘My vessel could.’  


‘Mine couldn’t,’ Lucifer said in response. Castiel started shrugging out of his clothes as best he could while still lying on the floor away from the arrows.  


‘What are you doing?’ Lucifer hissed.  


‘Once sodden our clothes will be heavy and dead weight, and if I have to swim with you in tow I can’t do it with clothes on. Strip to your boxers.’  


Lucifer rolled his eyes though it looked a lot less intimidating with him prone on the ground. He rolled onto his back to start undoing his shirt.  


‘This is beneath me,’ he snarled.  


Castiel chose to ignore it and kept removing clothes. When he was finished he pushed his clothes to the side. He noticed the blood on his knees and elbows from the crawling. He closed his eyes to brace himself and pushed over the edge. The water was cool but not cold, and he winced as the water hit his wounds.  


Lucifer looked at the situation with disdain, but started doing the same thing. He clung to the edge for dear life as he slid himself into the pool. Castiel looked down in the water and he saw shapes at the bottom that he couldn’t quite work out. He tried to focus harder. He let go off the edge in shock and swallowed a mouthful of water. He quickly grabbed the ledge again and spluttered as the water burned his lungs.  


‘What the hell was that?’ Lucifer asked. Castiel sucked in massive gulps of air as he desperately tried to get his lungs to function again.  


‘Look human bones,’ Castiel said nodding to the bottom of the water. Lucifer squinted and he could see the moment Lucifer saw what he had seen. Dozens and dozens of human skeletons on the bottom of the pool.  


‘Little brother’ Lucifer said softly, ‘They can’t be human. How would they have gotten here?’  


Castiel frowned.  


’They’re angels,’ Lucifer said. ‘Angels that came here for the grail and became human and died.’  


Castiel felt a heavy weight sit in the pit of his stomach. He had no right to feel bad for this. Not after he’d wasted so many angels lives in his misguided quest to keep the Winchester’s safe and heaven in free will.  


‘They made their choice,’ Lucifer said. ‘Just as we have.’  


Castiel nodded. He could just about make out the end of the water from their side. But he couldn’t see what was there or if there were any more arrows. Castiel thought back in his soul’s memories. Jimmy’s had long gone, but the memories of his soul was stamped on the vessel and on Castiel’s soul.  


He swam closer to Lucifer.  


‘Whatever happens don’t panic cause you’ll drown us both if you do,’ Castiel said. ‘I’m going to hold onto you and swim backwards.’  


Castiel was behind Lucifer and he wrapped one arm around Lucifer and lay back. He used his free legs and one arm to start to move them.  


‘It would help if you kick as well but gently,’ Castiel instructed. Lucifer didn’t say anything, he looked like a disgruntled cat, but he started kicked. It took considerable effort on everyone’s part and yet somehow they made it across to the other side.  


The cavern was dark behind the edge, but at least there was no sign of overhead arrows. They pulled themselves out of the water. Castiel took a step forward and a big circular room was lit up by braziers. The water was dripping off Castiel, but he didn’t feel cold.  


He heard a deep rumbling sound and he instinctively crouched in case of arrows. But the sound changed to more of a growl. Out of a corner that was in the shadow from the braziers moved a lion. Castiel stepped back towards the water’s edge.  


‘Oh great now we have to deal with Simba,’ Lucifer remarked. The lion prowled around the edge of the room snarling. Castiel and Lucifer mirrored the movement to keep their distance. The mouth of the lion hung open as he made a sound more than a growl but not quite a roar. The lion’s eyes were firmly on them and they were unrelenting.  


Castiel was trying to both watch the lion and look for an exit, or even a weapon, but there was nothing. He turned to look back at the water, their only escape option, but it had gone. The room was completely circular.  


‘Lucifer, our exit has vanished.’  


‘I’d noticed that little brother,’ he said. ‘It turns out that the way to kill the devil was by turning him into to kitty chow. Who knew?’  


Castiel wasn’t sure how Lucifer could still be throwing sarcasm around. The lion stopped prowling the edge and moved across the room. It’s shoulders rising in a wave as it sauntered.  


‘Any ideas?’ Castiel hissed.  


‘Absolutely none,’ Lucifer said. ‘No wonder there were so many angel bones, this kitty’s been on a pure heaven diet its entire life.’  
There had to be something. Virgil couldn’t just have hidden the grail somewhere it could never have been reached. Castiel was searching the walls, searching for a crevice, a mark, anything.  


‘Cas!’ Lucifer shouted. Castiel’s eyes snapped back to the Lion and it was about to be on him. He felt something heavy slam into his side and he fell to the ground. Castiel rolled over and could only stare as the lion grabbed onto Lucifer.  


As soon as the lion made contact with him it vanished into the air.  


Lucifer stood unmoving with his eyes wide. Castiel just blinked.  


‘Who would be worthy of the grail,’ the skeleton annouced. ‘Someone who would sacrifice himself for his brother,’ the skeleton said.  


The skeleton vanished and in his place was a pedestal with a plain stone goblet in the centre. Castiel glanced at Lucifer, but he still hadn’t moved.  


Castiel pushed himself to standing, ‘are you alright?’  


Lucifer nodded. Castiel didn’t know what to say to Lucifer, he hadn’t expected him to leap in front of a lion for him. He didn’t think Lucifer was capable of sacrifice. Turns out he was wrong. Castiel went for the goblet instead. As he placed his hands around the vessel, he was overwhelmed by the feeling of his grace.  


‘It’s back,’ he whispered.  


‘Let’s go,’ Lucifer said. ‘I’m done with Virgil’s weird ass judgy realm.’  



End file.
